


Your star

by Shockey13



Category: Homeland
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-01-18 09:44:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 71,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1423906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shockey13/pseuds/Shockey13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carrie tries to rebuild her life and figure out a way to be happy. With the help of her family and co-workers, she begins a new chapter in her life that certainly has its hurdles along the way. Begins during the last scene in "The Star".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> ***Started this in March of 2014. It will take you forever of you're just catching up now.***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The first chapter starts at the very end of "the Star", during Saul and Carrie's parting conversation. I started here because I wanted to rationalize it from Carrie's POV. After all, these two are the heart and soul of the show. The rest of the story is everything that happens after.
> 
> Saul has a vague idea of how Carrie's life has been going for the last 4 months but hasn't actually spoken with her. He's had a little bit of contact with Peter Quinn, informing him of the vital details. With the annual commemorative ceremony coming up, it will be the perfect time to catch her.

 

* * *

Friday August 23, 2013

"I'm so sorry for your loss."

Saul begins their reunion as sincere as possible.

"Good to see you Saul," Carrie replies, as if she's been waiting for him to approach her. She hasn't seen him since April.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"He gives a nice speech," Saul spits out unable to ignite familiar conversation.

"He's a politician," Carrie says, relieved that he's shifted to a work related subject.

_That's really it though...that's our whole relationship... work. Nothing personal needs to be discussed. No Mira, no dad, no Maggie, and certainly Saul wouldn't bring up the baby. My baby. My baby?_

"How are you?", He asks carefully.

"Okay," she says honestly, but keeps it blunt.

"I heard about Istanbul."

"Oh," she says not expecting him to know.

"Word gets around. That's wonderful. It's what you always wanted," he says with a smile.

She smiles as if she agrees with him but she's not even sure if she does.

_Does he even know what I want? Do I even know what I want? Just eight months ago he offered to put me up for the same position. How did that conversation go? Something about wanting more to life than the job. Yes Brody. I wanted to leave my job to be with him. I miss him. Why doesn't he get a damn star. He should be here, watching us memorialize these names right now. I don't want to be alone my whole life like Saul. But he's happy now, Saul, isn't he?_

She snaps out of it as he speaks.

"You deserve it," he adds.

Not able to further press on the Istanbul posting, Carrie focuses on Saul.

"This is wrong. That's plain wrong," she fumbles quickly changing the subject.

"How many times have you heard me say it? When it's over, it's over. Pull down the shades and go home," Saul explains.

"But you won, Saul. You won," Carrie retorts.

"Did I? I guess I did," Saul acknowledges.

"Carrie? There's a situation," Dar says as he interrupts their short lived reunion, "The Director's asking for you in Ops 4," He says as he casually walks away.

"Saul."

"Well, you're needed," Saul says as they get up from their chairs.

"Well good luck in New York."

"Take care."

Carrie leans in for a hug and Saul reciprocates. It's short, sweet and awkward especially with her stomach in the way, but she needed it. Would she ever see this man again?

"Bye."

"Good-bye."

They part ways and about five steps in Carrie turns around hoping Saul would do the same. But he doesn't. He's done, finished with this place. He says his goodbyes to a few familiar faces and continues walking out. Carrie stands there pondering.

_How come he hasn't turned around? How can he just walk away like this after fourteen years? He has been through everything with me here. The good, the bad and the ugly. If it were the other way around I would have stayed. Even when they tell me to go, I stay. But here he is just waltzing out of my life like it doesn't even matter anymore. Nope still not turning around, he's gone. My best friend in the whole world. Time to go to this "emergency"._

Carrie turns around and heads towards the ops room. She thinks about her and Saul's conversation and accepts that she should take the Istanbul posting. The only thing holding her back before was Brody and now that he's gone, what's to stop her. Work is her other love, now her only love. Saul left her there to fill his shoes. And all by herself.

She reaches the gate, which she would usually glides through. But now, she must stop, and push the bar with her hand to avoid contact with her growing stomach. It seems as if she's been pregnant forever and this only reminds her of Brody everyday. The only things she can connect with this baby are thoughts about his death. The way she last saw him. What she thinks about, all day, everyday. It needed to end, these thoughts, that is. It's the only way she could move on, if ever. First step, a proper goodbye.

  



	2. Color me black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter has a lot of Peter Quinn. Don't get me wrong I liked Brody's character a lot. But I LOVE Peter Quinn! His character has so much potential and I wanted to address his previous desire to leave the CIA.

Friday August 23, 3013 10:00pm

The lobby was now dark and empty with the exception of Marcus the security guard, who disregards Carrie's late night presence, as it's anything but unusual. The day had been filled with a flood of emotions, from the ceremony to Saul showing up. Finally she had a moment to herself. Carrie approaches the wall, reaches into her bag and grabs her current weapon of choice. It's a just a typical black Sharpie marker, but it's sure to do the job. Brody is going to get his star.

The sound it makes when it maneuvers against the wall is electrifying. It feels right. She continues filling in the shade to imitate the others. It's there and it belongs.

_You ARE_   _a_   _hero and I'm sorry. This is for everything good you have done. Goodbye Nicholas Brody._

She inspects her memorial, satisfied with the outcome, and makes her way out the main entrance.

* * *

It's a hot summer night and the walk to her car is grueling. Digging for her car keys, she suddenly stops when there's an easily recognizable shadow looming around her car. The smell of smoke confirms her suspicion.

He is especially concerned with Carrie today and the fact that she had to sit through the ceremony, agonizing that Nicholas Brody would in fact not be named.

"Quinn?"

"Get in my truck. I'm taking you home."

Without hesitation she does as he asks. He puts out his cigarette and opens the passenger door for her.

The ever present heat wave quickly fades as Quinn blast the air conditioner. This relieves Carrie and she's ready to vent.

"Quinn I did something tonight...I might not even have a job come Monday," Carrie spits out slightly sobbing, starring at the road ahead.

"What did you do Carrie? You've been in there all day... I was worried. Lockhart left over an hour ago," he says frantically taking his eyes off the road for a moment to get a reaction.

"All I asked for was one thing, you know. One thing. It was just a star. A fucking star on an anonymous fucking wall and Lockhart couldn't say yes. He died for our country like everyone else. Bullshit. Was it that hard?"

Quinn grasps the steering wheel tight and sighs. He sits in silence allowing her to continue.

"It's there now. That's all that matters. He has one," she quickly blurts out.

Her face is now buried in her hands and she's shaking her head .

"Carrie?"

Quinn responds with concern echoing through his voice.

"It's perfect," she states, removing her hands from her face, "I've been practicing all week. Drawing them. No one will ever know. They won't. Oh shit, they're going to know! They're going to know! And I don't even care! You must think I'm an idiot, don't you?"

Silence fills the car for a few seconds, although to Carrie it feels like hours.

"Brave... I think it was brave", he reassures her. "All the shit I've done for this place, I'd never have the guts to do that."

He stops. Nothing else needed to be said. Finally, another human being has accepted Brody's heroism.

* * *

By the time he arrives at her house, Carrie is fast asleep. He's thinking about waking her, but honestly this is the first time he has saw her looking peaceful in months. He begins scavenging through her bag and successfully locates her keys. After unlocking the door, he then gracefully gathers her in his arms and makes his way towards the condo. In a very careful manner, he places her on the sofa and puts a blanket over her body. He quickly shuts off the light and starts making his way out the door. It's like an igloo in there. He stumbles and trips over something large sticking out in the hallway. An disassembled crib is the guilty object.

_Oh Carrie. Goodnight._

* * *

Quinn lights up another cigarette outside her house and pulls out his cellphone.

"I've been expecting your call Peter."

"I know."

"The first of the month is coming up soon and I missed you at ceremony. In case you forgot, that's eight days away!"

"Saul...I."

"You what?"

"I can't come to New York."

"Peter, just last month you practically begged me to get you here and you'd be an excellent addition to my team."

"Some things have happened. I have a team here that needs me. Dar. And. And..."

"I get it." He takes a deep breath. "That bad huh?" Saul knowingly acknowledges.

"Peter?"

"Yeah Saul?"

"Take care of her for me. I'm serious."

"Of course."

"Go with her, if you can."

"I will."

"I'll be back in town soon for an assignment. Let me know if anything changes."

"Will do. Good luck sir."

"You too Peter, you too."

* * *

Back at Langley, Louis the janitor had been making his rounds. He notices a lingering odor in the air and investigates. After all, he works there for a reason. To his surprise he makes a strange discovery.

_What, did I miss a field trip day, geez?_

It's a misplaced handcrafted star starring at him, he removes it immediately. He sprays bleach over the memorial and erases it from existence. Seemingly unimportant, he allows this incident to escape his memory. No one would ever know.

 


	3. Time is of the Essence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a/n: Ok this chapter is a little slow, but it's a huge set up for the rest of the story. Pretty much setting up everything for Istanbul. Enjoy Peter Quinn and his awesomeness!

Monday August 26, 2013 7:00 am

Quinn's already working on his second cup of coffee and thinking about grabbing another. It was going to be another long day. He can tell Dar was setting up an extended mission for him, but he hasn't received any details, so he waits. There's about two hours before his next meeting with Dar starts, so he heads to his office. He notices another early morning arrival on the way up.

"Hey you're here early," Quinn announces popping his head into Carrie's office.

"Yeah, well I've got an appointment later, so I have to leave early."

"You need a ride? I can take you," Quinn politely offers.

"Oh by the way thanks for the ride on Friday. Sorry I fell asleep. Did you carry me in?" Carrie reminds him.

"It's fine. You didn't answer the question. Do you want a ride?"

"Oh? No."

"You sure?"

"Quinn, no I'm fine! Please! Plus Lockhart wants to meet with me today."

"About?"

"Istanbul."

"Oh yeah, right."

"What?"

"So you're really going?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"Soon."

"Soon?"

"Yes. Soon", she now looked irritated.

"Oh because I was thinking..."

"Quinn, I really don't want to talk about it right now. Just let me talk to Lockhart. Okay?"

"You don't want to talk about it? Or you don't want to talk about her?" He implies looking down.

"Can you just go, I have work to do."

"Of course you do," he responds sarcastically and makes his way out the door.

* * *

9:15 am

"Mr. Director."

"Carrie. Please come in. Sorry about the late night Friday we wanted to familiarize you with the expectations of our Station chiefs."

"Five hours of training videos later," Carrie says sarcastically.

"It's standard procedure."

"I understand."

"Okay, where did we leave off last Monday?"

"Plans about my departure."

"Oh right. As you already know we need to confirm a timeline as for when you're leaving for Istanbul."

"Right, of course"

_This is starting good. He couldn't have seen his star, right?_

"We've set you up to leave on Friday November 1st. Is that okay?"

"November?"

"Oh sorry? Is that not enough time? It's not often that we deal with this at the agency, but HR said about six to eight weeks. I was just going by that."

"No, it's not that. Um... sir. I had more than less planned on leaving sooner."

"Sooner?"

"Yeah, I mean my dad is going to keep her in D.C. for awhile. It's much safer. You know?"

She gives as little detail as possible but still wants to get through to him that she was ready to leave. NOW.

"Um," he's unsure what to say.

"I was thinking like a month from now maybe? The sooner I get there, the better off the agency will be."

"I mean sure, if you insist. Shouldn't be a problem. I'm just going to have to run that by a few people."

"Great!"

She's relieved that's out of the way.

"Now, the first week there will be a transitional week. You'll have time to set up your living quarters, explore the city, contact your assets, tour the onsite facility, as well as meeting the agents you are assigned to work with. It's very important, so utilize that time."

"Okay. Sounds fair."

"Take this book and review it. It includes all the names and vital information of agents and people of importance. Take it as this will be your assignment for the next few weeks."

_I'm_   _pregnant not crippled_

"Will do."

"Speaking of agents, did you have any in mind that you think would be valuable to your team?"

"Fara Sherazi for one."

"I'm inclined to agree. She's a bright young woman and has proved to be very valuable to the agency. And from what I understand, she's incredible at acquiring assets. I'll set up a meeting immediately. Anyone else?"

She names off a few other agents that she has worked with over the years, but does not mention Peter Quinn. He was getting too close. Too concerned. Why couldn't he just leave some things be?

"We'll carry this conversation on what happens after your arrival over the next few days. For now I have someone else coming in."

They're interrupted as the door knocks. Quinn and Dar appear at the door standing there patiently, and Lockhart motions for the pair to join them.

"Excellent timing," Lockhart says enthusiastically.

"Carrie, Dar and I have decided that it's also best for Peter Quinn to join the team. Since he's already equip with so much intel on previous operations, he was our first choice. Obviously you two know each other, so we can not possibly come up with a better option."

"Oh. Okay. I was unaware."

"Well now you know. Okay, we'll get into more detail this week, for now I'm going to chat with Peter."

"Thank you sir."

Carrie rises and stares at Quinn as if he'd known all along until she reaches the door.

"Carrie," Lockhart gets her attention, "Your book? Take it."

"Oh right."

* * *

10:00 am

"So Peter we'll send you out around the last week in September along with Carrie."

"September?"

"Well that is compliant with Carrie's desired departure."

"I wouldn't count on it. What date did you originally plan on sir?"

"November 1st."

"Save some money. Keep it that way."

"Come again?"

"Trust me keep it that way, for everyone. Sir I know her, she won't be getting on that plane in September."

"Okay if you say so I'll leave it as is for now."

"Good."

* * *

3:30 pm

_17 missed calls from Carrie!_

"Hello?"

"What the fuck Quinn you could of at least warned me!" Carrie shouts in anger.

"Carrie I didn't even know until a half an hour before I walked in to Lockhart's office."

"Bullshit you knew! I don't need you there! I can take care of myself!"

"Oh can you? What about the other night? Or when you've come to me with shit any other day? Oh that's right, you only come to me when it's convenient for you. Same goes for anyone else. Then as soon as we try to help, you cut us off like we're an extra toe. You need to quit you stubborn ass bullshit and just take things as they happen. What I'm trying to say is stop being so damn fucking selfish!"

Quinn couldn't believe what he had just said to Carrie. But it had to happen. Saul told him to take care of her and he was going to. He had to knock some sense into that thick skull of hers.

"Fuck you Quinn!"

"Carrie I'm only trying to help you, understand that!"

"I got to go, I'm already late for my appointment."

 


	4. The waiting game

Wednesday September 4, 2013 9:00 am

The past week has been quite productive for Carrie to her surprise. Although she has not spoken with Quinn, they have sat through countless meetings together. She keeps her distance from him unlike ever before. It was strange though as she hadn't seen him in two days. Secretly this bothered her of course, but it went unacknowledged. Besides she had her assignment. That damn book. It actually wasn't that bad. Relaxing at times even. Took her mind off of things. Plus Lockhart was allowing her to be proactive in the agent selecting process, with him ultimately making the decisions of course.

Lockhart has helped her establish the roster for the team quicker than she could imagine. Some prospects declined, others were elated, and then there were those like Fara. The agents who seemed to be obligated into making a sudden choice, those that would just end up backing out later, but said yes anyways. Carrie really liked Fara and above all her work ethic. Plus, it was Saul who recruited her. She needs to know that Fara is in it for the long haul.

* * *

"Fara how are you?"

"Good Carrie, good. Yourself?"

"Look I'm sorry about cancelling on you TWICE this week, but I've been busy."

"No need to explain, really."

"Anyways, I know that you've already accepted Lockhart's offer to join our team in Istanbul, but I need to know something? I need to know that you're really in this with us, with me."

"I am."

"It's just because I know you're new to this and it can be scary at times, often unpredictable, but knowing all along that your doing a job that will protect innocent lives. Tell me that means something to you."

"Carrie I'm in. I mean, I know I've shown some bits of apprehension during previous operations, but seeing the whole picture and actually seeing the result has made it well worth my time."

"It's good to hear you say that. You have no idea. So there's absolutely nothing hold you back?"

"My father's gone now, he would have been the only reason."

"I understand."

Carrie drifts off for a moment, deep in thought.

"Carrie?" Fara says concerned. "You okay?"

"Oh, yeah sorry... Just tired."

"Well I'd like to officially welcome you to our team. I look forward to working with you over there."

"Thanks a lot. Boss."

"Well not yet, not until we get there anyway."

"Which is when?"

"Lockhart will provide you with all of those details as soon they're confirmed."

"Hey Carrie, maybe we should go to dinner, to celebrate. I mean you must have a life outside here, right?"

"Yeah, uh sure. Sometime soon."

"Great I'll see you later."

"Bye."

Carrie was now more than ever even more ready to leave. Her team was well established, she's been briefed on just about everything under the sun, and Lockhart has been as nice as he has ever been, she's ready. She's now just waiting on one thing.

* * *

7:00 pm

"Carrie let me in I know you're here. Alright nevermind I'll just let..."

"Maggie I'm coming. Damn just give me a second. Ok it's unlocked."

"Hey," Maggie says with a smile then makes a beline straight to the kitchen.

"What this?"

"Dinner, I brought some salads."

"Oh I'm fine."

"You just got home, your still in your work clothes. Just eat."

Carrie wanted to decline again. It was not because she wasn't hungry, but because she wanted her in and out as quickly as possible. But at that moment, Quinn's words to her in their last conversation had began to resonate. Here was Maggie coming over all generous, bringing her food, her own sister none the less and all she wanted her to do was go away. She was only trying to help.

_Fuck it, I'm leaving soon anyways._

_"_ I'll grab some plates Maggie."

* * *

"So where are the girls? I haven't seen them since the 4th of July."

"At home, I stopped by yesterday with them but you weren't here. I tried to get a hold of you the past two days. I just kept getting text messages that said you'd call me later."

"I've been working."

"I can't believe you're still working, your due date is-"

"Today. I know. The doctor told me yesterday it could be up to a week can you believe that? She said after that they'd probably just induce me."

"No it's normal, especially with the first."

"Or maybe it's because she doesn't want to meet me, ever."

"Carrie why do you say stuff like that?"

Carrie gets up and starts washing her plate. She's not ready to answer the question.

She makes her way to the sofa and Maggie follows. Maggie then takes in the room, as all the items she had brought over a few weeks ago had been exactly how she'd left them.

"I see a lot hasn't changed," Maggie points out.

"I don't know Maggie! I'm happy now, with my job. I've talked to dad and my boss, I have a plan!"

Carrie tries to ensure Maggie of her confidence.

"I'm not going to say it again, but I know you, things change quickly."

Carrie says nothing.

"I just want you to promise me one thing?"

"What?"

"Let me be there."

"Huh?"

"Let me be there with you. At the hospital."

"That sounds risky," Carrie manages to let out a chuckle.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

"Okay. Done."

* * *

Friday September 6, 2013 8:30am

"Mr. Director."

"Yes Carrie?"

"I need to know something, something that I've been thinking about a lot."

"And what would that be?"

"Why me? Why did you choose me to be the station chief?"

"The truth?"

"By all means."

"Well over the years our agency's station chiefs have been dubbed too conservative. Worried that any mistake would end their careers. But you, you're different. Unafraid. It's actually quite astonishing. You take what you know and what you believe in and go with it. And what do you know, it renders results. Mind you I trust you'll keep control, but prove it when you get there."

"Thank you for clearing that up. I feel even better about it now."

"Which reminds me Carrie why don't you take time off until you're ready to leave."

"I'll think about."

 


	5. Morbid curiousity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/n: yeah, you knew this was coming

Tuesday September 10, 2013 4:00pm

"Hello?"

"Carrie, hi it's me Lockhart."

"Yes I know, I'm at home packing. Is something wrong?"

"Look I know I told you to take time off last week and you have. But is it possible to get you face to face, say 6:00 pm this evening?"

"Uh, I guess so, can you tell me what this is about?"

"I'll explain when you get here. I'm sending a car. Should be there around 5:30 pm."

"A car?"

"Yes. So you'll be here?"

"Sure."

"Great."

Anxiety now begins to mount at an alarming rate.

_This sounds bad! What could he want? Something happen? Did he find out about the star? Am I still going?_

* * *

5:25 pm

"Fara? What are you doing here? I'm about to meet Lockhart. He's sending a car!"

"That's me, I'm your ride."

"You? Can you please tell me what the fuck is going on?"

"Not until you get into the car."

"Jesus christ, just tell me!"

Fara is quickly making her way towards the car and Carrie has no other option than to follow her.

"Okay, I'm in the car. Now what the fuck is happening!"

She pulls away, casually.

"I can't tell you."

"Fara I was gone four days, four days! Something must have happened."

"Carrie nothing's wrong! Besides I was sworn secrecy."

"I swear to god Fara if you don't tell me what's going on right now I'll get out at the next light," Carrie is now threatening. "Fara! Okay we're stopped I'm getting out!"

"Okay Carrie! Okay! Just calm down. It was suppose to be a surprise."

"Surprise? Surprise what?"

"Dinner! Remember I said we should celebrate? I mentioned it to Lockhart and he thought it was a fantastic idea. You were suppose to be the guest of honor. We're on our way to Cityzen, on Lockhart's tab."

"We are? I am?"

"Yes. Now you have to act surprised. Lockhart thought that sending me here would accomplish just that."

"Oh."

"Why what did you think? Carrie everything fine. Okay."

"I know. It's just that-"

"Carrie?" Fara asks, sensing something is wrong.

"Agh-"

Carrie takes in a breath and doesn't let go.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I just-," she exhales, breathing even more heavily now, "yeah."

"Do you need me to take you anywhere?"

"No I'm fine I have an app... agh... fuck! Fuck!"

She's grabbing her abdomen now, cringing.

"Carrie! Where do I need to take you!?"

Carrie gives in as she can no longer take it.

"Georgetown hospital it's 3800 Reservoir. It's like 15 minutes from here."

"Okay."

The contractions subside long enough for Carrie to make a call.

"Fuck it's going to voicemail...Maggie call me! You at the hospital? Where are you? I'm on my way! Please call me back!"

As soon as they were gone, the contractions were back, even stronger than the last.

"Fuck! Hurry Fara!"

"It's rush hour in D.C. I'm going as fast as I can."

"Shit! Fuck! What do I do Fara?"

"I don't know you're the one having a baby!"

This doesn't help, as Carrie only stares at her looking even more terrified.

"Didn't you ever go to those classes they have?"

"No, no!"

"Maybe you should call your doctor!"

Fara is now panicking just as much as Carrie now.

"Yeah... good idea."

* * *

7:00 pm

"Okay things are running pretty smoothly, I'll be back in a little while to check your progression," the doctor tries to reassure her. "Just call the nurses station if anything changes. Okay?"

Her doctor then puts down the chart and starts making her way out.

"Where's my sister? Where's Maggie?"

"I spoke to her a little while ago. She said she'd be up as soon as she could. I'll be back."

Carrie then turns to her father.

"Dad find her! Please! She said she'd be here!"

"Carrie the doctor said she'd be right up. I'm here. Just relax. Breathe."

"Dad! Please!"

"Okay. Okay. I'll go look."

Frank walks out as Fara walks in.

"Carrie, can I get anything for you?"

"No it's fine just call Lockhart tell him I'm here."

"You sure? I can stay. Until your sister gets here."

"I'm sure. Thank you Fara so much for bringing me, but I'm fine. Go. Enjoy dinner with everyone... Fara wait! Can ya just grab me that ice over there?"

"Yes, of course. I can sta-"

"Fara no! I got this."

"Okay, good luck!"

"Yeah, right."

"Bye."

Her brave face wasn't fooling Fara, and she was right. Carrie was more scared than ever. Even more so alone. It would have been different. Different if he was here. There would be no reason to be afraid.

* * *

8:00pm

"Jesus Maggie there you are! Where were you?"

"I work at a hospital Carrie, things happen. I couldn't just abandon my patients."

"I'm sorry! It's just, you said you'd be here."

"Well I'm here now. What do you need?"

"How long is this going to take?"

"As long as it needs to take. There's no clock on these types of things."

"Well hopefully soon. I feel like someone's stabbing me. Where'd dad go?"

"Home. He said to call him when things picked up. Which they will."

"Great."

"You going to need drugs?"

"Yes!"

* * *

11:30pm

"Okay, Carrie. So things are running a little bit slower than expected. This sometimes happens with late term babies. I'm going to give you some oxytocin, a hormone which should speed up the process. Sound good?"

"Yes. Thank you."

"I see you feel better since that epidural kicked in."

"Thank god!"

"Okay I'll be back soon."

Door shuts.

"Maggie I can't thank you enough for staying with me. I can't do it alone."

"You don't have to. I'm not going anywhere."

"Was it this bad for you the first time?"

"Well probably worse. I didn't get an epidural. But you know who made it all better?"

"Who?"

"Ruby."

* * *

Wednesday September 11, 2013 2:30 am

"Maggie what's going on? Why is that machine flashing?"

"Hang on I'll check".

Maggie gets up to investigate.

"The baby's heart rate dropped a little, but not that much. I'd call the nurses station just in case."

By the time the doctor and nurses reached the room the baby's heart rate had dropped even more.

"Maggie?"

"Carrie they can handle this okay."

"What happened Maggie?" Her colleague asks her.

"All of a sudden the baby's heart rate started dropping. Is it stablizing?"

The machine was still going. Carrie lays there helpless as Maggie and her co-worker use a bunch of medical terms that she's for the most part never heard before. More people begin to flood into the room. After about two minutes the doctor finally starts to tell Carrie exactly what was going to happen, while transferring her to a portable bed.

"Carrie the baby's heart rate is dropping too quickly and we haven't found a way to manage it. We're moving you to the operating room for an Emergency C-section. All we want to do is get the baby out as quickly and safely as possible. Sign this for us here saying we can do this and we're all set. Everything's going to be okay."

"Can Maggie come?!"

"Yes she can, she can come. She's suiting up right now."

Before, all she wanted was the get this baby out of her. Now that it's being forced and near, she has no idea what she's feeling.

_Oh god_  I  _wish you were here Brody!_

It's all very fast. It only takes about three minutes after getting in the OR. Carrie grips Maggie's hand tight, practically breaking it.

"Okay almost!" She can hear the doctor saying.

"Okay we have a baby girl."

"She's out? She's here?" Carrie asks frantically, although looking quite relieved. She then gets the slightest glimpse of her newborn as they carry her away.

"Yes she is!" Maggie says smiling back at her sister.

"I don't hear her though, she's not crying," Carrie says surprised at her own concern.

"She will," Maggie assures her.

They listen in on the doctors.

"6lbs 2oz 19 1/2 in. Time of birth 2:44am Wednesday September 11, 2013."

_My god what is this? What's wrong with me?_

The doctors now sounded different, something was't right.

"Can I get more suction now! This isn't working. Call the NICU. Tell them we have rapid breathing pattern and we might need a cpap. Prepare the x-ray tech too. Let's move people!"

"Maggie? What's happening?"

The doctor approaches Carrie.

"Carrie we're going to keep you here to stitch you back up. We're moving the baby to the NICU. She breathing, but with trouble, which concerns us."

"What does that even mean?"

"We're going to give her supplemental oxygen and monitor her closely. You won't be able to see her just now, but it should be soon."

"I've got to go Carrie. I can't stay in here," Maggie tells her.

"No Maggie please! Stay."

Carrie is now sobbing and pleading with Maggie to stay.

"Carrie she just needs to leave while we stitch you up. It's procedure."

"Fuck procedure."

* * *

9:00 am

Maggie walks in as she starts to wake up, out of it, but remembering exactly where she is. She rises trying to get out of bed.

"Carrie you awake?"

"Huh?"

"Carrie listen, don't sit up too fast they gave you morphine. You might not be able to feel it, but your stitches be careful. The doctor is right behind me she's coming in."

"Hi Carrie. I'm sure Maggie's already told you but you can not get out of bed for at least 24 hours. Okay?"

"Okay. Okay."

Carrie has brought up her indecision about not keeping the baby to her doctor lately, but the she dismisses it completely.

"You probably want to know how your daughter is doing right?"

_My daughter? The baby right._

She nods.

"Okay now. She's stabilized in the NICU. We think she has something called TTN or Transient Tachypnea of the Newborn..."

Carrie is listening although it's as if she's not there. She's not able to look at the doctor and stares blankly ahead, ears ringing.

"...It's caused from an extreme amount of fluid accumulation in the infant's lungs during delivery. It usually clears up after 24 hours, but it could also last several days. Beyond that she's overall completely heathy. Congratulations! Carrie? Carrie? Did you get all that?"

"What? Yes. Yes. Thank you."

"For now stay here, I will let you know when you can go see her, Maggie just did."

"You did?"

"I did. Ah Laurie, can you give us a moment?"

"Sure Maggie."

"Carrie I saw her a half hour ago. With dad. She's beautiful. I bet you can't wait to see her when you can get up."

Carrie shakes her head in disagreement and starts crying uncontrollably.

"Maggie I can't! I can't!"

"Yes you can!"

"No, I can't! Everything... just, no!"

"Why not Carrie? She's going to be fine. Didn't you just here the doctor?" Maggie says, now desperate.

"Because of me! This is all because of me! It wasn't suppose to be this way! It's all my fault! Everything! I couldn't!"

"It's not your fault. This had nothing to do with you! These things just happen."

"It has everything to do with me", she cries. "Starting with the drinking, then I got shot. It hurt her!"

"You what? When?"

"Then I had to watch her father die! I made him go, I gave him no choice, it's all my fault! Her dad is dead because of me! Everything I do, anything I'd ever do will only hurt her even more. I'm the problem! I can't be her mom!"

Maggie is now holding her sister, in tears herself.

"It's not your fault. It's not!"

She sits with Carrie until she falls back asleep.

* * *

11:00 pm

Doctors have been in and out all day. Frank and Maggie had headed home for the night, all Carrie had left were her thoughts. About herself and how she was still thinking it was all her fault. About Brody and how much she missed him. How much she desperately wished he was here to tell her everything was going to be ok, because it wasn't. And that baby. Their baby. She declined a picture from Maggie, but why was she still wondering so much about this baby? She wasn't going to keep her. She couldn't! Istanbul!

_Was this what Maggie was talking about? No. Can't be. But what does she look like? Is she big? Small? I don't know what six pounds looks like. Does she look like him? She must. She probably has his eyes. His perfect blue eyes. It would be like seeing him! I've got to! I need to see those eyes!_

* * *

She can't take it anymore. The sense of morbid curiosity has taken total control. She has to know! She sits up and proceeds to get out of bed, but not before removing her own catheter (ouch!). It hurts so much, but she doesn't care.

As she gets closer, she's no longer sure of what she's doing. It feels as if the walls are caving in. She fighting for every step. Each stride accompanying another frivolous fear. She wants to turn around, but she's almost there. Almost!

A glowing light is now becoming more prominent. Like a magnetic force, Carrie looks in eyes glued.

There she is, her daughter. She can't see much but it's enough. Enough to keep her there motionless. Now with her face practically right against the window, she can't possibly get any closer. She gazes in confused, scared and content all the same time.

"Carrie! Carrie! You shouldn't be walking," her nurse shouts trying get her attention.

There's no response.

"Carrie? You can't be standing!"

With her requests still receiving no acknowledgement, the nurse grabs a nearby wheel chair.

"Here sit!"

She does so, still without taking her eyes off her daughter.

"You're putting me in a bad spot Carrie."

The nurse wants to bring her back to her room, but seeing Carrie the way she is, she doesn't have the heart.

"Well since we're already down here would you like to go meet her?"

Again, without removing her eyes from looking into the glass she nods.

She now in closer still not able to see those eyes, as they're completely shut. It doesn't matter any longer. The thought of seeing those eyes has escaped her. It's no longer important.

Her face was engulfed with an oxygen mask, and machines and tubes were everywhere. But that's not what Carrie can see. All she can see is her hair, her blonde hair, and her ears, all Brody. The baby is moving in the slightest mostly her hands. Carrie's now focusing on her hands. Damn they're small. Without hesitation she reaches in. The baby's now grasping her index finger not letting go and neither is Carrie.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I haven't successfully made you laugh and cry, then I wasn't doing my job. I wrote this chapter because I know that we'll never get anything like this on the actual show. Also, the medical stuff is a little specific. My mom was a neonatal nurse for ten years, I'm used to it. Please, let me know what you think.


	6. Screwdriver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/n: picks up right after the last chapter

Thursday September 12, 2013 7:00 am

"Hey Sherri," Maggie says as she arrives on the maternity floor with a tote of coffee, "I figured you guys would need this dealing with my sister and all."

"Oh my god! That's right," Sherri realizes.

"What? What happened?" Maggie starts to question the nurse anxiously.

"I forgot that was your sister. I haven't been in since Monday. Yeah, she's the one everyone's been talking about."

"Oh no, what did she do?" Maggie's now nervous.

"Well she's not a very good listener, but Pam found her out of her room last night."

"What was she trying to leave? God I told her she could not get up!"

"Oh god no! The opposite. She was standing outside the NICU trying to see your niece. Pam felt so bad she hadn't seen her yet that she let her in. She even fell asleep in there with her."

"What? I don't even believe it. I'm going to go talk to her."

"Maggie wait!"

"Yeah."

"I'd leave her alone for now, she just fell asleep at five and they brought her back to her room."

"Okay. And how is my niece? Has she responded well to the treatment?"

"Actually, yes, they are working on taking her out of the NICU as we speak. The lab says everything's looking much better."

"Wow okay then! I'm going to go head back to the the fourth floor. I'll definitely be back soon."

* * *

1:00 pm

"Okay, doesn't look like there's much of any damage, but now we're going to have to start all over again. Please do not get up until tomorrow." The doctor is now very stern with Carrie, as she does not look very happy.

"We're trying to send you home by Saturday. But hey we have a surprise for you. Sherri come in."

As nurse enters the room with the bassinet, Carrie suddenly perks up.

"She's doing great Carrie, she really is. We bathed her, changed her and feed her, so she's all ready for you. I'm assuming that you're anxious to hold her?"

She gives the signal and the nurse hands her over, gently, and the newborn conforms into her mother's arms.

She begins to feel a sense of gratification that she's never felt before. The only thing close to it was the way she felt with Brody. It was all finally starting to make sense now. There's absolutely no words to describe the way she's feeling.

"Okay you seem like you've got the hang of this. We'll leave you two to it."

As the medical personnel leave, Carrie instinctively shifts the infant in front of her, propping her head up with her hand for a closer view. She is not done exploring her yet. Her bewilderment is then disrupted when the baby opens her eyes. Those same eyes. Only up until now, does she begin to cry.

* * *

4:00 pm

"Hey."

"Hey Maggie."

"How you guys doing?"

"Better. She's sleeping. That's about all she does."

They both smile.

"They told me what happened last night."

"Yeah, I bet."

"So, what made you change your mind?"

"I don't know, I just... had to. I had to know what I was about to leave behind."

"And now?"

"You know I didn't want to believe you. I couldn't. The fact that every single day was just another day of self loathing for going through with this. It's not okay you know?"

"What's not okay Carrie?"

"The fact that I'm going to have to go through the rest of my life regretting that I didn't love her from the very beginning."

"Oh Carrie. Don't beat yourself up. All that matters is that you do now."

The baby begins to stir.

"Do you want to hold her?"

"Of course I do," Maggie states eagerly.

_Knock, knock, knock_

"Hey, it's your father. I brought two of your favorite people with me."

Frank, Ruby, and Josie enter the room.

"Aunt Carrie!" Both of her nieces shout at the same time.

"Hey you two, come here!"

The three embrace as they haven't seen each other in awhile. The girls then switch their attention to their cousin.

"Can I hold her?" Ruby asks.

"Uh, yeah just have your mom help you."

"Aunt Carrie?"

"Yeah Josie?"

"What's her name?"

_Oh shit, a name. That's right._

It hadn't even crossed her mind.

"Um, I haven't decided yet."

"Oh, can we pick it?"

"I don't know maybe."

"How about Cinderella?"

"Josie," Maggie says trying to get her youngest to lay off the questions.

"No, it's okay Maggie she's right. She needs a name."

"What about Princess Aurora?"

* * *

6:00pm

"Hey Carrie I'm going to get going soon. You said you wanted me to stop at your house and get some things right?"

"Oh right, thank you dad, I made a list. Mostly just clothes and shampoo. God I can't wait til I can shower tomorrow."

"I'll stop there tonight, so I can be back first thing in the morning."

"Okay."

"And Carrie? What exactly do you have for her that we didn't bring over?"

"The truth. Not a thing. Take my card. Buy whatever you think she'll need."

* * *

7:00 pm

"Carrie you have a visitor," one of the night nurses announces.

"I thought my dad left an hour..."

She stops mid-sentence when he walks in, as he's the last person she thought she'd see tonight.

"Hello Carrie," Saul says smiling as he enters the room.

"Saul!? What are you doing here?"

"In DC? I'm here working on a case with the FBI. The new job keeps me in the states a lot."

"How'd you know I was here?"

"Peter told me. I guess Fara wasn't too quiet about it."

"It's okay, she's my messenger."

"So, I see you have a daughter now?" He says reading the 'baby girl Mathison' tag on the bassinet.

"Yeah, like you didn't notice I was about to pop at the ceremony."

He laughs.

"I got to tell you Carrie, If someone told me a year ago that I'd be here right now having this conversation, I'd laughed them out of the room."

"You're telling me. Do you want to hold her?" Carrie asks Saul, fully expecting him to decline holding Brody's child.

"Sure, why do you think I came tonight? To see you?"

Carrie shakes her head and grins.

"No but really I missed you Carrie. I miss working with you. I think about how you're doing all the time."

"I'm sorry about not returning your calls Saul. I just, wasn't ready you know."

"Carrie, you know you don't need to apologize for that."

They both sit in silence not needing to speak, but knowing exactly what the other is thinking.

"So when are you here until?" Carrie says breaking the silence.

"I'm leaving for New York tonight. I wish I could stay longer. What about you when's moving day?"

"Istanbul? I'm suppose to leave on the 27th. Of this month that is."

"Damn that's a tight squeeze," Saul says as he heads back to place the baby in the bassinet.

"You can give her to me," she stops him. "Lockhart. He doesn't know", she says as he hands the baby over.

"About the baby?" He sounds shocked.

"No, not that, of course he knows about her. No, that I'm going to bring her with me. I was going to leave her here with my dad."

"Yeah Peter told me that too. Well good luck with that."

"I know. What didn't he tell you exactly?"

"Look with him there I'm sure you'll be fine. I asked him if he could go."

"You did?"

"If I can't be there, then I want someone I can trust to have your back."

"I'm glad you told me."

"Hey Carrie who knows, maybe we'll see each other over there. My new firm has plenty of action going on over there."

"Yeah, maybe."

"Well I'm sorry to run, but I've got a plane leaving in one hour."

"Thanks for stopping in Saul, I really did miss you."

"Please Carrie keep in touch."

"I will Saul. Bye."

"No. I'll see you later."

* * *

8:30pm

Frank enters Carrie's seemingly empty condo after shopping only to realize something is not right. There are lights on everywhere.

"Hello!" Frank shouts, but gets no answer.

Now he's starting to hear commotion from another room.

"Hellllllloooooo," he says again still getting no response.

"Listen asshole if you don't tell me who you are right now, I'll have the cops here in two minutes."

"Don't," a voice says coming from the living room. He then peaks his head in the hallway.

"Look, I can explain," he says.

"Hey I remember you. You were there that day. At my daughter's hearing," Franks recalls.

"Yeah that was me. She is kind of like my boss," Quinn says.

"Yet it still doesn't explain why the hell you are here right now."

"You know where I can find a screwdriver in here?"

"A what a screwdriver?"

"Ever since I tripped on it, I told myself I was going to put it together."

"Put together? Put together what?"

"The crib! I've spent three hours on it and have gotten nowhere."

Frank is then delighted by the gesture.

"You came all the way here to put it together for her? I shouldn't even ask how you got in right?"

"Look are you handy? I can't put furniture together to save my life."

"As a matter of fact I am."

 


	7. The truth, and nothing but the truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since she's come home from the hospital Carrie's been with her daughter day and night. Frank has also been staying with her to help with the transition. Although she's still 100 percent on going to Istanbul, she's not too excited about having to leave by Friday.

 

* * *

Monday September 23, 2013 10:00 am

"Carrie make it quick, I'm getting hungry. We're getting hungry," Frank says while peering in the back seat at a sleeping Stella Frances Mathison.

"Dad I will but this is important, I need to talk with my boss, Today."

"I still can't believe you're going so soon. I mean Friday! Come on."

"Dad why do you think I'm here? To talk about inventory? No."

"Okay but really, make it quick."

* * *

"Carrie! I wasn't expecting to see you so quickly. How are you doing?"

"Good," she smiles. "Everything's going really well.

"And the baby?"

"Well, Sir, that's kind of why I'm here today."

"Oh. You haven't changed your mind about being Station chief, right?"

"No no, I've invested way too much, I'm going."

"Oh. Then what exactly is the issue here?" He asks curiously.

"My daughter, she was born with a few minor complications. She's fine now but the doctors want me to bring her in weekly for the first six weeks. The problem is, is that I'm suppose to be leaving Friday."

She pauses waiting for him to be upset that this was so last minute.

"Friday? This Friday?"

"Yes. That is what we discussed last month. Right? September 27th?"

"Oh no, I never changed it from what we originally planned. I still have you scheduled to leave on November 1st."

"You never changed it? Why?"

"Someone told me it would be a very bad idea."

"Who? Oh... Quinn."

"Wow, you two know each other better than I thought. If I didn't know any better I'd think the two of you-"

"No no. Sir I can assure you that nothing is going on between us."

"Good. Because the last thing we need over there is an emotional conflict of interest."

"Understood. And sir? I did change my mind about one thing."

"Which would be?"

"I'm bringing my kid with me. If she can't go then I won't."

"Carrie, that was never an issue with us, it was only ever an issue with you."

He reminds her of her previous ambivalence.

"Oh right. Well thank you so much for your time today and I'll see you very soon."

"Okay. Go home Carrie."

"Bye."

* * *

10:30 am

Carrie's about to leave, but Quinn's office is right around the corner. She has to go make things right.

"Hey Qu-"

She walks in as he's taking off his coffee stained shirt.

"Oh sorry. I didn't," she says while putting her head down.

"It's okay, come in."

She can't help but stare for the time being while his face is buried in his fresh shirt that he's now putting over his head.

"So what's up Carrie, what are you doing here? Couldn't stay away?"

"How did you know Quinn? How did you know that I wasn't going to leave right away?"

He gets up now and walks closer.

"Because I did."

She grins at his simple answer.

"Quinn I've been horrible to you this past month and I'm sorry. Why do you even put up with me?"

He now gets even closer, looking directly into her eyes.

"Because you're a good person and it looked like you needed some help."

His gaze now lingers and she's not looking away either. It's suddenly interrupted when a sound on Carrie's phone goes off.

"Shit, it's my dad! He's waiting for me. Ugh he sent me a text."

_Carrie this little lady is hungry and you forgot to pack a bottle. I'm going back to your place. I can pick you up later. Otherwise find a ride home._

"Shit," she says again.

"What?"

"My dad left, he was my ride."

"I can give you a ride home."

"Thanks, I'd like that."

"Besides, I haven't gotten to meet-"

"Stella."

* * *

11:00 am

"So much more room in your truck than I remember", she says jokingly.

"I can't wait til I can drive again!" She says eagerly.

"So 'political officer' are you ready to be a boss?"

"Why yes 'United States air force specialist', I am. Are you ready to follow orders?"

"Depends. But your not my boss yet."

"Ugh, I'm so am glad I still have time here before I leave. My dad was bugging out. So When are you leaving?"

"I'm going out the week before you, we can't both just show up at the same time."

"No shit Sherlock, that's why I asked."

"Well I see you haven't changed much," he says with a smile.

"Just because I-," she stops, "fuck! Quinn can you please pull in the the store up here. I totally forgot to get formula."

He is still laughing and nods.

"Nope not one bit."

"Just stay here I'll be right out."

* * *

She walks up and down the aisles, but has absolutely no idea where to go, since her father had purchased her current supply. While browsing through the soda aisle, an employee offers some help.

"Can I help you find anything?" The young woman asks standing behind Carrie.

"Oh, yes please, can you tell me where I can find-"

As she turns around, she stops, frozen in place.

"Da- Dana?"

"Oh my god it's you again," Dana says looking quite dismayed. "Were you spying on me. Again!"

"Dana no really I was-"

"Save it! Just leave me alone," she says making her way in the opposite direction.

Carrie was going to leave it alone but she couldn't. She was leaving in five weeks and wasn't sure if she'd ever see her again. She had to let Dana know what happened, no matter what the cost. It was Stella's sister after all.

"Dana wait," she says quickly catching up with her.

"No Carrie just leave me alone!"

"Dana please stop, just give me a minute," she begs.

"What? What Carrie? Are you going to tell me that my dad wants to see me again? I'm not interested!"

Carrie should have expected that, but she hadn't. Dana now picks up the somber look now present on Carrie's face. Yet she's composed enough to carry on the conversation.

"No. I just think you should know the truth. There real truth!"

Dana sighs.

"Look Carrie I have to get back to work."

"Dana I know deep down you want the truth. I'm offering you information that very few people know."

With this said, Dana knows her father is not with Carrie. She wouldn't have referred to it as information if he was.

"Fine Carrie, but not now, I really have to go back to work!" She says unfolding her arms.

"Okay. Okay, uh, can you come by my place?"

"I don't get off until 7."

"Here's the address. Don't ring the doorbell just knock," Carrie says while jotting down her address.

"Fine I'll stop around 8."

"Okay good. I've got to go too. I'll see you later."

Carrie goes back to searching for the formula.

"Carrie did you still need help?" Dana shouts.

"No, I'll find it. Thanks."

* * *

"Damn you were in there for awhile. What did you get lost?"

"Yeah I did," she says blankly.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, let's go."

* * *

7:30 pm

"Dad if you want to go home you can you know," Carrie says returning from her bedroom.

"You sure? I don't want to leave you here alone."

"We'll be fine. Plus you won't be in Istanbul with me, I shouldn't get used to this."

"That's true, I'm really glad you're staying awhile longer."

"Yeah, me too."

"Well do you think you'll need me tomorrow?"

"I'll let you know."

"Okay, I'll see you later."

Carrie needed Frank to leave. Dana was presumably on her way over, and his presence would have made it awkward.

She pours the first glass of wine that she's had since before going to the psych ward, and waits.

_Ding dong!_

"Dammit I told her to knock!"

She rushes to the door before it happens again.

"Dana I wasn't kidding about the knocking," she says quietly answering the door.

"Well obviously it works. See."

She proceeds to do it again.

"No!"

"See it works," Dana says with a smirk.

"I know it does just come in."

_Weird!_

Dana mutters to herself as she enters not going past the front entry.

"Do you want to sit?" Carrie offers.

"Please make this quick, I've got class at 7 and then have to be back to work at 12."

With slight hesitation Carrie begins.

"Dana above all you must not let this information leave here."

Dana's now becoming more intrigued.

"Okay I won't."

"Dana I'm serious!"

"Okay," she says changing her sarcastic tone.

"The first thing you should know is that, that video is not real. It is, but he didn't bomb the CIA. We found the real bomber, he's dead. He made that video the year before, the day... the day you stopped him," Carrie tells her, expecting her not to know.

"He told me you know. The day of the bombing. He told me he didn't do it that day, because of me."

"He did? It's just, he never told me. That you knew."

"And here I thought you were the one who knew everything? So what are you getting at Carrie?"

She starts stalling for a moment, but then just spits it out.

"He died Dana!"

She immediately walks into the kitchen and begins pouring more wine. Dana follows.

"He's, he's dead?" She says stunned.

"How?"

Dana watches as Carrie consumes the remaining contents of her second glass.

"Dana, I know you have your opinions about him, with reason. But I can tell you now, he left a hero."

Carrie awaits a response.

"Why? Why are you telling me this?" She says looking quite distraught.

"I thought, of all people, that you deserved closure," Carrie explains, with a few tears rolling down her face.

"I did. I wanted it. I just never thought it would happen," Dana replies in anguish, now sobbing herself.

"It's going to be okay Dana."

The atmosphere is then abruptly neutralized when the monitor in the kitchen goes off.

"Shit. Dana I'll be right back. Just go sit in the living room or something."

Dana is now puzzled, but does as she asks. She enters the room, now full of paraphernalia appropriate for an infant, and has an epiphany.

_No. No way! It can't be._

"Oh good your still here," Carrie says entering the room with Stella.

"You have a baby?"

She wastes no time with the questions.

"How old is it?"

"She is almost 2 weeks old. This is Stella."

"Carrie you said you'd tell me the truth right?"

"I did. And I meant it."

"Is that... my? My..."

She can't seem to finish the question.

"Yes. She is."

"Wow just wow!"

Dana's now throwing her hands up.

"Just when I thought I'd learned enough tonight. Just keeps on rolling."

They sigh simultaneously.

"But... I'm glad you told me, really. And I mean everything," Dana's says relived.

"Here hold her a second for me."

Carrie almost forcefully passes her over.

"I'll be right back."

As she walks into the kitchen, the baby begins wailing in Dana's now terrified arms.

"Wait where are you? Carrie!"

"Just a sec!"

"Hurry! Something's wrong!"

"Nothing is wrong," she says re-entering the room. "Hey do you want to see a magic trick?"

"Are you kidding me right now?!" Dana stares at her baffled.

"Put this in her mouth," she says passing the bottle to Dana.

"Oh my god, that was literally instantaneous!" She remarks.

"Told ya."

She watches as Dana smiles, feeding her sister. It's in fact the first time she's ever seen Dana smile.

  



	8. Safety first

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carrie cannot believe it but she enjoys spending all of her free time with her family, particularly her daughter. She's overprotective and doesn't even realize it. In fact, even though she knew she was going to move, she made Virgil and Max install security cameras around the house.
> 
> Quinn has already arrived overseas, and is getting used to life in Istanbul. He's used to getting in and out of places while on a mission, so he has to make the best of it.

 

* * *

Sunday October 27, 2013 12:00pm

"This one looks nice, huh Stella?"

The baby coos as Carrie calmly searches for apartments.

"I know a central air and a dishwasher."

_knock knock knock._

"Of course the one time you knock she's not sleeping."

Dana shrugs.

"She's in her bouncer", Carrie says as Dana is already making her way in.

She returns to her desk while Dana plays with the baby.

_Ring Ring!_

"I've got to take that."

Carrie hurries to the kitchen to answer her burner phone.

_This from Istanbul?_

She exits the condo onto the patio so that Dana cannot hear her.

"Hey."

"Quinn what's up?" She says easily recognizing his voice.

"Fucking Dar!"

"What?"

"I mean come on I've never even watched a soccer game my whole life!"

"Huh?"

"Is he just fucking with me?"

"Quinn what the fuck are you talking about?"

"Fuckers decided last minute that I'd be better suited in sports diplomacy. I'm a hockey guy myself, but now I have to sit around and pretend that I care about association football and the Istanbul Olympic bid for 2028."

"Ouch, did they say why?" She's now curious.

"No idea. But the meet and greet was torturous. This guy Jason wouldn't shut the fuck up about... whatever team they have in Germany."

"Good luck with that. So other than that how is it over there?"

"Nice. Pretty modern. I'm staying at a hotel nearby. A lot of people speak English so I think I'll live."

She laughs.

"That's good at least... Quinn, do you think you could do me a favor?"

"Carrie I'm halfway across the world. What could I possibly do for you?"

"I need you to check out a neighborhood. I like a house there, but I need to make sure it's safe, Plus I need to let Lockhart know by Wednesday."

"Where at?"

"Ortakoy."

"I'll check tomorrow, can't see a damn thing right now."

"Carrie you out here?"

Quinn now hears a voice in the back round.

_Shit!_

"I'll be right in."

"Who's that?"

"Uh, my nanny."

"You don't have a nanny Carrie."

She sees no point in lying now.

"Ok it's Dana."

"As in Brody?!"

"Yes as in Brody. She found out, about her sister. What does it matter anyways?"

"Carrie please tell me, tell me that you did not say too much!" He is now yelling.

"She knows what she needs to know and that's it! God Quinn it's fine!" She shouts back.

"Okay, I trust you, but what is she even doing there then?"

"Do I really need to answer that question?"

"Probably not."

"Good."

"Carrie Before I go I thought I'd let you know-"

The phone cuts out before He can finish.

"Quinn. Quinn? Ugh Bye."

She re-enters the condo.

"Sorry, It was just someone from work."

"Yeah I kind of figured with your job and all. I can't believe you guys are leaving."

"Five whole days away."

"I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm going to miss you guys. I mean really, thank you, for everything Carrie", she sounds sincere.

"You don't have to. I wanted to."

Dana accepts this but thinks about what she should do next.

"I think I'm going to go see my mom."

"Dana you should. I'm sure she misses you. Just go."

"I will, it's just that she doesn't understand me. Not like you do."

"She's just worried. She's just trying to help you. I'm sure Mike and Chris miss you too."

"I know your right. Hey Carrie, will I be able to see Stella when you guys come back?"

"Of course."

* * *

5:00 pm

"Hey come on in," Maggie says as she greets her sister at the door.

"Where is everyone?"

"On the hunt for garlic bread, dinner is just getting started."

Carrie places the car seat on the kitchen floor and begins slicing vegetables with Maggie.

"So Maggie I wanted to talk to you about something. I need your advice."

"Shoot."

"I want to go back on my lithium. I mean I know I'm fine now, but with her, my new job, and being halfway across the world it would be too much of a risk. You know?"

"I agree, so what's the question?"

"Do you think Dr. Rosenburg would be able to give me a couple months supply? You know until I find a doctor there." She desperately wants a reply.

"It's a lot of paper work, but I think It can be done. You free tomorrow?"

"Yeah", she sounds relieved.

"Good, meet me at the hospital. He'll be there tomorrow. Besides everyone wants to see the baby."

"Thanks."

Maggie changes the subject.

"So are you guys ready to go?"

There is a long pause.

"Yes... No. Well yes. I mean, before all I wanted was the job, but after everything that has happened I just never thought I could have both. But this is what I want, for me. I'm just-"

"Worried?"

"Yes that, how did you know?"

"Because you're not just thinking about yourself anymore... Carrie you're doing great really. You finally have a routine, a plan, a schedule. Just promise me you'll be careful, at least for her."

"I will. I trust my people over there."

* * *

Wednesday October 30, 2013

"So have you finally chosen a residency?"

"I have", Carrie says as she hands Lockhart over the details.

"A gated community?" He raises an eyebrow.

"Is there a problem with that sir?"

"We can make it work, it's just a little more pricier than we wanted it to look. I would suggest mentioning that your parents are wealthy, or something like that."

"I'll figure something out."

"Good. So have you read the book I gave you?"

"Every word, twice over."

"Excellent, now Carrie there is just one more detail we need to discuss before you leave?"

"And that would be?"

"Peter Quinn. He's our solider abroad. He's efficient and useful WHEN we need him. Our last resort."

"Okay?"

"You do not know him. You will not speak with him. You've never heard his name. He must remain anonymous from everyone at the agency at all costs. Understood?"

 _You son of_ a _bitch!_

"I do", she says with a forced smile.

"And Carrie, have a safe flight."


	9. 9 to 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picks up a couple months later in Istanbul

* * *

 

The past eight weeks have been running for the most part fairly smooth in Istanbul. Everyone has adapted to their roles very well. Carrie's newest team members Julian, Alejandro, and Gina are also phenomenal. They were all junior analysts five years ago and have rightfully earned their positions as case officers abroad.

Although they all excel in their work, they cannot compare to Fara's given talent to recruit. She has already acquired two promising agents, who have thus far confirmed previously known intel for the agency. Her title given was simply 'secretary' where she works in the same section as Carrie. The three other agents work on the floor directly below, and of course Quinn is in the international events department.

They have seen each other a handful of times, and have fought the urge to give even a simple hello. Even though they are not in contact Quinn often sits outside the building to ensure that Carrie arrives safely. He also feels better about the situation by knowing where she lives.

Seemingly impossible to get use to, Quinn is actually enjoying himself here, and has become quite popular with his co-workers. They often gather at a sports bar after work, and just know how to have a good time.

Carrie on the other hand is quite bored. She thought her position would be more hands on rather than just always having to give the okay on everything. Her previous missions however were never this stable, as she is mostly office bound. Lockhart only has her assigned to one asset, Javadi. Although important, she has yet to meet with him in person. The timing hasn't been quite right.

Even though her arrangements with Javadi haven't been fulfilled, her life at home keeps her busy. She works mostly 9 to 5 Monday to Friday, and spends her evenings and weekends with Stella. Her nanny Aylin, as provided by the agency, is also great and always accommodates Carrie's sometimes unpredictable work days.

At work Carrie wears a wedding ring and as part of her cover story, and claims her husband died in a car accident eight months ago. Although not too far off from the truth, it keeps her off the market, because she is still not ready for any relationship other than with her daughter. Coincidentally, Stella is probably the best cover she's ever had. Not that she wants her to be, but it is what it is. Not in a million years would anyone ever think that a 30s something female, recently widowed, and new mother could possibly be the Istanbul Station Chief.

* * *

Wednesday December 25, 3013 12:00pm

Carrie loves the fact that she and Fara work in the same department. It gives them an excuse to frequently go to lunch together without any suspicion. They often choose secluded restaurants with loud music where nobody can hear their conversations, because of course most of this time includes business. Today, Fara has just uncovered some vital information.

"Carrie, I just found out that 'He' will be in the country doing a week long unity tour. Would you like me to find out when you can meet with him?"

"God yes. Do you need Saul's contact codes, or do you have them memorized?"

"I have them memorized."

"When is he coming?"

"Two weeks from now."

Carrie is now officially back in the game and she couldn't be more anxious.

"Are you nervous?"

Fara asks as she has always been intimidated of Javadi.

"Not at all. Fara don't let the man get to you, we have enough on him to nail his ass to the wall if we need to," she says confidently.

"I know Carrie, but now that he's back in Iran I fear that he might threaten my family, if given the chance."

"You have nothing to worry about Fara. I think he's more concerned with his power status. He's where he wants to be, he's where we want him to be at. It's a good thing going you know?"

"Yeah, I guess that's true", she seems to agree.

""Fara tell them Yoga on 77."

"What?"

"He'll know."

"Okay."

* * *

7:30pm

Even though it's Christmas day, it is not considered a holiday in Turkey and Carrie has worked her normal day. Although some important things happened at work, she finds time to Skype with her family.

The screen finally connects to her family after about 5 minutes, and Josie and Ruby are on the other end.

"Merry Christmas", the girls scream louder than expected, causing the baby to be startled.

"Well you guys seem pretty happy. What did santa bring you?"

They both then flash their brand new cell phones into the camera.

"What are you guys 12 and 9? I didn't even have one until I was out of college."

"Santa actually got us something good this year", Ruby says jokingly.

"Hi Stella," Josie adds as she waves.

"Carrie is that you?"

She can hear Maggie's voice in the back round.

"Carrie! How's it going I haven't heard from you in weeks?"

"Well we both finally met our doctors. She gained 5 lbs and I lost 5 win win. So how are you guys?"

"Good. Did you pick up the gift I sent you?"

"Yeah, I was just waiting until I called you to open it."

She then begins tearing off the paper to the rectangular object, to reveal a framed photograph. Pictured is Frank, Maggie, Ruby, Josie, as well as Carrie holding Stella.

She sighs as she stares at the picture.

"It's our first family photo that is from the hospital, I thought you'd like it", Maggie says.

"I do, I love it. It's just making me wish I had more. I only have what's on my phone."

"Just get a camera. She's not going to be this little forever."

"I will, I just have a lot going on right now."

"With work I assume?"

"Yes."

"When can you come home? To visit anyways."

"Sometime in April, I have a 3 day weekend", she says regretfully.

"Okay I'd get dad on here but he's not feeling very well. Send Stella kisses from us."

"Alright, I'll talk to you guys later Maggie."

"Bye!"

The screen clears and Carrie is deep in thought. Not about her family, but about Javadi. She is dying to know what he is up to.

* * *

Friday January 10, 2014 7:00pm

The meeting day with Javadi has finally arrived. His work in Iran to date has been efficient, but Carrie needs to hear from him that things are going the way they should be.

After waiting outside a yoga class in a local hotel, she gets the signal that he's ready.

"Why hello Carrie, so we meet again. Its always a pleasure to see you", he says with a smirk.

"We do, except this time I did not miss the yoga class."

"And why would you think I couldn't tell." He is still being flirtatious.

"Javadi, you know we don't have much time", she gets straight to the point.

"So, what do you want?"

"Are your intentions real or are you just fucking with us?"

"Be a little more specific."

"You're not just allowing them to inspect the sites you want them to, are you? There are no other sites?"

She looks serious now.

"Now why would I do that? If anyone is planning on anything I know nothing about it Carrie."

"All legitimate then?"

"Yes as far as I know."

"So is everyone treating you normally? Nothing is strange?"

"They love me Carrie, that's why I still hold my position, securely."

"So are there ongoing talks of peace?"

"I'd go with neutral, don't get too hopeful, yet."

"What do you mean by yet?"

She says sensing he needs something.

"I want more."

"This was not part of any plan."

"You willing to help?"

"Depends. How will this benefit me?"

"If I'm Supreme Leader, there's no way it could not benefit you."

"Supreme Leader? And how on earth am I going to help you with that?"

"Same as last time, I need soldiers."

She's pissed that he brought this up since it has only been nine months since Brody and his team had perished.

"Not going to happen!"

"You're not interested? Not even a little?"

She frowns still not changing her opinion.

"There has to be another way. Not too long ago we lost every one of our Marines that helped you. They were sons, husbands, and fathers. Not some god damn game pieces!"

"I'm only asking you to keep this in mind. It's not something that has to happen right away but it has to happen."

"This meeting is over. Don't forget I'm thereason you are where you are to begin with."

She begins to walk away.

"And don't you forget, to keep going to yoga."

She shakes her head and continues moving.

She isn't worried about not helping , they still have him. They still have his secret betrayal in play. Fortunately for her he has absolutely nothing on them. They've played this one clean since the day after the bombing. He also unaware about her daughter, and he could never find out. Javadi was crafty at using family as a bargaining chip.

* * *

Sunday January 12, 2014 3:00 am

"Lockhart we on a safe line?"

"Peter Quinn, I heard you were trying to contact me. So what's the urgent matter here? It's the middle of the night there."

"It's about someone. Someone in my department", he says quietly, yet legible. Almost stumbling on his words. "

"I think he's working for Iran. No I know he is."

"And how are you so quickly drawing to these conclusions?"

"Let's just say he had a bit much to drink."

"What the hell, I'm not paying you to go over there and get drunk. This better be good", Lockhart says with intent to get Quinn the get his thoughts straight.

"He mentioned once being in the Revolutionary Guard for one."

"Okay go on Peter."

"He also talked about Iran becoming a better place when the right people were in charge and that one day he'd be a judge there."

"Go on", he says now very interested.

"Then he mentioned a 'goal' that he's helping with. He said he needs to raise money for a special project."

"Are you suggesting that he is working for Javadi?"

"I think he is sir."

"I'll inform Carrie. Over the next few days we will discuss the appropriate steps to take. Good work Peter."

"Thank you sir."

"And keep this guy close, show no signs of suspicion."

.

  


 

 


	10. Last resort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter really gets the ball rolling.

Sunday January 12, 2014 2:00pm

It had been two days since her meeting with Javadi, but Carrie still can't just forget about what happened. Now it's even worse since Lockhart has called her to say he believes one of Javadi's men was working in her very building. Was she fucking this whole thing up?

_Why was Javadi so fucking sure I'd do this? Who the fuck does he think he is? I own him, it's not the other way around. The power must be getting to him._

* * *

 

Carrie meets Fara at the front gate of her neighborhood, as they do every Sunday and head to the local park. They have always been friendly with each other, but ever since Fara had driven her to the hospital, they have actually become friends. Real friends. It was a healthy relationship for the both of them given their hectic work lives. Fara has seen how Carrie has changed since that day. She's no longer blunt in their conversations and is actually making an effort to listen to what people were saying.

"Damn it Fara am I fucking this up?"

She says as they arrive at the park.

"No way you're doing great, I can't even be in the same room with the man let alone talk to him. Just give it some time, maybe this idea will get out of his head," she says as she's now the one giving the vote of confidence. "I think he's just trying to see how strong or not you still are, don't back down."

"I'm not fucking going to," she states boldly. "His ass is mine!"

"You know you're going to have to watch what you say around her sooner or later Carrie," she points to the giggling child in the stroller.

"I know, I know. I have no filter, never had a reason... Can you believe I was afraid of her once? Before she was even born."

She suddenly reveals, as only Quinn, Maggie and Frank are the few people who have ever possessed this knowledge. Fara looks confused.

"You were!? I mean, you never really talked about her before she was here, but I just figured you weren't afraid of anything," she assumes solely based on Carrie's nature.

"Terrified!"

"Clearly not the case any longer. So what are you saying Carrie? I should get over my fear of Javadi?"

"Yes, come with me next time. He'll know we're not fuc... messing around."

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense," she says with mild apprehension.

"Trust me."

* * *

Monday January 13th, 2014 8:00am

After Lockhart had informed Carrie of a new threat, she and Tony Shalid organize a meeting in a secluded conference room. Carrie hasn't seen much of him since he's on the same floor as the three newest case officers, but he respects her. He appreciates her drive and willingness as well. Quinn begins the meeting, as he's finally been given permission to communicate with the rest of his team, with limits.

"So does anyone refute what he has told us today?"

Carrie now takes charge of the briefing. Nobody disagrees.

"Good. Now how will we keep tabs on this guy you might ask? First, Quinn we need to hear his conversations outside the building. Do you think you can change that for us?" She asks holding up a bug so small, no one in the room can see it.

"Easy," he says never changing his facial expression.

"Now Alejandro, he's never met you, and I know you majored in Iranian studies and Middle Eastern languages. You'll be able to understand things that Quinn won't. Become his buddy. Fara you, you will work we me. I have a surveillance team coming in from the States, in which case some of you are already acquainted with. I would like Julian and Gina to meet them from the plane, and bring them to the safe house. Any questions?"

The team acknowledges and they make there way out of the meeting separately.

* * *

5:30 pm

Carrie exits the building for the day, with anticipation to get home to her baby. Quinn reluctantly waits and finds an opportunity to 'meet' her. He stumbles at how to initiate it and bumps into her with more force than he wants to. Her phone flies out of her hand and smashes into pieces.

"What the fuck assh-," she then realizes it is Quinn.

"Listen ma'am I'm really sorry," he says trying his best to stay in character. Inadvertently, he has created a situation that will surely prolong their conversation.

"You should be! That phone contains every picture I've ever taken of my daughter!"

She's genuinely serious, making it easy not to deviate from Quinn's original ploy.

"Here let me help you with that."

He begins picking up the pieces of her shattered phone. She joins him and he is now close enough for her to whisper into his ear.

"Nice plan genius. You better be able to fix this!"

"Hand me that piece, right there. Yup, that one," he says before they ascend to their feet.

She puts the remaining pieces into her bag.

"I have to go Quinn, and so do you," she quietly says as they part ways.

_Fuck Quinn! Of all the fucking things that you could have knocked out of my hand, the fucking phone. God damn it, Maggie's always right. Maybe she should work here._

* * *

Friday January 17, 2014 9:00 pm

After a week of devising their plan, Carrie is now going to check up on her surveillance crew. She waits until dark, so that no one will see that Stella is with her.

"Hello," she announces walking through the door.

"We're in here," the two men shout from an adjoining room.

"Sorry I couldn't meet you guys at the airport, I had to send someone else this time," she says making her way into the kitchen.

"Whoa, I didn't realize you were knocked up again," Virgil alludes after seeing her bulging overcoat.

"Ha ha very funny. Now that would be impossible," she quips while taking it off, uncovering a sleeping Stella in a Bjorn.

"Sorry my sitter left for the night."

"It's fine, so you want to see what we got so far?"

"Yeah. Show me. What do we have?"

"Not much, the guy is clean so far. No strange meetings, goes straight to and back from the facility. Can't find shit from the bug in his phone. To tell you the truth, we've got nothing," he finally surrenders.

"Keep looking it's still too soon to stop."

"We know you Carrie, we weren't planning on it," Max adds.

"Very funny Max. But really, I think we're on the something here."

"What should we be doing differently?" Virgil asks.

"Are you changing it up or are you guys following him at the same times each day."

"Pretty much the same times, but only because his routine doesn't change."

"Try an overnight, or something new. Do you think he made you?"

"Us? Yeah right. We should have results by next week though."

"I trust you. Sorry I have to leave so soon, but I've got to get her home."

"Hey before you leave I almost forgot!"

"What's that Virgil?"

"Quinn gave this to us, he said don't open it until you get home", he says handing her a small brown doggie bag.

"Okay then I won't."

After she arrives home, she opens up the bag and finds a small computer chip.

* * *

_Holy shit! I wonder what he found!_

She quickly sticks it into her computer to reveal its contents. No documents, audio or video pop up. It simply pulls up a prompt that reads view gallery. She clicks and the thumbnail files from her damaged phone appear.

_Damn it Quinn! What can't you fix?_

* * *

Sunday January 19, 2014 3:00pm

Fara and Carrie meet up again, to go for their weekly walk. Except this week Carrie insists that they don't speak about work, until of course her phone rings.

"Virgil, what's up?"

"Carrie I think I know what our boy Zarir is up to?"

"Okay tell me!"

"He's spying on someone!"

"Who?"

"Well do you happen to be at the park, walking with Fara and Stella?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"It's you Carrie. He's spying on you!"

"God damn it! Virgil pick his ass up if you can! I've got to go!"

She abruptly hangs up.

"Fara follow my lead, okay?"

She nods.

Carrie then digs into her bag acting like she's trying to locate something, shrugs, and points in the opposite direction creating an unsuspicious reason to leave. She does not even turn around once they're facing the other direction.

* * *

5:00 pm

She gets to her house, and immediately retrieves the burner phone that Javadi handed to her in their latest meeting. As she begins to call him, she simultaneously props a bottle into Stella's mouth to keep her from making any noise.

_Come on answer you stupid fuck!_

He finally answers.

"Miss Mathison so soon! Whatever can I do for you this evening?"

"Listen asshole, we found your gopher. Whatever it is you're doing, it's not going to work!"

"Oh yeah, and how can you be so sure?"

"You've got nothing!"

"You made it easy for me Carrie, you're weak."

"See that's where your wrong! I won't back down."

"Okay, I'll back down, I just need you to do one thing for me."

"Oh yeah, what's that?"

"Tell baby Brody that Uncle Javadi says hi."

Carrie immediately drops to her knees speechless while releasing both the phone and the bottle at the same time. Stella begins screaming as Javadi tunes in on the other line savoring the result of his plan.

* * *

8:00 pm

Over the past few hours Carrie has taken extreme measures in attempt to calm down. She takes double her dose of lithium, drinks multiple glasses of wine, and chain smokes on the front porch while Stella sleeps. After thinking about it over and over contemplating what she should do, she decides to turn to her last resort. She heads to the kitchen and pulls out yet another burner phone.

"Hello?"

"Saul," she pauses, "I need you. I need your help."

He can easily identify the desperation in her voice.

"I'm on my way Carrie."

 


	11. Hello

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picks up right where the last chapter ended. Saul is back!

Sunday January 19, 2014 9:00 pm

"What the fuck is this why am I here?"

Zarir begins to question two unfamiliar men.

"You were messing with our girl, and Papa Saul is not too happy," Virgil says like he's an over protective brother.

"So what now?" He asks already knowing he's guilty. "You going to kill me?"

With no intention to do so Virgil leaves his question unanswered.

"Saul will be here soon, for now you wait."

"It will be suspicious, I need to report to work tomorrow."

"Like I said you have to wait for Saul," Virgil replies, not backing down from Carrie's instructions.

"You hungry? It might be your last meal," Max asks.

"What do you have?"

* * *

Quinn follows Carrie's orders and is planning on taking the day off tomorrow in order to watch over her house. When she leaves for work, she plans on letting him through the gate, as is much less unnoticed if he does not report. She also instructs Aylin to not leave the house, because she has family coming in, who will be arriving around 5 pm.

* * *

Monday January 20, 2014 4:45 pm

_Knock knock._

"Hello, I'm Saul, Carrie's... uncle."

"Yes, she told me she was expecting you."

"She here?"

"Not just yet, come on in."

Aylin leads him in for an informal tour.

"The sitting room is there."

It all looks strange to him, as compared to her home in D.C. It looks, well, lived in. He looks around a bit, noticing only a few things she has brought with her, including one he sometimes almost forgets about. He sees the quiet 4 1/2 month old playing in her pack n' play. She looks different than she did many months ago, very much looking like her mother now. She then discovers his presence, and shifts her attention away from her toy, and smiles at him. Saul smiles back, but not without recognizing her most distinguishing feature, her piercing blue eyes. He is unsure how to interact with her so he sits and waits.

* * *

5:00 pm

Carrie texts Quinn as soon as she arrives home.

_Quinn come on in._

"Hello," she announces when she walks in.

"Carrie you're here early," Aylin says. "Would you like me to stay a bit longer and clean up?"

"No it's fine, you should take off, I've got it."

"Okay I'll see you tomorrow."

As she opens the door, Quinn appears as he was preparing to knock.

"Oh, he's fine Aylin, that's my cousin."

Quinn nods with a fake smile, as she leaves.

"Come in Quinn, hurry."

He steps in while she shuts the door.

"Okay we have got to call Saul and see when he can get over here, I'll let you know everything then."

"Carrie?"

They hear a voice from the living room.

"Saul, I didn't realize you were already here," she says making her way towards him.

She and Quinn enter the room and find Saul with Stella, as she is bouncing on his lap.

"Hello Saul," Carrie says smiling. "I see you made a new friend."

"Yeah, I did. She seems to have that effect on people. Kind of like someone I know," he smiles back looking at Carrie. "So Carrie, tell me. What has happened?"

She then begins to explain to them Javadi's plans, disregarding the fact that Saul has absolutely no security clearance. Quinn also adds every detail he can about Javadi's menace Zarir. Just as Carrie expected, Saul wants to deal with the sidekick first. She has already devised some what of a plan.

"Okay, like I said Max and Virgil are keeping him at the safe house. Quinn, Saul and I are going over there to bust his chops. He's an amateur at best, at least I hope", she says trying to obtain some agreeance.

"With what you're telling me Carrie, Javadi is in way over his head. He's moving too quickly. He cannot have done this without any sort of flaws", Saul says.

She nods looking slightly alleviated of her fears.

"I'm sure that seeing me will make him reconsider his plans", Saul adds.

"What about me, where am I in all of this?"

Quinn asks.

"You're gonna stay here?"

She asks with a squint in her eyes, and teethy grin.

"But Carrie? I... uh. What?"

"Quinn you'll be fine. I wrote down a few detailed instructions while I was at work today", she says handing him over the legal pad.

"But Carrie-"

"Quinn look, you are the only one who I'd want to be here right now. I trust you to protect her. Besides, you cannot blow your cover. As of right now, Zarir is not aware of who you are, and Javadi doesn't know you're here. We need to keep it that way."

He sighs.

"You're right."

He leaves it at that.

"Saul you ready to go?"

"Let's go."

* * *

6:30pm

On the way to the safe house, there is still a tension between them. It's been there for some time. Saul knows if not now, when will they ever get it out of the way?

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Saul asks, and she knows exactly what he's talking about.

"I've thought about it," she now looks up from the road, "A lot, and I think I do."

She expects a brief moment of silence, but he immediately begins.

"Carrie, everything that happened, it... I didn't want it to be that way. You and I both know that Brody and I were not best pals, but you have got to believe me when when I say I never wanted anything bad to happen to him. I tried so hard, because I knew what it would have done to you."

"I know. I don't blame you Saul. I think you gave him, we gave him, his best shot for redemption."

He's now at a loss for what she has just said, and allows her to continue.

"As much as I've tried to convince myself otherwise, I've realized he never really had a chance did he?"

She turns back to him, desperate for a terminal answer either way it's given.

"I'm sorry. I wish I could answer that... But it was definitely worth trying."

Although not the answer she was looking for, she seems slightly satisfied with his honesty.

"Carrie, if you want to know if I think he redeemed himself, I believe he did. Otherwise, I would have never even considered letting him come back with you. I'm just not sure if I can ever understand it, the two of you."

She had been waiting for this a long time, and was finally ready to tell him.

"I'm not going to lie Saul there are a lot things that I do regret. But I will not regret being with him. He made me feel things I didn't even know I had in me. He accepted me, for everything I am, and I did the same. I told him things about me, things that I haven't even told you. When he died, my entire world was shattered."

She takes a breath.

"I wasn't okay Saul. I wasn't. He was the only thing in my life that I loved as much as my job, and he was gone. I only did all of those things for you before because I needed him to be cleared, and here with me. Because I was pregnant, with a baby I didn't even know if I wanted, but she was his, so I kept her. I couldn't tell you about it. I couldn't tell anyone. You, nobody would understand. You would've just gotten in the way of what I was doing, and said things I didn't want to hear. I thought that I could keep everything under control, but I didn't. And then after Tehran you just kept calling and calling, but I didn't want to talk. Because it meant you cared, it meant you really truly cared. I didn't want a friend to tell me everything was okay, and to move on. If he was gone I wanted to be alone, totally alone. If that meant coming back and becoming completely consumed in my work to try to forget about everything, I would, and I did. Even if you were gone. You couldn't help me Saul, no one on this earth could. No one until I met Stella. I have never loved anything or anyone as much as her, not my job, not even him. She is here because of him, and I will never regret that and I can't imagine my life without her. Can you understand that?"

He was prepared for a speech given his last statement, but he never expected this.

"I don't know what to say Carrie. I really don't. But that's why I love you. You take what's given to you, and even if it seems damn near impossible, you deal with it. You're stronger than me, you always have been. We didn't trust each at some point, and look where that got us. And I never want that to happen again. That's why I'm here for you, and your daughter, and I always will be."

Carrie pulls over as she can no longer contain herself. She cries in his arms, and he holds close for a few minutes.

She knows that he meant every word, and that was exactly what she needed.

* * *

7:15 pm

"They're here," Virgil announces to their suspect.

"Finally."

Carrie thought she'd have much more confidence when she got here, but instead it has depleted. Saul notices and takes action.

"Carrie I'm going in first."

"Thanks Saul, I'll be watching."

He steps in the room with only a folder and places the photos down one by one without looking at Zarir. The photos from Zarir's camera reveal Carrie outside at work, photos of her at her at the park with Fara and Stella, and many other times when she left the gated community. After he places down the last one he looks at Zarir.

"Why do you have these? Are you just a curious stalker?"

"No."

"Do you want something from her?"

"No!"

"Do you work for Majid Javadi?"

He's now blindsided with this question.

"Na-No!"

Saul slams the table.

"You're lying!"

Zarir now becomes extremely defensive.

"I'm not! And who are you anyways, how does this even concern you!? I've never even seen you before!"

Saul raises an eyebrow.

"You're about to know me very soon if you don't stop lying to me! Now what do want with Carrie!?"

Zarir remains silent until Saul grabs him by the neck and demands an answer.

"Nothing! I want nothing from her!" He finally says.

"You are a joke you know that!?"

Saul points his finger.

"I was doing my job," Zarir adds.

"Your job? Your job was to just take pictures of her? Nothing else? Why?"

"He didn't tell me!"

Saul pulls out a knife, and flashes it around.

"You're lying again."

"I'm not! No!"

"You are, and now you're going to pay!"

"Please no! Don't kill me I swear! All he said was that he wanted pictures. Physical proof of where she was, and what she was doing! Please!"

After his plea for his life Carrie walks in the room and grabs Saul. Zarir is now absolutely petrified.

"Saul I got it from here, okay?"

She walks back in now with much more confidence than she had when she arrived, sporting a now smug look on her face.

"Pleasure to meet you, Zarir. You know so much about me. You're a lot to learn a lot more."

He sits there breathing heavily.

"But first I need to know more about you. And if I even think you're lying, I will leave and I'll bring Saul back in here. So I think we're just going to stick with the truth here aren't we?"

He nods.

"Good. First question, you arrived at the embassy long before I got there. Why?"

"He said he knew you'd come... eventually."

"When did he first approach you?"

"Last June."

"When did you start following me?"

"About the middle of November, when I confirmed you were here."

"Why Zarir? Why did he have you follow me?"

"I swear to you he didn't say! He only said if I get caught I'm on my own."

"Why did you do it then?"

"He made a promise that if I was successful, then he'd get me a good job. He said maybe even one day that he'd make me judge, if he could. It's all I ever wanted, so I accepted."

"Do you know exactly who I am?"

"You're a political officer at the embassy."

_Holy shit, I think he's telling the truth! And he doesn't know I'm Station chief._

"Well congratulations, you now have a job!"

"What? Where?"

"You now work for me. And trust me, I'll know if you don't stick with it. Your first assignment is to stop fucking following me. And report to work everyday. If you leave, we will find you. Understood?"

"You're not really a political officer are you?"

"No, I'm not."

 


	12. Know your role

Monday January 20, 2014 10:00 pm

They all have let Zarir return to his home, because frankly, he seemed more scared of them then they were of him. He could eventually be a valuable member of the team. His lack of knowledge about her was an advantage for Carrie, and she will find a way to make him useful. For now it was all about Javadi.

Carrie drops Saul off at his hotel before she heads home.

"Thank you Saul, for everything. But I forgot to ask, how are YOU doing? How's Mira?"

"Mira is great! In fact, she's flying in tonight. She asks about you Carrie. You're about the only thing she misses about that place."

"That's awesome. We should all have dinner, tomorrow?"

"Yeah, we'd like that."

"Okay, you can pick. And I'll let you know tomorrow, about when we can meet with Javadi."

On her way home she is confused about Javadi's motives, and what exactly he was doing. If he had this whole elaborate plan, then why would he have this inexperienced flake doing his dirty work? She hurries home, as Quinn was not answering, but then again he sure has his hands full.

* * *

10:30 pm

"Quinn? Quinn!? Where are you?"

There is no response.

The house is trashed compared to the way it looked when she left. There are toys and a few pairs of outfits just scattered on the floor. She continues calling his name, until she locates him in the living room. He is snoring on the sofa, with Stella nestled against his chest. The living room is even more of a mess, but it doesn't stop her from locating her latest purchase. She takes out her brand new camera, and snaps a picture of the two. The flash awakes him.

"Car-Carrie", he says in a daze.

"Wake up sleepy head."

She takes the baby to her room, trying not to wake her.

Quinn slowly wakes up.

"How long was I out?"

He questions.

"I just got here, you tell me", she says almost laughing.

"How did it go Carrie, is everything okay?"

"Don't worry about that for now. Thanks so much Quinn, you were a trooper."

"She doesn't sleep Carrie I tell ya, I tried everything."

"Well, thanks to you, I'll be getting some sleep tonight. Which I'll need for tomorrow. There's a lot to be done."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm going to talk to Tony, about getting a new space. I mean he said It'd be awhile, but we all need to be together if we are going to get anything accomplished."

"Okay, do you need me to stay tonight? I can watch over the house."

"Quinn are you asking to sleep over?"

"No... Maybe... Carrie I'm exhausted."

"I'll grab you a blanket."

* * *

Tuesday January 21, 2014 11:30 am

"Carrie, what's going on? What's the urgency of this meeting?"

Tony asks.

"I know what you said about how new this team is, and that it would take time to establish a designated space, but sir is there any way to put this in motion?"

"Look, I did my best putting as many people together as I could, but there are a lot of loop holes in this."

"Anything that could speed up the process?"

"Well there is space on the fourth floor, but the project has been abandoned over a year ago due to lack of funds. It's in no way ready to be used"

"How much we talking?"

"Three hundred thousand, give or take. It's mostly electrical and cosmetic, but our biggest cost will be in security. Experts are needed, who possess the knowledge to properly install equipment for intelligence."

"I know some people. Do you think if I cut that cost in half, Lockhart would take a bite at it?"

"Well I guess it's worth a shot. By the way Carrie, Lockhart contacted me about the status of Majid Javadi. He saod he was unable to get a hold of you. He also said needs a full quarterly report by the first, can you make that happen?"

Her eyes widen.

"Of course."

* * *

4:30pm

Fara enters Carrie's office after finally contacting Javadi.

"So anything?"

"He's not in Iran right now Carrie, but he said he'll have a 'lay over' in Istanbul on Friday."

"You told him the place right?"

"Well you gave me a bunch of numbers, so I think so."

"Good. What are you doing tonight? I'm having dinner with Saul."

"Saul? He's here? Why?"

"Come over before dinner, and I'll tell you all about it."

"Does this have anything to do with how strange you were acting on Sunday?"

"Yes. He's here to help, with Javadi. Lockhart has no idea though."

"So it's personal?"

"Yes."

* * *

Thursday January 23, 2014

Zarir has been submissive to Carrie's demands and does exactly what she says. Virgil and Max continue to follow him, at least until she meets with Javadi, and he has certainly not broken any orders. They laugh as he is constantly looking over his shoulder, like he is just waiting for someone to jump him again. They've also witnessed him not dump one, but two phones in the trash. It won't be long until they find out what his mentor is up to.

* * *

8:00pm

Quinn, Carrie, Saul, and Fara gather at a local restaurant to discuss their plans when they meet Javadi.

"Carrie, why is it so important that I come? I'm sure you and Saul can handle this just fine," Fara says.

"Look Fara, we probably could, you're right. But, he needs to know that we're not afraid of him, and that includes you," Carrie responds.

"I was his case officer Fara, you saw it. You saw how he crumbled when all of us were there. He may just need that again to put him in his place, as YOUR employee," Saul emphasizes.

"I'm assuming I'm out of view again?"

Quinn asks rather disappointed.

"Quinn don't take it that way, please. You been more a help to me than you think. If things get out of hand step in, which lets hope they won't," Carrie says.

"Okay, I'm ready!"

Quinn says.

* * *

 

Friday January 24th, 2014 9:00 pm

Quinn is located in the adjoining hotel room, fully armed, waiting for Javadi's impending arrival. He understands his role, but is highly concerned for everyone's safety, particularly Carrie's. He bits his lip, and waits patiently at the door, ready for anything.

"Fara you said his flight landed at eight right?"

Carrie asks Fara, as she is now becoming impatient.

"Yes, maybe he got held up?"

"He'll be here, he knows his role," Saul says.

About ten minutes later the door knocks, and Carrie answers. Her heart is racing, but she knows she is with favorable company. Javadi is at the other end, and instructs his personnel to remain outside after noticing Saul standing fifteen feet behind her. As he walks in he also sees Fara sitting at the table, sending him into a spur of confusion.

"So, I see you brought some friends?"

He finally says.

"Yeah, she did", Saul responds.

"Please, have a seat."

 

 


	13. One big fucking misunderstanding

Friday January 24, 2014 9:10 pm

Javadi inspects the room for other possible case officers, and takes a seat across from Fara. She stares him down as he is sitting, as if he is an alien, but settles when he is no longer standing. He has a good idea of why he is here, but sets a particular tone to feel everyone out.

"So, are you my new case officer?"

He asks Fara bitterly.

"No," she states quietly.

He glances quickly at Saul and Carrie who are hovering nearby.

"Then why am I speaking with you, and not Carrie?"

"I have a few questions."

Javadi takes advantage of the glass of water in front of him in order to stagger their conversation.

"Who is Zarir?"

"Who?"

He tries to play stupid, but Fara is not having it.

"Zah-rea-er. Who is he?"

"My nephew. Where is he?"

She evades this question and continues.

"And why exactly was he following me?"

"You just happened to be there."

Carrie and Saul are still silent, allowing Fara to steer the conversation.

"What are you trying to do?"

"Take control," he answers sharply.

Fara is now visibly upset, narrowing her eyes into his cold gaze.

"Saul where is this going? Why are you here? Shouldn't you be at Langley?"

He says still concerned with Saul's presence.

"I no longer work for the CIA," Saul informs him.

Javadi is now even more punchy with his next question.

"Then why are you here? You're not my case officer anymore Saul."

Saul now takes a seat next to Fara.

"You were messing with my girls," he says firmly.

Carrie is fidgety as she watches over, dreading about what might happen. Javadi is silent to this response.

"You want to tell me what kind of sick shit you're trying to pull? Just because we don't work together doesn't mean I won't be around. In fact, why are you here? Should you be 'raising money' for your campaign?" Saul adds.

"There is no money. Wait why would you know about-"

"Does it matter?" Saul cuts him off.

"There is no campaign."

This now catches Carrie off guard.

"What the hell are you talking about? You distinctly told Carrie about your plans, with her help, to become Supreme leader. Even you know that's a pipe dream, why would you even mention it? And better yet threaten her?" Saul says in anger.

"Can I just talk to Carrie?" Javadi asks.

"No."

"Saul it's okay," Carrie says, finally speaking up.

"Can we speak in private?" Javadi suggests.

On the other side of the door, Quinn is now more alert than ever, knowing that Carrie will allow herself to be alone with Javadi. His senses are so sharp, he could hear a pin drop if he wanted to. Saul agrees to this knowing that Quinn is there, and he and Fara exit the room.

"I'm only going to talk to you if you answer my questions, truthfully and honestly," Carrie says.

"I just can't figure you out Carrie. I don't think I ever will."

"Figure me out? What do you mean? What are you trying to do?"

"Get rid of you! I can not understand why you are still here. Anyone else would have been gone."

"Well I'm not everyone else."

"I can see that. I thought that when you left last April, you'd leave the agency, but you didn't. You even became my Case officer."

"What's your point?"

"Then you came back here! I was giving you what you wanted, but you still had to come back. I just can't shake you."

"What did you think? That I was going to hand you off to another officer?"

"THAT was the plan."

"That's why you were following me?"

"Yes, I wanted to know how you were doing here. To see if you hated it here. To see of you had any plans for me. To see why you were here," he explains.

"Because, it's my job! Speaking of which, why are you so interested in seeing photos of my child!?" Carrie demands an answer.

"Now that one was a puzzler. I had not a clue about her until you got here. I must have looked at those pictures a thousand times over, trying to make myself to believe what I was seeing. Not only were you here, but you brought a baby? There is no stopping you, is there? I thought just maybe, actually I thought for sure, that if you knew that I knew about her, that you would finally leave. So I took a shot at it, but you're still here."

"Why do you need me to leave so badly!?"

"You scare me Carrie. It's like I'm just waiting for you to do something," he reveals.

"I? me? I scare you? How?" She laughs.

"After you stayed with the agency, you hardly contacted me. Then when you got here, again you didn't speak with me. I myself would never go more than a week without contacting my assets. Unless of course, they did me wrong. Which, of course, technically I did to you."

"If you're asking if I ever wanted revenge, yeah, I thought about it. But I'm not interested in taking anymore lives. I'm interested in saving them."

"What was I suppose to think Carrie? So I decided if you weren't paying attention, that I'd do things on my own."

"And how did that fucking work out for you?" He begins to explain his lies.

"I thought that if I could raise enough money, the IRG would forget about your blackmail. But every time I thought about investing, I knew your little protege Fara would find out."

"You're not wrong about that!"

"My nephew was the only one who knew, where is he?"

He is now worried.

"Since when did you care about your family? He now works for me," she barks.

"You're good Miss Mathison, bravo. Of all the people I've worked with over the years, you surprise me the most, and I guess I just wasn't ready for you," he says sincerely.

"So this was just one big fucking misunderstanding? Unbelievable. Just keep doing your job and we won't have a problem."

"So, I guess you're here to stay, no?"

"For now, yes. The longer you fuck up, the longer I stay. So don't fuck up. Make sense?"

"I'll leave you alone Carrie, but sometimes I'll have to make extreme decisions to keep my cover, you understand that right?"

"Yeah, they better not be too extreme," he nods in agreeance.

"But rest assured that if you or anyone you know ever comes near my daughter again, I will have you killed."

Her words echo so deep, there is not a sliver of doubt he can pick up in her voice.

Quinn takes her threat as an invitation to make his presence known. He bursts through the door from behind Javadi, and takes Carrie by the hand to walk her out. The exit the room, and proceed to find Saul and Fara.

* * *

10:00 pm

"Hey," Saul shouts waiving them down in the dinning hall. "How did it go?"

"God, I need a drink!" Carrie spits out. "You guys coming?"

Saul and Quinn visibly agree, but Fara turns the offer down.

"Carrie, I do not consume alcohol."

"Then come have a water Fara, stay."

"Well, I guess that I could do that, yeah."

The four sit around the hotel bar and reminisce about what had happened. Carrie shows her gratitude by thanking everyone for their support, and the three are impressed by how Javadi caved into her. They also discuss their lives in general, and Carrie mentions to Saul about a project she might need help with. She doesn't get into any detail, but plans on discussing it with him the following day.

After three drinks in, Saul suggests that they should get a cab and continue their drinking at his hotel. Carrie agrees as Mira was watching Stella all night, and she could just get a room there. Fara has had a good time with them, but decides to take off for the night.

* * *

 

Saturday January 25, 2014 12:30 am

"Alright you guys, I'm heading up to my room for the night," Saul announces.

"Oh, come on Saul! Stay!" Quinn and Carrie babble, slightly slurring their words, trying to get him to stay.

"I'm an old man! I just can do it like I used to. You'll understand one day."

"Noooooo wayyyy," Carrie says in a drunken laugh.

"Ah, good night you two," he says making his way towards the elevator.

"We'll have another round here!" Quinn quickly summons the bartender.

Carrie has very much enjoyed herself with her co-workers this evening. It brings her back to many years ago when she would kick back with people from Langley.

* * *

1:45 am

"Last call!"

They hear the bartender say.

"Ugh, no. Well, I've had a good time. What about you Quinn?"

"I'm just glad you're safe," she smiles.

"I didn't want you to come, to Istanbul, but... I'm glad you're here."

"Yeah, me too," his tone is now different, almost like he was trying to be romantic.

 _Shit, what is he doing! What am_ I _doing?_

His smile lingers.

"Uh, I think I should get to my room. I need to bring Stella home in the morning," she says abruptly.

"Oh, yeah, right. I'll walk you to the elevator."

"Yeah, sure."

They stop at the elevator doors to say goodnight.

"Well thank you Quinn, for everything. Goodnight," she says starring into his glossy eyes.

"Yeah."

Without a second thought, he leans into her, as she is slowly backing up into the wall. She is only about six inches away from it, so when she reaches it there is no where else to go. He meets her lips for a few seconds until she pushes him away.

"Quinn! What the fuck!" She protests.

As soon as she had pushed him away, she finds herself now throwing herself at him. He grabs her by the waist and now lightly pins her, fully supporting her weight between him and the wall.

He loves the taste of her lips, and hadn't imagined anything more wonderful. He dives his tongue deep into her throat, sloppy, but passionate relishing every second of it. Carrie is caught up in the moment with the attention he is giving her until he moves his mouth to her neck, giving her a chance to speak.

"Quinn, stop."

He continues.

"Quinn! Quinn, stop I can't!" She shouts, now wiggling in attempt to create a distance.

He gently lets her go, as he knows continuing will only piss her off at this point.

"What's wrong Carrie? You're not having a good time?"

He smiles, hoping for an excuse related to their location.

"Quinn, look... You're a good guy, you really are but I can't."

His smile now fades.

"This was a big misunderstanding. I'm just not ready for any of this."

The elevator doors now open.

"I have to go."

She enters and the doors shuts.

"Fuck!"

 


	14. You're a real spy now

Saturday January 25, 2014 11:00 am

Carrie begins to wake in her hotel room as she hears a god awful noise, making her headache worse. She hadn't drank that much in over a year, the day after Brody left. The pounding continues, and after a few minutes, she finally realizes there is someone at the door.

"Carrie? You in there?" The voice says.

_Shit!_

She feels like hell, but knows she has to answer.

"Hi Mira."

"Carrie, are you okay?" Mira says as Carrie is still in her clothes from yesterday, her hair is tangled, and her face is as white as a ghost.

"Yeah... I just-" she says fluttering her eyes, attempting to adjust them the bright light coming through the window.

"Well at least you're not looking as rough as Saul. He hasn't moved! So I'm not leaving until tonight to go see my family. Do you want me to take her today?"

"No it's fine. I uh-" she says still squinting.

"Carrie go take a shower and grab a coffee or something. I'll be back in an hour."

"Thanks Mira."

* * *

 5:00 pm

"This place is nice", Carrie says.

"Let's just hope they have some strong coffee."

"You still haven't recovered Saul?" She laughs.

"No, I'm not Irish."

As soon as their coffee arrives, someone else sits down and takes a seat with them.

"Quinn! What the fuck are you doing here?"

"And hello to you too. I called Saul earlier to see what he was doing, he asked me along."

She was very drunk, but did not forget about what had happened the night before.

"Oh, you know we have business to discuss, right?"

"Geesh Carrie, if I can know surely he can," Saul says.

"Fine. Now where were we."

She gets back to business.

Quinn locates the carseat and attempts to lift the blanket off.

"Hey there Stella. Whatcha doing in there," he says playfully.

"Quinn! Stop it! She's sleeping!" Carrie growls at him. "If you're not going to help, then you can leave!"

"I thought that's what I have been doing. Helping that is," he states pensively.

She stares back at him, knowing he's right, so continues.

"Anyways, so Saul, how involved were you when they set up the new security systems at Langley?"

"Well, I didn't actually assemble anything, but I 'tested' everything. Made sure the phones couldn't be tapped, played music on various volumes to test the bugs, attempted to break through the locks to see if they were secure. That kind of stuff. What is this about Carrie? What are you working on? Your home?"

"Not a bad idea, but no, I'm trying to launch a project at the embassy that will bring the team together. It will make everything so much easier."

"You mean your team hasn't been isolated? Why?"

"That's the price of picking your own people, we came in all around the same time, it would have been 'suspicious' as Lockhart called it."

She tries to stay focused on the conversation, but can't help but notice that Quinn is looking at her the whole time even when Saul is talking.

"I see, and what do you need me for?" Saul says.

"There is a space that can be ours, but it is not finished. It needs some work and I was hoping that you knew some people who would help. I mean, I have Virgil and Max, but it's a big job even for them."

"Well you're in luck. There is a whole department in New York that specializes in that. I'll see who I can bring in. What's the budget on this?"

She knew he was going to ask this, but she had to make sure he was interested first.

"See that's the thing, I didn't want to tell him until I knew that you were on board."

"Do you really think that he's going to approve a project that I'm working on?"

"I won't tell him it's you, I'll just use the contract codes as means of who is doing it. That's all he'll want anyways."

"Okay, I'm in," Saul agrees.

Quinn begins to chime in as well.

"A new office, I'm in too!" Quinn says happily.

"You'll have to ask Dar and Lockhart. They have just as much say with you as I do."

He comes back a little bit annoyed by her attitude this time.

"Oh I will."

Saul knows something is going on and finally interjects.

"What's going on with you two?"

"Nothing!" They both say at the same time, pleading their innocence. Saul's face does not agree with their claim, and Carrie knows it. There is an awkward silence for a moment.

"He kissed me last night Saul!" She blurts out. Peter is mortified that she told him, but he was not allowing her to get off that easy.

"You forgot to add the part where you kissed me back!" Quinn reveals.

"I was drunk Quinn, you know that!"

"And I somehow magically wasn't!?"

"Okay! Enough you two! So you got a little too drunk, who hasn't. That's not going to change the fact that you have to work together, right?" Saul says, trying to end this.

"No," Carrie says before Quinn can even say anything.

"Good. I have to go bring Mira to the airport. Please, let me know Lockhart's decision."

Quinn is still sitting there waiting for Saul to leave.

"So do you want to talk about it?" Quinn asks carefully.

"What's there to talk about? We got drunk and made out. It's not like it meant anything... But Quinn this doesn't mean we still can't be friends. I don't want that to change."

As hard as it is for him to hear this from her, he keeps his composure and agrees. He knew she most likely didn't have anymore room in her heart right now for anyone other than for Stella. He couldn't blame her though as she has come a long way from that first day he saw her when she came back from Tehran. It was actually scary for him when he saw her then, like she wasn't even human. It was almost as if she had acted like nothing had happened. She came back to work as soon as she was medically cleared and didn't talk to anyone about a single thing that happened there. She went about her work like it was nothing. She did not speak of the mission, not what she saw Brody go through, not how the CIA had betrayed her, the fact was Saul gone, or the fact that Lockhart was now in charge, and she definitely didn't talk about the baby. Lockhart didn't even know it until she was six months in.

He wonders if she would still be alive if Stella hadn't entered her life, and not even just physically, but mentally as well. He knows that even though she fell in love with her daughter, there is still a lot that she is keeping inside about Brody, and it wasn't fair for him to test her. And most importantly, he knows that even if she had the tiniest, slightest bit of feelings for him, that he would have to wait. But how long?

"Yeah. That's what I was going to say. Friends", he says smiling.

"Good. Okay friend, be there at 7:30 on Monday. We have some work to do."

* * *

 

Monday January 27, 2014 6:00 pm

"Saul he's going to go for it! I played it smart by starting out by telling him all about how well Javadi is co-operating, and then laid it on him," she tells him happily over the phone.

"Finally. But... what kind of numbers are we working with? The four guys I'm bring in plus this equipment is going to cost $125,000."

"Shit that eats up more than half of the budget. But I talked him up to $200,000. So hopefully we'll have a little wiggle room."

"Great when can we get started?"

"Tony said that the electric and cosmetic stuff will be a couple weeks. So we have some time."

"Excellent, see you soon."

* * *

 

Tuesday February 11, 2014 5:00 pm

Zarir is shaking, twitching and sweating. He wants to get a glass of water from the cooler in the corner, but doesn't dare move. What was going to happen to him? He hears her speaking but his mouth isn't moving to answer her, as it's frozen in place.

"Zarir? Zarir?"

Carrie is now getting frustrated at the unresponsive man sitting on the other side of her desk.

"Hello!?"

"Uh-huh", he finally manages to say.

"You with me?"

"Ya-yes," he manages to spit out.

She wants to keep asking him questions, but needs get him coherent before she can do so.

"Would you like a glass of water?"

She offers after seeing that it was the only object in the room that he has managed to connect with besides his blank stare he was sporting.

"Please, oh and thank you."

She knew that they had scared him in their previous encounter, but never imagined that it would be to this extent. He was a 20 something year old kid who only ever had a decent job because of his uncle, but he knew a lot of people in the IRG and more importantly, the people who left it. His undivided attention was needed, and she needed to ease his state of mind. She waves her hand inviting Quinn in, hoping that a familiar face would calm him down.

"Joe?"

Zarir is now confused.

"Name is Peter, Peter Quinn."

"Wait you work for... for her?" Zarir says as it makes much more sense how he landed here.

"Listen buddy, you're safe with us, safe with her. Now all you have to do is answer a few questions, and you get a paycheck. You think you can do that?"

Quinn begins to entice him now.

"So after all I did, you want to pay me?"

"Yup," Quinn says as Carrie shakes her head.

"I think I can do that."

"Good, now I want you to take a look at these," Carrie says, pulling out some photographs.

"Look, I didn't take anymore pictures, I swear!" He begins to defend himself.

"Forget about those, we confiscated whatever you had anyways. Some of them were really nice too, thanks. But these are the photographs that I want you to concentrate on now."

"Who are they?"

"All the men who left the IRG as soon as your uncle took over."

"I recognize some of these men," he says as she passes over the pictures. "What do you need to know?"

"Some of these guys were lifers, and they left so quickly. I need to find out why. My concern is that they are upset with either Iran or the U.S. and I need to find out what they are up to."

"So you need me to find out?"

"Well yes. Some of these men are in Istanbul. Do you recall who any of these three men are?"

"Just the one, we were in training together."

"Okay, that's good. Check in with them and see what they're up to."

"You mean like spy on them?"

"Yup," Quinn says.

"When do I start?"

"Now!" Carrie exclaims.

"What about my old job?"

"You're in a new department now."

* * *

 

Saturday February 22, 2014 12:00pm

"Looks good Saul!"

"Thanks. They all worked really hard on it."

"I know, I'm glad that you got to stay awhile."

"About that Carrie-"

"I know, you have to leave now. You probably have more important things to do then hang out here with me anyways."

"Hey now. Call me if you need anything Carrie. And I mean anything."

"I will. Bye Saul. I mean, I'll see you later," she corrects herself.

They embrace as they have before, but Carrie now knows that he really does care about her well being. In the past he would often use her to execute his missions with sometimes little consideration of how she would feel, but she understood why. It was sometimes the only way that tasks could be accomplished.

But now that they no longer work together, and he is not her boss, he still exhibits a tremendous amount of faith in her abilities to get the job done, even if it doesn't benefit him. He could have decided not to come out there and help her, but he did. And just knowing that makes her a little more grateful of who she has left.


	15. Whatever you need

Sunday February 23, 2014 1:00 pm

Carrie and Fara have not been on their usual walks for several weeks due to dealing with Javadi, plus the energy being put into their new working quarters. Now that they finally have the time, Stella is sick, but Carrie invites her over to her house anyways.

"So Fara, did you check out your new office yet?"

Fara doesn't seem as excited.

"Um, no I haven't. I've been a little busy."

"Oh yeah, sorry about pawning Zarir off on you, but we had so much to do with the set up."

Fara's mind is still elsewhere.

"Oh right, Zarir. Yes he's a handful, but he gets a lot done and quick."

"Something doesn't seem right. What is going on?"

"What? Nothing Carrie. Zarir is fine."

"I'm not talking about Zarir Fara. I'm talking about you. What's up with you lately?"

She is now digging, as Fara has been a little more distant lately.

"Carrie I don't know what you're talking about," she says, denying her of a straight answer.

"Fara?" Carrie is now continuing to press on it until she talks.

"Okay, okay! How do you always do this, get me to talk?"

"Because I'm good, now spill."

"So... I'm seeing someone."

"You are? I knew it. Who? Don't tell me it's Zarir. Is it?"

"Zarir? No. But it is someone who we have been working with."

_Oh my god it's Quinn. It has to be. Wait why do I care?_

"Wh-who then?"

"It's Max," she says smiling.

"Max as in Virgil's semi-mute little brother Max?"

"Yes! He makes me laugh, and dinner. I never thought that I would fall for an American man, but he's really sweet. And he does talk, a lot actually."

Fara now looks clearly smitten for him, and has never looked happier.

"Wow! Fara that's great. I just never... Max huh? I'm so happy for you two."

"Why? Who else did you think it was?"

Fara is now turning the tables.

"Oh, I uh had no idea."

"You thought I was going to say Quinn didn't you?"

Carrie's brow now furrows.

"What? No."

"Oh come on yes you did. I know about what happened Carrie."

Carrie shakes her head.

"Huh. Now how the hell do you know?"

"Max. Quinn told him."

"Ugh, why is he making a big deal about this? It didn't even mean anything!" She says angerly.

"Isn't it obvious Carrie? He likes you."

"No. No way. We're just friends."

"Carrie you have to be kidding yourself right?"

"Hang on Fara, I think I hear the baby," Carrie says swiftly getting herself out of the conversation.

Fara is thinking that Carrie has made an excuse to stop talking to her, until she hears Stella screaming like never before. It's so loud that she gets up to assist.

"Carrie what's wrong is there anything that I can help you with?" She asks cautiously, not wanting to make matters worse. Carrie surprisingly accepts her offer.

"Oh please Fara. Can you start to run a cool bath. She's already down to nothing and still sweating."

Fara quickly makes her way to the bathroom and begins to draw a bath. She is now starting to remember the reasons why Carrie has allowed herself to be so distant from Quinn and decides she won't bring it up again.

"I'm coming in Fara," Carrie announces, rushing in to room.

"Okay it's ready."

Stella is still screaming when Carrie places her in the tub, but eventually starts to settle after a minute or two. As she takes her out, the baby is now shivering. She wraps her in a towel, but keeps her limbs exposed so that she doesn't get too hot again.

"See, that's better huh?"

With her free arm she gives her some medicine and makes her a bottle. She begins to fuss a little again.

"Shhhhh, it's okay. Mama's here," she says while rocking her.

Fara just sits quietly and watches them. After Stella is done eating, she smiles at her mother and slowly begins to fall back asleep. Carrie continues to hold her close and almost forgets that Fara is still there, sitting right across from her.

"Oh sorry. You can leave Fara, you don't have to stay."

"It's okay. I want to stay. You know you're so good with her Carrie."

"Yeah, I guess so. I try."

She shrugs it off as if she isn't doing anything.

"No it's 'thank you Fara, you're right'."

She jokes with her.

"Thank you Fara, you're right," she mocks back. "I don't know which one of you makes me laugh more after a long day, but it's a close race."

"I think the winner is in your arms and lives here."

"Yeah you're right. No offense."

"I'm not insulted. I didn't stand a chance."

They both laugh.

"So don't you want to see Max before he leaves?"

"Yeah, I was going to bring this up, but..."

"But what? Are you planning on going back to the states?"

"No, that's the thing, he wants to stay."

"Fine by me, as long as you stay."

"So you can give him a job?"

"I'll see what I can do."

* * *

Wednesday March 5, 2014 9:00 am

Quinn is not walking, but running towards Carrie's office. Breaking news has been headlined all over the world for the past ten minutes, but she has been preoccupied with paperwork.

"Carrie. Meeting now, in the board room," he says already leaving before finishing his statement.

She never sees him this rushed and knows something big must have happened. When she arrives to the board room, Tony has already begun the briefing. However, he puts the meeting to a halt when she walks in.

"Carrie you were right, the former IRGs are up to something", Tony immediately informs her.

"Tell me. Tell me what's happening," she says as calmly as possile.

"Well as you know, over the past couple of months there have been reports of car bombs being detonated in desolate areas across the Iranian/Turkish border."

He plays the footage of the events while explaining. They are not so devastating, as nobody had been injured.

"Okay, and what changed?"

He switches the clip to the world news channel.

'Two people are dead following a possible hostage situation in Iran. There is an on going standoff between a group of six men and the Iranian police outside at the U.S. embassy located in Tehran, Iran. The group claims to be armed with explosives expressing their desire to enter the building and many shots have been fired, both by the attackers and the police. Among the deceased include an Iranian police officer as well as one of the attackers. They are believed to be former members of the IRG. No word on why the group is targeting the U.S. embassy.'

"Jesus Christ!" Carrie shouts.

"I know," Quinn adds.

"Fara, do we know where Zarir is?"

"As far as I know he's still in Istanbul, vetting the three men you asked him to look after."

Carrie is still furious with the news she has just seen.

"Get him in here. Now please!"

"I'm on it."

"Tony, I'm contacting Langley. I'll be right back."

She attempts to get through to Lockhart, but he is as expected tied up with other phone calls. When she accepts that she will not be able to speak with him right away, she instead calls Saul.

"Saul have you seen the news?"

"I have Carrie, are you okay?"

"Yes I'm fine thank you for asking. Saul, I called this. I knew those guys were bad fucking news."

"Carrie, there is nothing that you could have done to stop this. You're not even in Iran right now."

"I don't know what to do."

"You'll figure something out, you always do. I say just wait and see what happens. Then go from there."

"Thanks Saul, I'll talk to you later."

"Bye Carrie."

She heads back to the conference room to see what has happened since.

The news channel now confirms that a bomb has been detonated causing major damage to the main floor of the embassy. All five remaining men have been killed in the explosion and multiple police officers were injured.

"It was a fucking suicide mission," Carrie states for everyone to hear.

"We're not exactly sure Carrie, but we're on high alert here now," Tony says trying to calm her down.

"Good I'll be back. If anyone gets a hold of Langley, come get me immediately."

* * *

11:00

"Where have you been Zarir? I haven't seen your face since Monday."

"I've been doing what you asked Carrie."

"Well you better have some valuable information for me, because as you can see today has been a big fucking mess."

"I think I do."

"Love to hear it, like now."

"I found out why they're upset and I'm not sure if it has so much to do with my uncle as we thought."

He stops waiting for her to respond.

"Then why would they all leave as soon as he assumed his position?"

"Because it happened right after Akbari was killed."

She swallows hard knowing what is about to come next, but allows him to continue.

"They blame the U.S. government for his death. Do you remember the American by the name of Nicholas Brody?"

She walks out as she cannot and doesn't need to listen to it anymore. She finds a quiet window where no one is around and begins to cry. Quinn finds her moment later after he saw her leave her office so quickly.

"Carrie? Carrie? What happened? Are you okay?"

She still crying, now even more upset that he ruined her moment alone.

"Does it look like I'm fucking okay?" She says pointing to her face.

He knows it's a long shot, but walks in closer to give her a hug. She accepts his gesture, and buries her face into his chest sobbing even more. He brushes his fingers through her hair, comforting her until she can no longer shed tears. She then pulls back ready to talk.

"I have to leave for a couple days Quinn. I have to take Stella home."

"Okay okay. I don't want to know what happened but I'm sure you have your reasons and I'm sure Lockhart will understand."

"I don't give a fuck what Lockhart says. I'm leaving tonight."

"At least let me drive you to the airport."

"You'll do that for me."

"Whatever you need Carrie."

 


	16. Just visiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of stuff about to happen after this one.

Wednesday March 5, 2014 11:30 am

"What was that all about?"

Zarir quickly asks Quinn after Carrie has suddenly disappeared.

"And how is that any of your god damn business?" Quinn shouts.

"Okay man I'm sorry, but I wasn't finished."

"You don't need to, just get back to whatever it was you were doing. But I need to ask you, what were the two of you discussing right before she walked out."

"Oh that's confidential. Carrie explicitly told me that I am only to report to her and Fara."

"You can tell me."

"No, I cannot."

"Now Zarir tell me!" Quinn is now demanding an answer.

"If she finds out-"

"Now!"

Quinn's gaze is terrifying and he let's it slip out.

"I was talking about Akbari, and the assassin who killed him."

"I see."

Quinn turns and looks out the window, mulling over what was going through Carrie's mind.

"I'll see you tomorrow Zarir."

* * *

Thursday March 6, 2014 8:00 am

The air is cold when she steps out of the airport and makes her way into the cab. Much cooler than she remembers the previous March being in D.C. She hasn't called her father yet to tell him she is coming, but she never used to, so why start now. Besides, she knew that he secretly liked being surprised.

She enters the house exhausted and heads straight for the sofa. By the time Frank has realized that someone is there, Carrie is already sleeping. He immediately grabs Stella as he's been awaiting their homecoming. He has no idea why she was here now, but he doesn't really care.

* * *

4:00 pm

Maggie arrives home with the girls and it appears as if her father was gone, considering that his car was no where in sight.

"Girls it's time to do your homework, we have to be back to the school by 7," Maggie announces to her daughters as soon as they're walking in.

"Mom!" Josie shrieks.

Maggie was half way up the stairs, but now descending quickly to see what the issue is.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Look!"

Josie points.

_Carrie._

"Go do your homework honey, I'll deal with this."

"Ooooo-kayyy."

"Carrie? Carrie?"

Maggie begins to shake her.

"Hmmm?"

"Carrie. Where is the baby?"

She's still half asleep and Maggie is deeply concerned.

"What?"

"Was she with you?"

She slowly nods her head up and down.

"I'm calling dad."

Maggie enters the kitchen.

"Dad, do you have-?... You do? Well you should have-... Yeah she's still here... Okay I'll see you in a bit. Bye."

She sees Carrie nonchalantly walking in to retrieve a glass of water.

"Carrie what are you doing here?"

She plays it off like it's not a big deal.

"Just came to visit you."

"We saw the news Carrie, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to come home."

She sees Josie enter the room.

"Hi pumpkin, come here."

"Aunt Carrie you came back so soon!" Josie says as they hug.

Carrie can now see Maggie with her arms folded, giving her 'that' look.

"I know sweetie, she never comes back from her tours after four months," Maggie states sarcastically.

"Well it's because I missed you so much," she says to Josie, ignoring Maggie.

"I have a play tonight."

"You do? Will I know it?"

"It's Beauty and the Beast, and I'm Belle. Do you want to come?"

Maggie is now irritated, knowing that her sister's answer is only going to disappoint her daughter.

"I wouldn't dream of not going."

"Really?" Josie says exactly what her mother is thinking.

"Really. Now go get ready so we can go."

"I will. I'm going," Josie shouts while trailing off with excitement.

"You better not be lying to her Carrie."

"I'm not, I told you I came home to visit."

"I know you're not telling me everything, but I'll let it go right now."

They are interrupted as Frank walks through the door.

"Hello, where are you guys?"

"In the kitchen dad," Carrie yells.

"There you guys are. Sorry about taking off earlier, but we didn't want to stay in here all day."

"It's fine dad, I woke up for a bit after you left. I got the note."

Maggie heads straight for the baby.

"Oh my goodness my little angel, look how big you have gotten," Maggie says in awe, picking her up.

Stella begins to babble.

"I know, I can't believe she came back here so soon either."

Carrie rolls her eyes and shakes her head as Maggie walks away with her.

"Yeah Carrie what are you doing here?"

Her father asks.

"I just wanted to visit you guys."

"I'm glad you did."

Frank is much more forgiving than Maggie with her blunt answers.

"Thanks dad."

* * *

Friday March 7, 2014 8:00 am

Carrie walks into the kitchen to see that Maggie is still home and begins to question her.

"Maggie you're still here. I thought you worked every Friday?"

"Not today. I have to go to my lawyer's office."

Carrie gives her a look of confusion.

"Bill and I are getting a divorce," she lets out.

"Divorced?"

That's the only thing that came into Carrie's head.

"Remember in September when he was on business in Switzerland?"

"Yes."

"I found out he was cheating on me with his business partner."

"I'm sorry Maggie."

"Don't be. He was gone all the time anyways. Never around even when he was home. Can't say this is the worst thing."

"How are the girls doing?"

"Not too much different for them. Except when he's home they see him at 'daddy's loft'. I'm taking them there tonight."

Carrie decides to tell her the real reason why she's here.

"Maggie I didn't just come here to visit."

"I know, so why are you here?"

"Stella, I need- I need to leave her here for awhile."

"Leave her? What do you mean leave her here?"

"There's something important that I need to take care of and I can't have her there. It isn't safe right now!"

Carrie defends her reasoning.

"Does this have anything to do with what happened in Iran?"

When she initially hears Maggie mentioning Iran, her mind reverts to when she was there with Brody. But she knows that she is referring to the incident at the embassy.

"It does."

"Why can't you just stay here Carrie, let your boss there figure it out."

"I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because I am the boss there."

Maggie is shocked because has never revealed information to her like that before.

"We can talk to dad. I still have all of her stuff from your condo in my garage. When do you plan on leaving?"

"Tomorrow night."

Maggie evaluates the situation.

"Damn it Carrie. You're not going to go back there and show back up here a year later are you?"

Carrie is now offended.

"Jesus Maggie no! It should be a few weeks. A couple months tops. I already have some money for you."

She tries to hand Maggie over a large stack of money.

"We don't want your money Carrie. Just get back when you can."

"As soon as I can!" She assures her.

Carrie's burner phone is ringing in the other room.

"I have to get that."

* * *

"Carrie, when are you coming back?"

"I'll be back Sunday Quinn. I want to stay with Stella as long as I can before I go. What's going on?"

"Lockhart's been calling your office, so far we've been able to hold him up."

"Thank god. So now he wants to talk?"

"Fara has been talking to him for you."

"Thanks Quinn, I'll see you Monday."

"Bye Carrie."

* * *

6:00 pm

"Dinner is ready," Carrie shouts from the kitchen.

"Thanks for cooking tonight."

"It's the least I can do Maggie. Plus you had to drop the girls off."

"So Carrie, do you know when you're coming back for good?"

"No dad, not until we're finished there."

"So it could be years?"

"Dad I don't know."

"What about when she goes to school, have you looked into that?"

"No."

"Or when she starts asking you what you do?"

"I don't know."

"Or if she asks about her-"

"Dad!" Maggie snaps at him.

Carrie gets up from the table to grab Stella so that she can sit with her. She knows she'll eventually have to get to the issues that he has brought up, but now wasn't the time.

Frank has unintentionally dug into the little bit of confidence that had of her abilities as a mother. Protection was her self-proclaimed strongest ability and she was now relying on them to take over.

"Food is good right?" Carrie asks masking that fact that she's pissed at Frank.

"Excellent," Maggie says.

"Great," Frank adds.

She can still feel their tension.

"So dad, how was your doctors appointment this afternoon?" Maggie asks attempting to divert attention away from Carrie.

"It was okay."

"What do you mean okay?" Both girls ask at the same time.

"Oh nothing, he just said my blood pressure was really high."

"How high dad?"

Maggie asks as Frank ignores her.

"Dad how high?"

"141/92"

"Jesus dad!"

"It's not a big deal. No salts, no stress. I get it Maggie."

Carrie gets up in the middle of their conversation to take a phone call and heads outside.

"What's up Quinn?"

"Please tell me you're sitting."

"I'm standing, holding Stella. Just out with it Quinn."

"He fucking dead. Zarir is fucking dead."

He hears only silence from her.

"He's dead?" She says as she slowly takes a seat on the patio furniture.

"They found him in his car about 20 minutes ago."

"I'm coming back Quinn, I'm leaving now."

"Hurry. I have to go."

_Click._

She comes back into the kitchen where Frank and Maggie are still arguing, and hands the baby to Frank.

"I have to leave."

"What now?"

Frank asks.

"There's a situation that I have to get to now!"

"Carrie you just got here!"

She is already heading to her room to grab her things and is back down within minutes.

"You need a ride?"

"I already called a cab Maggie."

Maggie reaches out to give her a hug.

"Be safe Carrie."

"I will."

Frank walks over to say goodbye.

"Come back soon kiddo. We're going to miss you."

"I love you dad."

"I love you too."

Stella has fallen asleep in Franks arms, making her separation seem easier. She plants a kiss on her forehead and walks away, although she does not anticipate the tears falling down her face as she enters the cab.

 


	17. Third time this week

Saturday March 8, 2014 4:00pm

Carrie finally arrives at the embassy and studies Quinn's face through the window, as he is sifting through the official police report in her office. Moments later she walks in ready to handle the situation.

He looks up when he hears the door swing open.

"You're here, thank god."

"I am. Is that the police report?"

"Yes."

"How did you get that?"

"Gina has become very friendly with local law enforcement. Girl has got a gift."

She smiles.

"Of course she does, I hand picked her."

"Well you didn't pick me," he teases.

"Yeah... so what does the report say? Anything conclusive?"

"Well based on this it looks like there was more than one perp. What it is telling me is that someone distracted him and he was looking out the passenger's side window. Then the second perp came from behind to the back of his head with a .22 close range, likely one that had a silencer. It only took one shot."

"And the suspects?"

"I'm sorry they're gone."

"Fuck me! It had to be them. I told him over and over don't get too close, never show yourself, because you might just end up with a bullet.

_Or a baby._ Quinn mutters to himself.

"What was that?"

"Oh, I said yeah probably."

"I mean what if he said something about us? Do you think they know?"

"I don't know Carrie."

"That's what I'm worried about."

"I know."

He wants to tell her that everything will be fine but can't.

"Are you worried?"

He says nothing.

"Quinn, are you worried?"

She begs for an answer.

"I know I'll do my best to protect you, protect everyone."

She grabs the police report to read herself for a few minutes, then shares her thoughts.

"Damn it. I really liked that kid. Does Javadi know?"

"You want to tell him."

"He doesn't have to know who did it."

"For now anyways."

"You know where Fara is?"

"With Max."

This makes her upset.

"At a time like this?"

Quinn rolls his eyes.

"Not like that, they're setting up a new safety plan."

"Approved by who?"

"Well, Fara was his Case officer, and you weren't...well you were-"

"Okay Quinn. I'm sorry. I just really want to stop these assholes before they hurt anyone else."

"I know you do. Me too."

"Okay, I guess show me what you guys are working on."

"Let's go."

* * *

Sunday March 9, 2014 12:00 pm

"I can't believe you talked me into this," Carrie says.

"What having lunch with Max and I, or your new gps tracker?" Fara asks.

"This tracker. I mean it's a good idea that we all know where we're going to be, but I feel like it's going to be like facebook or something. Oh Quinn is at the bar, oh Fara is at this restaurant, or god forbid oh look Carrie is in the shower."

"You take your phone in the shower?"

"You know what I mean Fara. Ugh this is all just fucked up."

"Carrie I know that you're concerned right now, as am I, but we should really be talking about this tomorrow when everyone is there."

She doesn't think so.

"Do what you want, but I am not stopping until I find out what they're up too."

* * *

Monday March 10, 2014 10:00 am

"Carrie, Lockhart is on the line," her colleague says through the intercom.

_Damn it!_

"Okay thanks."

"Carrie I was trying to reach you-"

She cuts him off.

"I know I-"

He does the same.

"I know you have probably been extremely occupied with security there. I have of course been up to my ear lobes with, well everything. But I am calling you today to ask you about a report I received. A report in which one of your own has been killed. What can you tell me about that?"

She gathers her thoughts to word it the right way.

"He was following a lead under a strongly implied suspicion of a group of individuals. Individuals who have a connection with the group who terrorized the embassy in Iran."

"This is bad Carrie, very bad."

"I know sir."

"Do you have a plan?"

"We are self track one another for one. Plus we have doubled the amount of military personnel who are guarding the building. Not a blind spot out there with the number of men on top of this place."

"Very good, now lets work on a plan to prevent anymore casualties from happening."

"Already on it."

"I'll be in touch."

"Goodbye sir."

* * *

Friday March 14, 2014 7:00 pm

Carrie has put half of her team out to look after these guys for the past week, which have been yielding absolutely no results. Poor Max sits in his car all day doing nothing. All of the paper trails that Alejandro and Ian trace with Fara are also disappointing. Carrie is pissed because she knows they are guilty and planning something, but has no idea what. The police have also been unable to name any suspects linked to Zarir's murder. In her eyes time is running out for everyone involved.

"Why did you come with me tonight Carrie?" Max asks.

"Look, I know you said that you were finding nothing, but I had to see for myself."

"It's been 2 hours already. How long do you want to do this for?"

"Just here, put this on your dash or something," she says handing over a mini camera. "Might as well take a nap Max. I'm going to head out."

"You have plans?"

"Uh, sort of."

* * *

10:00 pm

Carrie sits at a fairly quiet bar, slowly working on her second drink. She's been making eye contact with a local who is ready to make his way over to the stool beside her. He gets up and begins to approach her. Just then Quinn takes his place instead.

"Fuck. What the fuck are you doing?"

"Third time this week I see."

"I fucking knew it. I knew you would be watching my every move with that stupid fucking gps."

"What are you doing Carrie?"

"It's none of your business."

She holds up her pointer finger, signaling for the other man to wait.

"I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine Quinn. My only problem is that you're ruining my night."

He shakes his head in disgust.

"Do what you want, but don't expect my help outside the embassy."

Quinn walks out not looking back. Carrie invites her conquest to join her.

"What was that all about?"He asks the mysterious blonde.

"Just an old friend."

"I see you're almost finished with that. What are you having?"

"Tequila."

"Tequila huh. We'll make it a double."

* * *

Saturday March 15, 2014 2:00 am

Her phone had been going off a few times during the night, but she never bothered to pick it up. She can't sleep due to the stranger's bed being so much more uncomfortable than her own, so she gets up and decides to check her messages.

8:04 pm

_Hey Carrie it's Fara. Max and_   _I are going to the restaurant you like,_  I  _forgot what it's called, the one over by the river tonight. Let me know if you want_   _to join_   _us._

_Delete_

9:01 pm

_Quinn here. Just wanted to know_   _if_   _you're up for a_   _drink._

_Delete_

10:07 pm

_Hey it's me dad. Just checking in to_   _see if you settled everything there. Be safe and_  I  _miss you. Stella does too. Love you. Bye._

_Save_

"What's the matter can't sleep?" He asks her, as her footsteps must have awaken him.

"Uh no. I think I might drive home."

"No no stay. Maybe I can help you go back to sleep."

"I'm sorry."

"Oh did something come up?"

"Yeah."

* * *

Monday March 17, 2014 9:00 am

Fara steps into Carrie's office looking to chat.

"Carrie where were you yesterday? I was waiting for you."

"What do you mean? I thought I told you that I would be here."

She can now see this is one of the few times that Fara is becoming legitimately angry.

"No. You have not answered my calls all weekend."

"Sorry Fara I have been busy."

"Did you at least find anything?"

"No, not a damn thing."

"Maybe we should back off for awhile. I think you have done all you can."

"This isn't a fucking game Fara. It's real. This is not over," she shouts.

"Just wait and see is all im saying!"

"I won't!"

* * *

Thursday March 20, 2014 9:15 am

"Fara where is Carrie? Did you see her yet?" Quinn asks.

"Who knows," she says bitterly

He can now tell that she's been acting just as rude toward Fara as she has to him.

"Okay. Let me know if you see her."

He hadn't checked her gps for a few days, for the fact that he was trying to avoid her, but it is unusual for her to show up even a minute after 9 am. He takes out his phone to pinpoint her location.

_Camirar Cafe? I'm going to call her._

She answers immediately.

"Quinn hang on a sec..."

"Where are you?"

"Like you don't know."

"Fine, but what the hell are you doing?"

"I was getting everyone coffee and-"

"Coffee and what? Carrie?"

She watches as her suspect exits the cafe.

"Quinn he's moving. I'm going to follow him."

Quinn is hustling to the top of the building. He knows that with her location, he should be able to see her in view from there.

"Wait Carrie. Wait for back up."

"Quinn he could get away. He's the weakest link in the group. This might be my only chance."

"I can barely see you. You're getting too deep in the alley. Just turn around."

"I won't I almost have him!" She protests.

Two men pull up where she was parked and begin heading her way.

"Fuck Carrie fuck hide!"

"What!?"

"The other two! They're right behind you!"

 


	18. Blades and bullets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of action

Thursday March 20, 2014 9:30 am

Carrie keeps her eyes forward and dashes out of sight into an adjoining alley. This one isn't really cleared like the main one and there is not really anywhere to go without moving everything out of the way. It wouldn't be the first time that her little ruse went to shit and she's been in way worse situations.

There are a ton a wooden pallets in the way, making it difficult to gain any speed. She then hears the men closing in on her and when she picks up the pace her phone slips out of her hand. The sound it makes smashing against the pallets attracts the attention of the two men, as they are now making their way in her direction. There is no time to pick it up either. She has to get out of there and fast.

* * *

9:31 am

"There, see. I need everyone to look out. They're going after someone, one of our own," Quinn shouts to the nearby soldiers next to him on the roof.

A few acknowledge as Quinn runs for the exit. The seven flights of stairs are no challenge for him, as he glides to the bottom in less than a minute. He reaches his car and is taking off before he can even shut the door. He opens up the glove box and grabs his pistol, making sure it is fully loaded. When that is all set he re-checks her location. It indicates that she is at a standstill and he steps on the gas.

* * *

9:33 am

Carrie now has a visual on them as she forces herself to look back and see how close they are to her. To her advantage there is another alley straight ahead and she heads right for it. Unfortunately for her it's a dead end. There are a line of dumpsters on one side of the complexes and ladders reaching the rooftops of the two story buildings on the other. She thinks about climbing, but knows that it's a dangerous option, likely with a higher probability to result in death. Just behind the fourth dumpster she has enough room to squeeze in to take cover.

She hears them climb to the rooftops, searching for which buildings she could be hiding in. When their voices fade, she decides it is once again time to take off.

* * *

9:39 am

Quinn pulls up past her car deeper into the alley in order to get to her quicker. His gun is ready to go and he starts sprinting to her location. When he sees where she is suppose to be, he panics when she is no where in sight. He begins to dig through the pallets only to find her banged up phone. His cell phone however is working just fine and he contacts Fara.

"Quinn what's going on? Why have you left?"

"Fara inform Javadi that we have a code yellow!"

Code yellow is a particular code, created by Carrie along with Javadi, to let Javadi know if Zarir's killers have been found. However, the code yellow was different from the similar code purple, the difference being that yellow included Javadi sending his men over in order to detain them and try them in Iran.

"You positive Quinn?"

"Yes, you know my location!"

_Click_

* * *

9:37

Carrie quietly slithers behind the dumpsters trying her best not to make any noise. When she gets to the final one of the four, it is pushed in much further than the others forcing her to the ground, crawling to get herself out. Her hair is in her face and she can barely see anything, but she knows that getting out of this particular alley is important.

As she approaches the exit she feels a horrible, isolated pain at the top of her head and can see herself move forward on the ground. Abbas 'the weak one' is dragging her out by the hair. As soon as she is completely out, he grabs her by the wrist with a tight grip and pulls her back into the alley that she was attempting to get out of. Carrie is not having it and thrashes around until she moves her feet in just the right position to knock Abbas to the ground.

With seeing his bloodied nose after face planting into the ground, she knows she should be running away at this point, but can't help but interrogate him. She pins him down by straddling his back, locking his legs with her ankles and pressing his arms tight to the ground with her hands.

"Why did they kill Zarir!?"

She demands.

He squirms around trying to free himself, surprised with the locked grip that Carrie has on him.

"They didn't. I did. And now I'm going kill you!"

He suddenly frees his left arm from her hold and grabs his knife from the pocket of his cargo pants. He ejects the blade while lifting his arm up and elbows Carrie in the face, instantly knocking her to the ground. She is slightly dizzy but gets right back to her feet.

As she jukes to the right trying to out run him, his blade catches her left pinky and ring finger, which severs them halfway off. The pain is enough to stop her in her tracks.

"God fucking damn it!" She says while going to her knees.

"Next time it'll be your whole hand", Abbas says with certainty.

He then kicks her to the ground getting multiple shots into her ribs, legs, and stomach.

"You want to ask me questions now bitch!?"

Despite all of the pain and realization that she was probably already dead, she nods her head up and down.

"Well I got one, who the fuck are you? All he said was that he was working for the blonde lady. That's all I needed to know. Then I shot him."

She now notices the other two men climbing down the ladders to join Abbas.

_Fuck!_

They are speaking in Farsi debating on whether they should kill her now, or get more information out of her. Abbas decides that since they have her under control, it's best to keep pressing her for more information. Of course Carrie can understand everything they are saying.

_This is really how_   _I'm going to die?_

Abbas spits on her face and demands that she answers him.

"Who are you lady?"

He repeats the question a few times. Each time she doesn't answer, merits her a solid kick. The third time she says something.

"Ca-Carrie," she slips out with a fainted tone.

"Do you think I give a fuck what your name is?"

* * *

9:43 am

He can hear them ahead, not Carrie, but three men shouting about 20 feet away. He gets closer and hears Abbas saying "your name is" then sees him lifting his blade ready to stab a bloodied and bruised Carrie in the torso. Quinn raises his gun and takes a shot. The .44 makes a hole right through his right bicep, exits, then hits one of the other men in the leg.

Carrie is hurting, but her weakness is not enough to stop her from kicking Abbas, who is now in agony, off of her. The only man who has not been shot takes the opportunity to grab Carrie by the hair as soon as she gets to her feet and puts a knife to her throat. Without taking a second to make a decision, Quinn pulls the trigger again putting one right between his eyes. Carrie is horrified and relieved at the same time, and uses the rest of her energy to run over to Quinn.

Seconds later the Turkish police show up ready to make their arrests. Quinn is holding a crying Carrie close when they ask her if she needs a hospital. She shakes her head no, but Quinn convinces her that it is best to go. The police also tell Quinn that they're bringing him in to ask him some questions. The officers agree to allow Quinn to ride in the patrol car with her on the way to the hospital before he heads to the station.

She cries the entire way there while Quinn holds her close. Halfway there he notices how severe the wounds are on her hand and rips a piece off of his shirt to bandage it and stop the bleeding. As they reach the emergency room moments later, he carries her out of the car and places her on the gurney. He knows that he cannot stay and must go down to the station.

* * *

10:55 am

"So you are telling us Mr. Quinn, that your girlfriend stopped to get you coffee, was chased by a group of wanted Iranian citizens, then robbed and beaten in the alley, and that you knew where she was because you keep track of her through her cellphone?"

"That is correct."

"That is your official statement?"

"Yes. That's my statement."

"Okay then. We will be speaking with her as soon as we can at the hospital. Until then you must remain here. We have informed Iranian officials that we have these men in custody and they may need to ask you a few questions too. Understand that we are just trying to avoid an international debate."

"I do."

* * *

12:00 pm

Fara is listed as Carrie's emergency contact on her medical forms and was called as soon as she arrived at the hospital. She's been in minor surgery for an hour and a half to repair her severed fingers, and Fara waits patiently for Carrie to get out. She sees them bringing her back to her room and the doctor informs her of her status.

"Fara Sherazi?"

"Yes that's me."

She takes a deep breath, not knowing the extent of Carrie's injuries.

"I would like to let you know that your friend is doing quite well..."

Fara breathes a sigh of relief.

"... We were able to successfully attach the damaged nerves in her fingers, in which she should have a full recovery. Now she also has multiple bruises and a few minor cuts which should heal over the next week. She is very lucky. Not even one broken rib, bruised, but not broken."

She has completely forgotten about how upset she has been with her lately and is just relieved that she is okay.

"Thank you doctor. When can I see her?"

"She should be up within the hour."

"Thank you."

* * *

1:00 pm

After not receiving any word whether or not Carrie was awake, Fara gets up to check for herself. When she gets to her room door she can see that two officers have already made their way in, so she sits outside to listen.

"So, your boyfriend tells us that you were robbed? What can you tell us about that?"

She is quite amused by his story but plays right along.

"Yeah, uh the man who beat me stole my cellphone and ran off with it. Then the other two must have come from behind a little later."

Fara sits there a little while long until they are done questioning her and enters the room.

"Carrie, how you holding up?"

"Fine, just glad I'm still alive. Surprised that I am actually."

"Yes, we all are."

"This is my bad Fara. How sad is it that I was ready to die right then and there? I was just so caught up in catching them. I fucked up. Bad."

"Well you can still take a shot at them."

"What? What do you mean?"

She asks frantically.

"They're going back to Iran Carrie. The two that survived anyway. And Javadi wants our help to track down the rest."

"Tell me more. Well when I can get out of here."

 


	19. Counteraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carrie is still not okay...

Friday March 21, 2014 9:30 am

"Fara, thank you for taking the time to speak with me today. I just want to confirm that you're in charge, as well as Tony until Carrie is well enough to return," Lockhart explains over the phone.

"Not a problem sir and thank you."

"No need to thank me. Thank you. You have been a wonderful agent and I see a promotion for you in the near future. Keep up the good work."

"Well I'm flattered."

"Good luck and I'll be in touch."

"Goodbye."

Fara soon after calls Quinn into her office to ask him a favor and he is there within minutes.

"Hey Fara, you needed me?"

"Yes I do. I told Carrie that I would pick her up when they discharge her today. But-"

"But what?"

"Well, Lockhart has put me in charge and I don't think I'm getting out of here anytime before 7. Plus I promised Max thay I wouldn't break our plans for tonight."

"Not a problem," he says with validity.

"Uh thank you Quinn. You're the best," she says relieved.

"I know."

* * *

4:00pm

"Carrie, you have a call," her nurse announces.

"From?"

"She said she was your sister."

"How the fuck does Maggie know I'm here?"

She says quietly to herself.

"Maggie? How did you know I was here?"

"Dad had Peter Quinn's number. He said you broke yet another phone."

"You got me. I did."

"Carrie what happened?"

"I'm fine Maggie. Besides you know I can't tell you anyways."

"I know, but you can at least call me once and give me a time frame of when you're coming back."

"I don't know, I have to go to Iran for awhile."

Maggie takes a deep breath.

"I-Iran?"

"Yes Iran. For my job."

"And you have no clue when you'll be back?"

"I'm sorry Maggie, I don't," she says emotionless.

"I knew it. I knew this would happen."

_Click_

"Maggie I-. Maggie! Fuck."

* * *

7:30 pm

"Fara you made it," Max says enthusiastically, then gives her a tender smooch.

"I'm so sorry about last night Max," she apologizes.

"Fara I don't think there is anything you could do to make me mad."

"Aww, thank you Max," she says while caressing his hand.

"Besides, it's been a year. This is a special occasion!"

He says ginning ear to ear.

"A year?"

She is now beginning to question his math skills.

"Yes a year! A year ago today we met at the safe house remember?"

"Oh my gosh, I can't believe you remembered!"

"Of course. I would never forget the day that I first laid eyes on your gorgeous face."

"Max you are the sweetest man I've ever known," she can't help but smile just as much herself, "but I have to ask, why did you wait so long? Why didn't you approach me then?"

"I was afraid Fara," he says in a low tone.

"Afraid of what? Me?"

"I was afraid that you wouldn't like me", he confesses.

"I don't like you Max, I love you!"

"You do!? I mean me too! I love... I love you too!" He says hysterically, but meaningful.

He kisses her hand and they stare into each others eyes for a moment. She takes the next moment to be sure of his commitment.

"Max are you happy here? You know being away from your family here in Istanbul."

"Fara, I could be anywhere. As long as you're there, I'll be right there with you."

* * *

8:00 pm

_Knock knock knock_

"Finally Fara. I got discharged over an-," she stops when she realizes it isn't her. "Quinn. What are you doing here?" She asks flat-out.

"Fara couldn't make it. She had a date with Max."

"I see. Can we go? I have got to get home so that I can get ready to leave."

She heads for the door until Quinn stops her, using little force to take hold of her arm.

"Wait. Don't you want to change? Here I brought you some clothes."

"Yoga pants and a tank? Wait how did you get these? Were you at my house?" She asks slightly agitated.

"Yeah, I remembered the code."

"Whatever. I'll be right back. I have to pee anyways."

"Okay but we need to talk in the car."

* * *

8:30 pm

"Carrie there is something you should know, about what happened yesterday."

"Oh great now what?"

He is annoyed with her lingering hyper attitude, but hopes what he is about to tell her will make her slow down and put things into perspective.

"They found a bomb. There was a fucking bomb in their car."

"I knew it. I fucking knew I was right. That whole act at the embassy in Iran, it was like they were practicing or something. For something bigger. More damaging. More-."

He cuts her off.

"Carrie don't you get it? We could have all been killed if you hadn't-"

"I was just doing my job Quinn."

"No Carrie, you saved us. Stopped them from what could have been a catastrophy! Everyone is so impressed! Me included."

"Like I said I was just doing what I had to do."

"Really Carrie?"

She pays no attention to this and instead is more concerned with where they are headed.

"Wait, we're still downtown. Where are we going?"

He is stunned with how she has reacted to what he has just shared with her, but answers her question accordingly.

"Oh, uh Max fixed your phone. It's at my apartment."

"Fine."

* * *

8:45 pm

"There. It's right there on the counter," he says pointing to her phone. "Max can fix any electronic I put in front of him."

"Thanks," she says not even looking up at him and heads towards the door.

"Carrie wait!"

"What?"

"I'm worried about you," he says softly.

"What the fuck? Why the fuck are you worried about me for?"

"I'm not... Well it's just... like the way you're acting."

"Acting? I'm just being me right now so I don't even know what the fuck you're saying."

"Well have you taken your lithium?"

"Yes! That's none of your business anyways!"

"Carrie?" He says pressing the question.

"Oh so fucking what, I missed a dose. What you can't handle me or something?"

"No, that's not it. You're just being... Maybe you should stay, I'll make you something to eat."

She is getting increasingly ill tempered each second she is still there.

"I'm not hungry Quinn!"

He is not going to stop until he breaks her of this mood, not know what might come.

"Carrie I know you hate hospital food and that you probably didn't each much."

She looks into his eyes, visually asking him to back off.

"I need to leave!"

"And go where Carrie, back to your empty house all weekend?"

"Fuck off Quinn," she says pressing the palm of her non-bandaged right hand into his shoulder, trying to knock him off balance. He hardly moves and looks down smirking where she attempted to push him.

"It's not funny Quinn!"

He gets back to a serious tone.

"Carrie all I'm saying is that... well you haven't even said thank you!"

"Ugh. What do you want Quinn? What? For me to get on my hands and knees thanking you for saving my life?"

"Carrie I would have done the same thing for anyone there."

"No Quinn you're right. Thank you. That's what you want right?"

"I-"

"No matter how much I tell you to back off you just keep on coming back. Always just worried about me or helping me. Just forgetting about what I want from you."

"Carrie please just sit down for a second."

"See right there. Stop it!"

She gets in his face and he says nothing.

"Oh wait you like that don't you? Because you like me. Fuck why do I keep forgetting this."

He is still standing there speechless.

"You can't even say it! You can't even admit that you do!"

She puts her arms around his neck.

"Oh I bet you like this. That's what you want me to do right? I bet you like that."

She's now pressing her hips against his.

"Or this, I bet you just love that. Oh yeah I can tell you do."

He wants to stop her, have her cool off, but can't help but get turned on by this.

"Or this," she says before pulling down his face to meet his lips with hers.

They kiss for about fifteen seconds until she backs away. She gazes into his seemingly empty eyes for a few seconds after.

Without notice, seconds later she is struggling to unbuckle his belt with one hand. He grasps her arm stopping her, lifts her into the air and places her on his squeaky clean counter. It was time for him to take control now.

He quickly removes her yoga pants and panties with a single motion, and they drop to the floor. At the same pace, he unbuckles his own pants and they fall right to his ankles. She is still just sitting there, immediately noticing how ready he is. He can't wait any longer and takes her partially open legs as an invitation and pushes them further apart.

He pulls her closer as far as her balance allows to the edge of the counter and deliberately pushes in his entire erect cock into her with one thrust. She gasps as he stands in this position for a moment and he slowly begins sliding in and out of her while carefully holding her hips in place.

"Agh fuck Quinn."

He can feel how tense she still is so he picks up the pace, and takes his left hand off her hip and places it behind her neck to prevent her head from smashing into the shallow wall. With each pump she moans even louder and she forces herself to place her right palm on the backsplash to stay somewhat in place. Although she's still sore from the day before, she wants him even more of him and locks her ankles together behind his back. Quinn is relishing every ounce of pleasure he is giving to her, nearly sending him over the edge too soon, as he can't help but grunt with each motion.

It's brisk and even a little rough, but at this point he doesn't really care. His thrusts are now so forceful he can already feel the bruises forming on his legs that are slamming into the cupboards. They're now both panting, nearly breathless. She hasn't been able to look at him as her head as been tilted back, only occasionally opening her eyes.

She has just enough energy left in her to move her head forward and meet his now lively gaze causing her to orgasm, sending waves of euphoria throughout her entire body. Just as quickly, like he's been waiting like a teenager, he spills into her. When their bodies finally relax, he pulls out of her and feels their ever present tension now completely evaporated.

He lowers her off the counter slowly and neither of them say a word. They separately dress themselves, still no conversation. Carrie is definitely calmer, but picks up the single crumb on the floor with her eyes, staring at it as if her life depended on it. Quinn can not take the silence any longer.

"Say something," he says lightly.

She finally looks up at him.

"I- I don't even know why we did that."

"It just kind of happened," he says trying rationalize their actions.

She unexpectedly begin to cry.

"Quinn. I- I have to go!"

She yet again heads for the door after swiping her phone off the counter.

"Carrie. Carrie wait!"

This time she doesn't turn around.

 


	20. I ran

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quite the episode...

Friday March 21, 2014 9:00 pm (D.C. time)

"Damn it mom she's still screaming!" Ruby shouts to her mother.

"You better watch your language young lady or you'll be screaming when I take away your cell phone!" Maggie says furious.

"I'm sorry mom, but I have a math test soon! This has been going on for a week!"

"That's no excuse for that mouth! She'll stop soon. Go back to your room."

Ruby is stopped by Frank while headed to her room.

"I'm sorry sweetie. Don't worry I'm going to put her in the car again until she falls asleep. Maybe tonight will be less than 20 blocks."

"Ugh thank you grandpa goodnight!"

"Goodnight."

Maggie is getting ready to leave when Frank gets downstairs.

"Where are you going Maggie?"

"I'll take her tonight, you've been doing this all week."

"I know. I don't know what has gotten into her lately."

Maggie is now bothered by his oblivion.

"Gee, I don't know dad. Maybe the fact that she hasn't seen her mother for that past two weeks might just have something to do with it."

"You think so?"

"Dad she wants Carrie."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. But you heard her Maggie, she said she'll be back soon."

"No dad, I don't think so. Stella's going to be here for a long time."

* * *

10:30 pm

Carrie is still walking home from Quinn's spastic, talking to herself. She goes from periodically sobbing for a few seconds to being neurotic and laughing the next.

"What are they doing? I'm going to figure it out. Javadi! He might know! Who will come with me? FARA! She will go," she laughs.

"Iran. Iran. Iran."

She starts running. Her pain killers are wearing off and she starts to feel it.

"Shit!"

She comes to a stop, bending over to clasp her hand over her rib. The crying begins again.

After a few minutes, she starts walking again.

"The GATE!"

She reaches her neighborhood and despite the pain, makes a mad dash for her house.

* * *

Saturday March 22, 2014 1:00 am

"Hello?" Max quietly says answering his cell.

"Max it's Peter. What are you doing right now?"

"What normal people do at one in the morning... sleeping. I'm at Fara's."

Quinn takes a slip of his beer.

"Well can you meet me out?"

"What now?"

"Yes now. I'm only ten minutes away. Please man."

"This really can wait for the morning?"

"Come on buddy please."

"I'll be there in fifteen."

* * *

1:30 am

Max walks into the bar with a pair of sleepy eyes and no desire to drink.

"What's up man?"

"I can't sleep."

"Why what happened?"

"I did something that I probably shouldn't have done."

Max watches as he shakes his head.

"What? What happened?"

"No man, just forget I said anything."

"Why?"

"Because. You'll tell Fara."

"What? No whatever it is man I won't tell her," Max begs now needing to know, while Quinn pours him a shot.

"Come on Quinn. Look whatever it is I'm sure-"

"I had sex with Carrie," he blurts out.

Max is truly shocked.

"You what? when?"

"After I picked her up from the hospital. It just.. happened."

"Wait what? I didn't know you two were... Who came on to who?"

"SHE came on to ME! But it's not okay! She's never going to speak to me again!"

"Hold up slow down," Max says trying to figure what exactly he's trying to say.

"She's- she's not well. She was going off on me freaking out, I was trying to calm her down and things got a little heated. I got caught up in the moment. She wasn't... shit!"

"So what... she's manic?"

"I- yeah. She took off. I went after her, but it was too late she was gone. I don't know what to do."

He takes another shot.

"It sucks so much because I really care about her. I should have went after her sooner. Now everything is just fucked up. I want to help her and she won't. I fucked it all up!" He pleads.

"You still can Peter. Just... just give her a day or two," Max says, not knowing what else to tell him.

"I called her a few times. No answer. She wasn't ready for that, not with me. I was thinking about myself. It's not going to be the same Max. Can you get Fara to go see her tomorrow? I want to know she's alright."

"Yeah."

"I just want everything... for her to be okay again."

* * *

Saturday March 22, 2014 5:00 pm

Fara has called Carrie all morning to see how she has been doing, but she has not taken one call from her. Max has encouraged her to check up on Carrie and Fara is of course is just thinking he's being a good friend. It's a good thing she knows exactly where to find her.

_Knock knock_

"Carrie what's going on?" Fara asks calmly.

"Oh good you're here! I have an theory. Can you take a look at this for me!?" She says while scribling all over her legal pad.

"Uh, sure what is it?"

"This group we're after they're bigger, expanding, all over the world. We need to leave now!"

"Carrie we'll leave when Javadi needs us."

"That's NOW! He has to see this now!"

Fara is scared out of her mind right now, but even more petrified of saying the wrong thing.

"I'm going to go, but I'll be back in a bit."

Carrie is delighted that she seems to be on the same page.

"GRAB my things Fara. I packed my bags! They're at my house. PLEASE!" She directs.

"Sure Carrie, you got it."

She walks out and heads to her office.

"Quinn you need to get down to the embassy, quickly!"

"What's wrong Fara?"

"It's Carrie. She's on this strange rant, talking quickly saying stuff that... well...I don't know what to do."

He sets a brave tone and tells Fara what to do.

"Fara just sit with her until I get there. Just listen to her. I'll be there soon."

"Okay."

* * *

"Max we got to go ."

Max is still finishing his dinner.

"What's the destination boss?"

"Fara, she's with Carrie. We got to go."

"The hospital?"

"We might. I don't know. We just have to get there. Take that to go."

* * *

5:30 pm

He pulls up with Quinn and texts Fara to see if they are still there.

"You ready?" Max asks.

Quinn is staring out the window.

"Yeah."

Max opens the car door.

"Wait... I'm going to have Fara bring her down here."

They sit and wait until they're finally outside heading toward Fara's car.

"Okay after we get my stuff, we'll go get yours," Carrie insists while climbing into the passengers seats

Carrie looks in the sideview mirror, seeing Max and Quinn approach the car.

"What the fuck! FARA what the fuck!"

"Carrie, I had to."

Quinn bends down to Fara's window while Max is on the other side.

"What's going on!?" Carrie asks erratically.

"We're going to go with them Carrie," Fara says delicately.

Carrie shakes her head.

"Fuck that! Fara I'm not!"

"Carrie we just want to help", Quinn finally interjects.

"Why are you here?"

"I'm not leaving Carrie," he chokes, wishing he could stop this.

"I don't need help! I just need to get to Iran!"

Max opens her door, as Quinn comes around.

"Carrie we have to go."

She refuses to get out of the car and into there's, so Quinn and Max are forced to move her to the backseat.

"Let me the fuck go!"

"Fara go," Quinn instructs.

"Stop the fucking car Fara. Fara! I'm going to fire your ass!"

She keeps driving neglecting Carrie's request, while the guys hold her down in the back.

"Please don't, Please! I can't go back there!" She weeps.

"We have to Carrie," Quinn whimpers, "we have to go to the hospital."

Fara's conscience has gotten to her and she can't bring herself to go there. She instead heads for Carrie's house.

"Fara?"

"It's okay Quinn."

Carrie can no longer hear them after screaming so long, tired and is sitting in a daze.

"We're here Carrie," Quinn says.

She doesn't move an inch.

"I'll bring her in Fara," Quinn says.

Fara walks into her house, where everything is in decent order.

There are two bags packed just as Carrie had told her. She opens them curious as to what she had packed. One bag is full of Carrie's clothes and paperwork. The smaller black bag however confuses Fara, as it's full of Stella's things. She zips it up just as Quinn is making his way inside.

He brings her to the bedroom, happy that she's no longer fighting them. He places her on the bed and she crawls to the other side, purposely looking away. He sits on the other end to talk.

"Carrie, I just want to say-"

"Get the fuck out of my house Quinn," she muffles.

"Carrie I won't leave you here. I'm going to stay here until-"

She turns around raged.

"Get the fuck out. Get out! Get out! Get out!"

Fara runs to the room and pulls Quinn away into the hallway.

"I'll stay with her."

Quinn looks at her almost teary.

"Fara you sure you want to stay? I can."

"She doesn't want you to Quinn. But I don't want to take her to the hospital. She would kill me if Lockhart found out."

"Get her to take her lithium and her painkillers. The pain meds will help her sleep. If she doesn't take them, call me."

"I think she-" Fara stops to peek into Carrie's room where she is searching for something. "I think she will, because we took her here and not the hospital. Why doesn't she want you here?"

He knows exactly why.

"This isn't the first time I've seen her like this."

"Do you know what could have caused this?"

He breaths deep.

"I think I have an idea."

* * *

A/N: By the way the title is 'I ran' not 'Iran'. Am I the only one who almost likes making the chapter title as much as writing the story?

 


	21. Freezer burn

Wednesday March 26, 2014 5:45 pm

  _Tick tock tick tock tick tock_

Time is the only thing he is concentrating on. Three days twenty two hours and twelve minutes ago.

 _How is she? She thinking about me? Stop it!_   _I hope she's okay. Will_   _I ever talk to her again?_

 "Quinn."

  _Tick tock_

 "Quinn!"

  _Tick tock_

 "Peter!" Max finally yells.

 Quinn takes his focus off the clock.

 "Yeah yeah what?"

 "We're leaving now! Flight leaves in less than an hour. Gina and Julian are waiting in the car," Max says.

 "Okay. Do you think we could stop at my place to grab my bag?"

 "Are you kidding me Peter? We've known about this since yesterday morning. What have you been-"

 "Chill out Max, it's right here," he says lifting up the bag he's been holding the whole time.

 "Seriously man? Come on they're waiting."

 "Okay let's go."

 They drive to the airport and board their flight to Iran. Javadi is waiting in Iran for a team to get his prisoners to talk. Luckily Fara knew that Quinn was the top of the food chain in that department. She doesn't mind being in charge, but can't help but wonder if Carrie was ever going to wake up after sleeping for three days straight.

 

* * *

 

7:00 pm

 Fara dreaded making difficult decisions, but had forced herself to report the the embassy the past three days. In the past, she couldn't fathom the level of anxiety she would be having over leaving Carrie alone while she was away. It helped when she would remind herself that she was probably asleep anyways. When Quinn had told her about how upset she was about Zarir mentioning Brody, it made her shiver. She had never met him personally, but she got her fair share of customized back stories. Surely she knew about his death, but Carrie never talked about him with her. Never. Fara knew better to not bring it up either.

 Fara quickly makes her way inside, expecting Carrie to still be asleep. Before she can make it to the bedroom, she hears a distinct style of music that only Carrie would play. When she walks in,Carrie is sitting up in bed with her arms tightly holding her knees to her body, resting her chin there.

 "Hey", Carrie says startled.

 "You're uh awake."

 "I've been... for awhile."

 Fara has not yet anticipated this conversation.

 "Oh. Uh you want something to eat?"

 "I ate... why... why didn't you bring me to the hospital?"

 "Because you didn't want to go. I couldn't. Besides I knew you'd be even more upset if Lockhart found out why you were there."

 Satisfied with Fara's answer she says nothing.

 "He doesn't know Carrie, if that's what your next question is. I told him you had the flu."

Carrie halfway chuckles.

"Well that's half true, I am sick. It's just never going to go away."

Fara now heartbroken by this takes a seat on the bed next to her and puts an arm around her.

"Carrie I'm not going to lie, you kind of scared me. But why did you stop taking your meds?"

She turns to Fara.

"I hate myself," she says void of emotion.

"Stop that Carrie!"

She considers Fara's statement.

"No Fara, you don't get it. My mind... It's fucked! Why would you stay with me like this?"

"Because I'm your friend Carrie! I didn't want to see you get hurt. Although I was kind of hoping Quinn could be here too. Why is that?"

"Oh, we are not even going to talk about that right now."

"Well he's leaving anyways. He's on his way to Iran."

Carrie is visibly upset.

"What do you mean he's on his way? Without us? Fara you didn't!"

"Javadi needed a team! What was I suppose to do Carrie? I don't know how you do this job."

Carrie takes a deep breath.

"It's the only job I can do right. And right now I just want to go there and get it done."

"Lockhart thinks otherwise."

"I thought you said you didn't tell him."

"I didn't. He would like us to go to the embassy in Tehran. He said they need our help. I just want to be sure that you... can. I said we'd leave tomorrow."

She shakes her head.

"I'll go Fara."

"Carrie I know you want to, but I think you should stay."

"I know I need help Fara! I do. But I have to go. Without my job I can't..."

"You can't what?"

Fara sits there waiting.

"Fuck Fara it's Brody! My job is the only thing right now that will take me away from that! Okay!?"

Fara doesn't know what to say and sticks with what will help.

"Carrie, we will go. But you have to promise me that you're okay to go. Okay?"

Carrie gets off the bed, declaring her reasons.

"My bags are already packed."

"Don't forget those," Fara says pointing to her lithium, painkillers and antibiotics.

"I won't. Where are my bags?"

"In the-"

"Before she can finish, Carrie is already searching. Rifling through the bags, she makes a strange discovery.

Fara follows behind her as see as she is opening the smaller one.

"This is... this is all Stella's stuff. Did... did I pack this?"

Fara nods.

"I don't even remember. I... must have forgot."

Unwilling to enter that territory for the moment, she motivates Carrie to get ready.

"Come on Carrie. You need to clean up of we're going to go. We'll talk on the plane. Okay?" She nods.

"How about a shower?"

"Okay."

* * *

 

Thursday March 27, 2014 12:00 pm

"Who are... the Dixie chicks?" Javadi asks while looking over the album that Max has handed over.

"It's not mine. We found it at a discount store. Trust me if nothing else works, this will," Max says defending what he has just put in front of him.

"If you say so."

They look through the double panned glass while Quinn is interrogating and Julian stands with him.

"Fuck you," Abbas slips out.

"Fuck me? Fuck me huh? Even if you don't talk to me we will find them," Quinn retorts.

"What are you going to do? Just keep putting bullets in random people's arms until they talk to you?"

"You're not random. You're a fucking piece of shit", Quinn adds while giving him a glimpse of his knife.

"What are you going to do? Stab me?"

"Yes!"

Instead of creating a fresh hole, Quinn plunges his knife into his gunshot wound in the bicep. He watches while Abbas suffers, probably wishing that he was never born. Rules for this process were different here and Quinn was taking full advantage.

"Argh. You crazy piece of shit!" Abbas screams.

"This is nothing," he says point blank. "And no one is here to stop me!"

"Who is she?"

"What?" Quinn asks stumped by his question.

"The blonde?"

"Fuck you!"

Quinn pushes the knife further in, twisting it, creating an agonizing pain.

"Argh. Fuck! Fuck! Stop!"

Quinn stops moving the knife, praying for answers.

"There's a list!"

"Where? Tell me!"

"In Istanbul!"

He pulls the knife out completely and hands him a cloth bandage.

Abbas is relieved, but breathing heavily. As the pattern slows he begins to explain.

"It's there."

"Where!?" Quinn demands.

"I don't know!"

"Liar!"

Quinn proposes round two.

"The freezer! The documents are in the freezer!"

Quinn exits, attempting to confirm this.

_Come on Carrie answer._

After four tries he gives up and calls Fara.

"Hello?"

"Fara you still in Istanbul?"

"I am. Have you made progress?" She asks, hoping that he has done his task.

"Fara listen to me please. I need you to go to Abbas's motel their. Strip the place clean, but he said look in the freezer."

"What is it?"

"There's a list. The list that... that Carrie was talking about."

She gasps.

"You mean-"

"Yes, the remaining subjects... Is uh... is she okay?" He asks while fidgeting with the small cut her received from her on his arm.

"She seems to be fine. Way better actually, eating just fine, telling me she wants the window seat. So yes. But there's still sense something troubling her."

He stops messing with it when it begins to bleed again.

"Okay. Just uh let me know what you find."

"Right away Quinn."

"Bye."

* * *

 

2:00 pm

"What are we looking for?" Carrie asks as they make a stop on the way to the airport.

"What you've been looking for. Come on."

They enter the dingy motel that had a particular scent of whiskey and cigars, and Fara begins digging through the freezer.

"We just ate Fara."

"Hang on a second."

She finds a stiff manila envelope underneath the frozen peas.

"See here."

"What is it?"

"I presume it's the list you were hoping for. We will stop them Carrie."

She shifts the papers around, trying to see its contents.

"I can't open it yet, not without damaging it anyways."

"Here. Just put it in your bag", Fara says while stuffing it in her purse.

"Come on we need to go."

* * *

 

6:00 pm

"You sure you want to share a room Fara?"

Fara narrows her eyes.

"Positive!"

_Ding_

They've reached the sixth floor of the hotel making there way towards the room. Carrie had no trouble as she had been there before.

"You've never been here Fara?"

"I lived fifteen minutes away. Why would I have stayed here?"

"I don't know."

"I'm sure you're quite familiar with all of the hotels in D.C. then?"

Fara jokes.

"You'd be surprised."

Carrie turns down that final hallway only to see Quinn outside their room door. She stops in place, but Quinn comes towards them anyways. He takes in her present state for a moment before turning to Fara.

"So... did you get it?"

"Yeah, we looked it over on the way. It's in her-"

Carrie hands over the file, but continues to pretend he's not there.

"Thanks," he says, looking impressed.

Disappointed that she is still ignoring him, he walks past them with the list in hand and heads back.

* * *

 

9:00 pm

"So tonight, you done here?" Javadi asks.

"Think so. Confessions are in order," Quinn replies.

"Good. Now I can have my fun."

"Fun? What fun?"

Even for Quinn, Javadi's face is now as eerie as ever.

"Why plan for their execution of course."

With any other case he would have suggested keeping them around for information, just in case, but he couldn't help but wish for their lives to end after what they did to Carrie.

"Good," Quinn says with a cold tone. "I'll see you tomorrow.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of seems like I skipped a few thing, but it will soon circle back around.


	22. We think we deserve

Friday March 28, 2014 8:00 am

She focuses on business and prepares to meet with the Tehran Station chief. Part of her is hoping that she doesn't know the guy. She is in no mood to deal with having a reconciliation with someone from the past, who she probably pissed off at some point or another at Langley.

"Fuck," Carrie mutters quietly.

"What?" Fara asks.

"Nothing nothing, just... being here."

"They need us Carrie," she reasons with her.

"I know."

She walks into the room where the man is waiting and immediately garners his attention.

"Oh hello I'm William Emery. You must be?" He says a bit off.

She knows what he's getting at, but keeps her composure and introduces herself.

"Carrie Mathison, Chief of Station in Istanbul."

"Oh I was expecting-"

"A man?" She says.

"Well yes, but also-"

"Someone older?" She says, finishing his statement for the second time.

He nods.

"Anyways this is my top agent Fara Sherazi, here to assist as well."

He still has a baffled look on his face, which is definitely starting to get on her nerves.

"Seriously though, I have to ask how old are you?"

"Thirty four. Look are we going to sit around and talk about this all day, or was I missing to point of this arrangement?" She says in a stern tone.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Have a seat."

He begins their discussion.

"So as you can see there was significant damage done to the building from the attack-"

"With all due respect sir, and I do mean that, I've seen much worse. At least you have your lives."

He is taken aback by her interruption, but is curious about what incident she is referring to.

"You were... there then? During the Langley bombing."

She wants to make it clear that she can handle the situation. More importantly for Fara to see that she could.

"I was... Look there is already something in motion. There is an operation in the works as we speak."

He shifts in his seat and redirects to what he was getting at to begin with.

"We're for the moment primarily just concerned with everyone's safety. How can you help us with that?"

"I can't help you unless your people are ready to work. I mean really work. No bullshit. No excuses."

He is still shocked that not two minutes ago he thought she was someone entering the wrong office.

"I can have them meet with you throughout the next couple of days... tell me though because I'm fascinated. How did you stop the bombing in Istanbul? How did you know?"

"Like I said, no bullshit. And I also rely heavily on the team that I'm working with. They make everything happen. Do you feel the same about yours?"

"No."

"Then we have a lot of work to do."

* * *

8:30 am

"Did you really mean that Carrie, what you said back there?"

"About what Fara?"

"About your team, is that really how you feel?" She laughs.

"Yeah of course."

"Then why don't you say it, you know out loud. It's all right to tell us how you feel you know."

Carrie looks away from her for a moment to figure out what to tell her.

"I assume things Fara."

"Well stop assuming that we know. I want to let you know that I'm willing to listen."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Good."

* * *

Saturday March 29, 2014 5:00 pm

"Can you believe that guy 'Well I don't see the point of you not telling me who your sources are'. Did he think we would just let him in on the operation after only knowing him for two days?"

"Well, I'd probably push for it too Fara. I always want to know", Carrie says in a humorous tone.

"Yeah I guess."

"So what would you like to do for dinner tonight?"

Fara displays a look of guilt.

"Oh, actually I kind of had planned to see Max tonight."

Carrie sighs.

"Oh, okay."

"You're more than welcome to come though, we're getting some food."

"No it's okay. I'm kind of beat anyways. I'm just going to go back to the hotel and sleep."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, just fine."

* * *

6:30 pm

Quinn gets out of the cab when he spots her in her rental car. He knew where he could find her, but is glad to know she is still sitting in it. He runs his hand through his hair and prepares himself for what is ahead.

She knows he is there right beside the window, but does not express any indication. Quinn is shaken up when he notices the lingering muddled look on her face, and having to see what lays in the distance.

_Stupid fucking crane. Why the fuck does_   _it still have to be there?_  He thinks.

He opens the door not knowing what to expect.

"Move over," he commands with an inviting tone, hoping that she will comply.

She moves to the passengers seat and he takes off as quickly as possible. It's silent for a moment, quiet enough for them to hear each others faint breaths.

"I don't hate you Quinn... if that's what you're thinking," she finally speaks continuing to stare straight ahead.

"No?"

He still can't even believe that she let him in the car to begin with.

"No... I hate myself."

"Don't say that Carrie."

"No Quinn, I do. You were right when you said I was selfish."

"Carrie I was upset that day. Sometimes I say things that I don't mean."

"Do you remember Nicholas Brody? That's what he said to me... every fucking day. You know I could handle Saul bringing him up, but some kid from Iran telling me that there's a whole fucking terrorist organization running in high gear because of something I did! What I made him do!"

She stops to take a breath as if she is testing to see whether or not Quinn wants to respond. He's got nothing but a sigh for her.

"I just want to know when I'll stop thinking about him. Is he ever going to go away? Is this ever going to go away?" She begs for an answer and he tells her exactly what he thinks.

"No," he states quietly.

As expected his statement causes her to start crying, so he continues with his thoughts.

"He'll always be there. It's not something that you have any control over," he continues.

"I know that," she sobs.

"But... you can try to think about the good memories."

"Don't you think I'm not trying!" She shouts.

"You're strong Carrie. You still have people who are going to be there for you. I... I am."

She peers out the side window.

"I came back by myself. I just want to be me again, before Brody. I want to go back to how I should be."

He's not sure what she is getting at.

"Which is?"

She looks him in the eye.

"Alone," she whimpers.

"Is that why you stopped taking your meds when you came back?"

"No... maybe... yes. But it's not like that Quinn. Everyone's just going to end up leaving one way or another anyways."

"But we're not Carrie. We're still here!"

"For now... and I don't want you to think I'm a shitty person, for leaving Stella there," she says as her crying slowly subsides.

"Never. You love her," he states with vindication.

"I do love her... and miss her. But I love her enough to know that she's better off with them."

"Why would you think that? She tell you that?" He presses.

"Look at me Quinn I'm a mess! She's... she's going to hate me! I should just give her a head start."

"No she's not!"

"Yes she is!"

"She loves you Carrie. I can see it. It's not what you do or don't do. All you have to do is be there."

She shakes her head.

"My mom left you know. Didn't even say goodbye. And you know what, she didn't come back for a reason."

He's blindsided by her confession.

"You know what?"

"What?"

"That's her loss."

She's never viewed her mom's disappearance from this angle before.

"You know my ex told me something, before I left her and my son for my work. Something that keeps coming to mind more and more. She told me that we choose the life we think we deserve. And... she's right! I chose me and I didn't think I deserved them. Now it's too late. I bet... I bet your mom is just too ashamed to see you."

Her sobbing becomes more hysterical again.

"I just... I just want Stella to be happy."

"It's a choice Carrie! It's not too late for you! Believe me when I tell you there is not a bigger regret I have, than the mistake I made when I left my son."

His statement hits her hard. She can see the pain in his face.

"I want to see her though," she cries.

"Then do it!" He pleads with her to make a decision.

She closes her eyes for a few moments and shakes her head up and down. After a minute or so she wipes her eyes and takes out her phone to text her sister.

_I'm going to Skype you guys tonight okay?_

She stares at her phone waiting for a response, but gets nothing. She's disappointed, but Maggie is clearly still upset with her. She and Quinn don't speak again until he reaches her hotel parking lot. As he prepares to exit the car she stops him. She's much more levelheaded when they arrive.

"Quinn... we need to talk about us."

He saw this coming a mile away.

"Okay," he agrees.

"I don't want you to hold on to false hope."

"I'm not," he claims.

She takes a deep breath.

"We... can't be together. I don't know what we are, but it's confusing for me. You've been so good to me when you didn't have to be, but I shouldn't have let myself. I know this means that you're going to leave, so."

He smiles and shakes his head.

"You're so sure."

"Quinn you and I both know that you never wanted to be here," she proclaims sharply.

"You're so sure I'll be leaving in the end huh?"

She starts becoming frustrated.

"You're only making this worse!"

"Worse? Because I won't leave? Because I want to stay!?"

"Worse because I like you too!" She accidentally blurts out and immediately after covers her mouth with her hand.

Quinn is wishing they weren't parked and still driving. That way he could intentionally drive the car off the road to make sure he wasn't having a dream.

"Fuck me," she says resting her head on the dash.

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just realized how that last line may sound. Carrie is talking to herself/out loud, not asking Quinn for sex lol.


	23. Trust your instincts

Monday April 21, 2014

This new mission, although inconvenient, was giving Carrie new light on who she was becoming professionally. A guide, a teacher, and everyone's mentor.

_A role model?_  She thinks

No matter what, everyone is looking to her for answers. Even though she may not have them all, it's the way she portrays herself that has them continuing to seek her insight. It was an evolution for one, one in which she rather enjoyed. Also a boost of confidence. The boost she needed to keep going.

* * *

7:00 p.m.

They've already made their rounds through Tel Aviv, Moscow, Almaty, and are now in Madrid, about to head to Paris. Quinn has been held up all day waiting to meet with their interrogation specialists, and finally finds the time to catch a smoke break. He had quit for a while, but just recently started the habit again. Just as he lights it up, he sees Carrie coming his way.

"You got an extra one of those?" She asks.

"Maybe," he teases.

"Quinn please," she asks nicely.

"Fine," he says handing one over. "Since when did you start smoking?"

"Since when did you start again?"

They both drop the topic all together. They've been working together for three weeks straight, but they've kept it strickly professional. Quinn decides he wants to go fishing.

"So... uh long day I take it?"

"Yes. To say the least," she keeps it short.

"So off to Paris tomorrow. You ever been?"

"Yeah," she says rather confused by his latest question.

_You idiot! So fucking stupid! Of course she has been there!_

"Have uh you?" She asks.

"No no. I mean yes. I mean France yes. I was... working," he stop realizing that everything coming out of his mouth is sounding more and more foolish.

"Oh," she now realizes he is trying to just make small talk.

"So how's Stella?"

"She's good! Thank you for asking. I sent her something for Easter. I hope she got it yesterday."

"I bet she loved it."

"So I have to get back in there."

"Oh right. Me too," he snaps out of it.

"See you on the plane in the morning?"

"Yeah."

* * *

Tuesday April 22, 2014 4:00 p.m.

"Carrie why haven't there been any arrests made?" Fara asks.

"Not just yet Fara. We need to keep them from tipping each other off," Carrie informs her.

"All at once? Seems like a lot. What if something happens between now and then."

"My life is 'what ifs'. Just try to back me on this."

Fara seems to agree.

"So how many prospects are we looking at here?" Carrie asks as Fara is sifting through the latest profiles.

"Twelve."

"Holy shit! At least they've doubled their security since."

"I know. We're doing our best Carrie."

Carrie sighs.

"I know. I appreciate it, really."

"You ready to go meet with him?"

"Yup. Let's go."

They meet with another Station chief once again and spill their knowledge.

* * *

Wednesday April 23, 2013 3:00 p.m.

"Hey guys check this out!" Max says getting the attention of the rest of the team.

They hover of the computer and pick up what Max is seeing. A pending transaction is happening within blocks of the embassy.

"Should we go after him?" Gina suggests.

"No. Just see what happens," Fara insists.

Carrie wagers the offer.

"You know what? No. Let's do it." Carrie says.

"Really?" Julian asks.

"You're going to go?" Quinn asks Carrie.

"No. We'll watch from here. I want to see what you guys can do."

Carrie hands Julian and Gina their earpieces and a camera, and briefs them before they take off.

"Can you set up the cameras Max?" Carrie asks.

"Already on it. We're on in 3, 2, 1."

The picture is a little fuzzy at first, but the error dissolves in a few seconds.

"Can you guys hear us?" Quinn asks.

"We can, we're a block away," Julian responds.

Fara was a bit doubtful about the situation the young agents were in, but quickly jumps on board after seeing the support Carrie and Quinn were giving them. She puts on a headset herself and joins in on the action.

"The transaction is over, he might be on the move," Carrie communicates.

"We're on it," Gina says.

They watch intensely as Julian and Gina finally spot him.

"He's entering the shop up here Carrie. Should we go in?"

"Go buy something in there. Julian stay outside and order a coffee from that vendor."

They acknowledge their orders and do as they're asked. Quinn is itching to make a call, bit keeps his lips sealed. Gina proceeds to purchase a bottled water and sees her suspect approaching another suspicious person.

"You seeing this Carrie?"

"Keep it together just wait... Wait where is he going?"

Quinn finally meddles his way in.

"Julian there's a back entrance. Go up a block and make two rights. It's the only way back there."

Carrie widens her eyes at him and covers her microphone.

"Quinn?"

"I've been there before, trust me."

"Gina follow him. Julian will meet you out back," she says uncovering her mic.

"I'm on it!"

They watch as Julian reaches his destination and makes eye contact with the men. Julian was no one to mess around with. At 6'6" 225 lbs he'd be a problem for anyone who crossed paths with him.

The picture is shaky and the noise is then muffled as the two take down their suspects.

"We got em' you guys," Carrie can hear her proteges saying.

"I'll send a car we'll be right there guys," Quinn says making his way out.

"Stay where you are," Carrie says. "Good... Good job guys."

* * *

8:00 p.m.

Carrie has watched the two interrogate with Quinn all night, where Quinn mostly just watches. He walks out and allows them to finish the job.

"Where did Fara and Max go?" He asks.

"Back to the hotel. Max said just leave the monitor on."

"Oh. Was it just me or did she seem upset about what you were doing."

"No. She was fine with it. I guess she's been around me too much. This isn't something I'd usually do."

"Let someone help you?" He says too quickly to take it back. Remarkably, she grins at his statement.

"Yeah."

"Well we might be here a bit longer. You want me to get some food?"

"Sure."

He glances at her chest before leaving.

"Nice necklace," he says walking out before she can answer.

She's worn it everyday since Fara got it for her birthday a couple weeks ago, but he hasn't said anything until today. He didn't even say Happy Birthday or anything for that matter. Although they'd only seen each other a few minutes that day he had to have known.

He arrives back within a half an hour with authentic French cuisine for four.

"Why all the food?" She asks.

He points to the monitor.

"Oh. Right... How did Fara know when my birthday was?" She digs.

His expression is quite guilty.

"You told her didn't you?"

"Yes," he admits with a shy, high pitched tone. She is starting to figure this out.

"You remembered from when you looked at my medical chart."

"Well actually it's on your passport," he corrects her.

"Quinn when I said I needed some time, it wasn't an invitation to go buy me some jewelry!"

She puts her hand through her hair and takes a glimpse at the monitor where Gina and Julian are starring straight at the camera.

_Shit my mic!_  She tears it off her face immediately. She picks it off the ground to say one more thing.

"Keep going!"

She paces around the room as Quinn continues to unpack the food.

"I like it," she finally says and turns to him. But his eyes are elsewhere. Gina and Julian have finally gotten them to talk. They confess that they were working with Abass, but more importantly they also blurt out who the boss is.

"Holy shit!" Quinn shouts.

It was a success! Her entire plan was spot on and no one was there to tell her she was wrong. She knew they'd accomplished more in six months, then some Station chiefs had done in their entire career.

* * *

9:00 p.m.

Dinner is awkward. They'd heard everything that Carrie had said, so she puts the attention on them.

"So you guys ready tomorrow? I'm going to have the two of you do the conference call with Lockhart."

"Okay," Gina agrees accordingly.

"Easy enough," Julian adds.

Carrie bits her lip as she watches Quinn speak with them about what comes next. He was never going to leave, and the truth was she didn't want him to.

"Let's all get back to the hotel. It's going to be another long one tomorrow," she says.

* * *

10:00 p.m.

Julian and Gina make it to their own rooms, with business being discussed all the way to the door. As the say goodnight, Carrie and Quinn head to there's. Quinn's room is first and Carrie walks right on by without a word. As she hears him fumbling with his key she turns around.

"Wait," she says.

"Yeah," he lets out just after he inserts the key.

"Thank you," she says getting closer.

"Carrie. I-"

She places her pointer finger on his lips.

"I dragged you through the mud Quinn. I did. We can't deny that."

He glances to the side, then back at her, informally agreeing with her.

"You're- you're all I have Carrie," he says with everything he's got

She can see the loneliness in his eyes and the pain he held onto for giving up on what he could have had. This had been her at some point and maybe even a little bit now that she felt the same. She didn't want to think about it, not for the moment anyway.

"I know," she says brushing the side of his cheek with her hand.

He leans in for a kiss with no hesitation. She reciprocates and grabs the back of his head and he drives his tongue deep into her mouth, until she pulls back. He stares for a second not knowing what she was going to say.

"Not here," she says grabbing him by the hand and pulling him down the hall to her room.

She enters quickly and throws her stuff right by the door. He walks in and looks around for a minute, and gingerly places his bags on the chair. As soon as he drops them, she's already standing next to him, with her jacket already on the floor.

Quinn's shirt goes first and she traces every muscles . First with her hands, then with mouth and slowly makes her way to the buckle. He stops her, lifts her up along with her shirt over her head, and meets her mouth again. This time for several minutes, inching their way over towards the bed. He sets her gently on the mattress while she slips out of her pants and he strips down to his boxers, then joins her on the bed.

"Your phone is ringing," he says briefly parting his lips from her neck.

"Yeah," she says completely ignoring it.

She slips a hand into his boxers and he knows she wants more.

"Wait," he says pulling her hand away.

Quinn quickly unclasps her bra and tosses to the floor and moves his mouth from her breasts to her navel, until she tugs his hair to stop him when he almost reaches her scar just above her pantie line. The scar that remains from her cesarean.

He looks up for a second to see how nervous she is, but then continues what he is doing and kisses the scar. She's relived by his lack of disruption and loosely runs her hands through his hair while he continues, when they're interrupted by her phone again. A distraction that was completely bothering her.

"Ugh."

He stops with that said and she gets off to turn it off, holding the power button and not checking who the caller is. He watches her every move as she was only in her panties.

_God she's beautiful._  He thinks.

She soon after joins him on the bed again, this time motioning for him to stay on his back. The kissing begins again slowly, but speeds up when Carrie begins grinding against his boxers.

In an instant he flips her over, moves his mouth to her neck and slips his hand between her thighs, inserting a finger into in the process. It stops her in her tracks and she gasps when he adds another and slowly slides them in and out. She arches her hips and moves in sync with his now thrusting fingers.

"Yes, yes," she lets out in between moans.

Just as thinks he predicts she's about to go over the edge, he removes his fingers from her, and slips her panties off as well. His boxers come straight after and he has a moment to take her in.

"God you're beautiful," he says finally vocalizing his earlier thoughts.

She smiles and halfway sits up to pull him down on top of her. He keeps his balance while placing both palms on the side of her head, and smiles before slowly entering her. They take their time and are in no rush at all.

It's drawn out, but pleasurable. The passion in his eyes is genuine as he's the person in her life who knows more about her than anyone else. Every aspect. He's in fact the only man she's been with that knows more about her, than she knows about him. The thought of that alone makes her want him even more.

She finally wraps her legs around him, just above his ass, inviting him to move even closer. He drives into her with the last few penetrating thrusts until she climaxes with him following shortly after.

They begin to catch their formally shallow breaths and he plants a kiss on her lips. He shifts to his side, pulls out of her and rubs her back with one hand while holding her close with the other, occasionally kissing her shoulder blade.

"I'll never leave you", he whispers.

She smiles and turns her head.

"I know."

She places her hand on his, which is protectively placed around her torso and drifts off for a moment. After about 10 minutes she can no longer fight the urge to pee.

"I'll be right back," she tells him putting on only her shirt.

As soon as she shuts the door, he slips on his boxers heads to the balcony to smoke a cigarette. When she exits, she sees him through the glass and grabs her phone and joins him. She gladly accepts the cigarette he hands her and lights up.

"Hang on Quinn I'm just going to check my messages."

She calls her voicemail which announces 14 new messages.

_What the fuck!_  She thinks

'First voice message:  _Carrie! Carrie it's Maggie! They were in_   _a car accident! Stella and dad they-'_

She refuses to keep listening and allows the rest of the message to continue to play as she loosely holds the phone to her side and hangs up, dropping the cigarette right out of her hand. Silent as she is, her heart can't take it, she can't even recognize herself breathing. She's trembling and shaking, and Quinn only notices when he takes his eyes of the city's view.

"Carrie?"

She not crying, screaming, or anything. Nothing, she's frozen. But he can see the fear burning in her eyes.

"I have to leave," she cries and takes off.

He knows it was something from her voicemail. Something happened. He had no idea what, but he let her go no questioned asked.

 


	24. My everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... There's a cliffhanger...

Monday April 21, 2014

This new mission, although inconvenient, was giving Carrie new light on who she was becoming professionally. A guide, a teacher, and everyone's mentor.

_A role model?_  She thinks

No matter what, everyone is looking to her for answers. Even though she may not have them all, it's the way she portrays herself that has them continuing to seek her insight. It was an evolution for one, one in which she rather enjoyed. Also a boost of confidence. The boost she needed to keep going.

* * *

7:00 p.m.

They've already made their rounds through Tel Aviv, Moscow, Almaty, and are now in Madrid, about to head to Paris. Quinn has been held up all day waiting to meet with their interrogation specialists, and finally finds the time to catch a smoke break. He had quit for a while, but just recently started the habit again. Just as he lights it up, he sees Carrie coming his way.

"You got an extra one of those?" She asks.

"Maybe," he teases.

"Quinn please," she asks nicely.

"Fine," he says handing one over. "Since when did you start smoking?"

"Since when did you start again?"

They both drop the topic all together. They've been working together for three weeks straight, but they've kept it strickly professional. Quinn decides he wants to go fishing.

"So... uh long day I take it?"

"Yes. To say the least," she keeps it short.

"So off to Paris tomorrow. You ever been?"

"Yeah," she says rather confused by his latest question.

_You idiot! So fucking stupid! Of course she has been there!_

"Have uh you?" She asks.

"No no. I mean yes. I mean France yes. I was... working," he stop realizing that everything coming out of his mouth is sounding more and more foolish.

"Oh," she now realizes he is trying to just make small talk.

"So how's Stella?"

"She's good! Thank you for asking. I sent her something for Easter. I hope she got it yesterday."

"I bet she loved it."

"So I have to get back in there."

"Oh right. Me too," he snaps out of it.

"See you on the plane in the morning?"

"Yeah."

* * *

Tuesday April 22, 2014 4:00 p.m.

"Carrie why haven't there been any arrests made?" Fara asks.

"Not just yet Fara. We need to keep them from tipping each other off," Carrie informs her.

"All at once? Seems like a lot. What if something happens between now and then."

"My life is 'what ifs'. Just try to back me on this."

Fara seems to agree.

"So how many prospects are we looking at here?" Carrie asks as Fara is sifting through the latest profiles.

"Twelve."

"Holy shit! At least they've doubled their security since."

"I know. We're doing our best Carrie."

Carrie sighs.

"I know. I appreciate it, really."

"You ready to go meet with him?"

"Yup. Let's go."

They meet with another Station chief once again and spill their knowledge.

* * *

Wednesday April 23, 2013 3:00 p.m.

"Hey guys check this out!" Max says getting the attention of the rest of the team.

They hover of the computer and pick up what Max is seeing. A pending transaction is happening within blocks of the embassy.

"Should we go after him?" Gina suggests.

"No. Just see what happens," Fara insists.

Carrie wagers the offer.

"You know what? No. Let's do it." Carrie says.

"Really?" Julian asks.

"You're going to go?" Quinn asks Carrie.

"No. We'll watch from here. I want to see what you guys can do."

Carrie hands Julian and Gina their earpieces and a camera, and briefs them before they take off.

"Can you set up the cameras Max?" Carrie asks.

"Already on it. We're on in 3, 2, 1."

The picture is a little fuzzy at first, but the error dissolves in a few seconds.

"Can you guys hear us?" Quinn asks.

"We can, we're a block away," Julian responds.

Fara was a bit doubtful about the situation the young agents were in, but quickly jumps on board after seeing the support Carrie and Quinn were giving them. She puts on a headset herself and joins in on the action.

"The transaction is over, he might be on the move," Carrie communicates.

"We're on it," Gina says.

They watch intensely as Julian and Gina finally spot him.

"He's entering the shop up here Carrie. Should we go in?"

"Go buy something in there. Julian stay outside and order a coffee from that vendor."

They acknowledge their orders and do as they're asked. Quinn is itching to make a call, bit keeps his lips sealed. Gina proceeds to purchase a bottled water and sees her suspect approaching another suspicious person.

"You seeing this Carrie?"

"Keep it together just wait... Wait where is he going?"

Quinn finally meddles his way in.

"Julian there's a back entrance. Go up a block and make two rights. It's the only way back there."

Carrie widens her eyes at him and covers her microphone.

"Quinn?"

"I've been there before, trust me."

"Gina follow him. Julian will meet you out back," she says uncovering her mic.

"I'm on it!"

They watch as Julian reaches his destination and makes eye contact with the men. Julian was no one to mess around with. At 6'6" 225 lbs he'd be a problem for anyone who crossed paths with him.

The picture is shaky and the noise is then muffled as the two take down their suspects.

"We got em' you guys," Carrie can hear her proteges saying.

"I'll send a car we'll be right there guys," Quinn says making his way out.

"Stay where you are," Carrie says. "Good... God job guys."

* * *

8:00 p.m.

Carrie has watched the two interrogate with Quinn all night, where Quinn mostly just watches. He walks out and allows them to finish the job.

"Where did Fara and Max go?" He asks.

"Back to the hotel. Max said just leave the monitor on."

"Oh. Was it just me or did she seem upset about what you were doing."

"No. She was fine with it. I guess she's been around me too much. This isn't something I'd usually do."

"Let someone help you?" He says too quickly to take it back. Remarkably, she grins at his statement.

"Yeah."

"Well we might be here a bit longer. You want me to get some food?"

"Sure."

He glances at her chest before leaving.

"Nice necklace," he says walking out before she can answer.

She's worn it everyday since Fara got it for her birthday a couple weeks ago, but he hasn't said anything until today. He didn't even say Happy Birthday or anything for that matter. Although they'd only seen each other a few minutes that day he had to have known.

He arrives back within a half an hour with authentic French cuisine for four.

"Why all the food?" She asks.

He points to the monitor.

"Oh. Right... How did Fara know when my birthday was?" She digs.

His expression is quite guilty.

"You told her didn't you?"

"Yes," he admits with a shy, high pitched tone. She is starting to figure this out.

"You remembered from when you looked at my medical chart."

"Well actually it's on your passport," he corrects her.

"Quinn when I said I needed some time, it wasn't an invitation to go buy me some jewelry!"

She puts her hand through her hair and takes a glimpse at the monitor where Gina and Julian are starring straight at the camera.

_Shit my mic!_  She tears it off her face immediately. She picks it off the ground to say one more thing.

"Keep going!"

She paces around the room as Quinn continues to unpack the food.

"I like it," she finally says and turns to him. But his eyes are elsewhere. Gina and Julian have finally gotten them to talk. They confess that they were working with Abass, but more importantly they also blurt out who the boss is.

"Holy shit!" Quinn shouts.

It was a success! Her entire plan was spot on and no one was there to tell her she was wrong. She knew they'd accomplished more in six months, then some Station chiefs had done in their entire career.

* * *

9:00 p.m.

Dinner is awkward. They'd heard everything that Carrie had said, so she puts the attention on them.

"So you guys ready tomorrow? I'm going to have the two of you do the conference call with Lockhart."

"Okay," Gina agrees accordingly.

"Easy enough," Julian adds.

Carrie bits her lip as she watches Quinn speak with them about what comes next. He was never going to leave, and the truth was she didn't want him to.

"Let's all get back to the hotel. It's going to be another long one tomorrow," she says.

* * *

10:00 p.m.

Julian and Gina make it to their own rooms, with business being discussed all the way to the door. As the say goodnight, Carrie and Quinn head to there's. Quinn's room is first and Carrie walks right on by without a word. As she hears him fumbling with his key she turns around.

"Wait," she says.

"Yeah," he lets out just after he inserts the key.

"Thank you," she says getting closer.

"Carrie. I-"

She places her pointer finger on his lips.

"I dragged you through the mud Quinn. I did. We can't deny that."

He glances to the side, then back at her, informally agreeing with her.

"You're- you're all I have Carrie," he says with everything he's got

She can see the loneliness in his eyes and the pain he held onto for giving up on what he could have had. This had been her at some point and maybe even a little bit now that she felt the same. She didn't want to think about it, not for the moment anyway.

"I know," she says brushing the side of his cheek with her hand.

He leans in for a kiss with no hesitation. She reciprocates and grabs the back of his head and he drives his tongue deep into her mouth, until she pulls back. He stares for a second not knowing what she was going to say.

"Not here," she says grabbing him by the hand and pulling him down the hall to her room.

She enters quickly and throws her stuff right by the door. He walks in and looks around for a minute, and gingerly places his bags on the chair. As soon as he drops them, she's already standing next to him, with her jacket already on the floor.

Quinn's shirt goes first and she traces every muscles . First with her hands, then with mouth and slowly makes her way to the buckle. He stops her, lifts her up along with her shirt over her head, and meets her mouth again. This time for several minutes, inching their way over towards the bed. He sets her gently on the mattress while she slips out of her pants and he strips down to his boxers, then joins her on the bed.

"Your phone is ringing," he says briefly parting his lips from her neck.

"Yeah," she says completely ignoring it.

She slips a hand into his boxers and he knows she wants more.

"Wait," he says pulling her hand away.

Quinn quickly unclasps her bra and tosses to the floor and moves his mouth from her breasts to her navel, until she tugs his hair to stop him when he almost reaches her scar just above her pantie line. The scar that remains from her cesarean.

He looks up for a second to see how nervous she is, but then continues what he is doing and kisses the scar. She's relived by his lack of disruption and loosely runs her hands through his hair while he continues, when they're interrupted by her phone again. A distraction that was completely bothering her.

"Ugh."

He stops with that said and she gets off to turn it off, holding the power button and not checking who the caller is. He watches her every move as she was only in her panties.

_God she's beautiful._  He thinks.

She soon after joins him on the bed again, this time motioning for him to stay on his back. The kissing begins again slowly, but speeds up when Carrie begins grinding against his boxers.

In an instant he flips her over, moves his mouth to her neck and slips his hand between her thighs, inserting a finger into in the process. It stops her in her tracks and she gasps when he adds another and slowly slides them in and out. She arches her hips and moves in sync with his now thrusting fingers.

"Yes, yes," she lets out in between moans.

Just as thinks he predicts she's about to go over the edge, he removes his fingers from her, and slips her panties off as well. His boxers come straight after and he has a moment to take her in.

"God you're beautiful," he says finally vocalizing his earlier thoughts.

She smiles and halfway sits up to pull him down on top of her. He keeps his balance while placing both palms on the side of her head, and smiles before slowly entering her. They take their time and are in no rush at all.

It's drawn out, but pleasurable. The passion in his eyes is genuine as he's the person in her life who knows more about her than anyone else. Every aspect. He's in fact the only man she's been with that knows more about her, than she knows about him. The thought of that alone makes her want him even more.

She finally wraps her legs around him, just above his ass, inviting him to move even closer. He drives into her with the last few penetrating thrusts until she climaxes with him following shortly after.

They begin to catch their formally shallow breaths and he plants a kiss on her lips. He shifts to his side, pulls out of her and rubs her back with one hand while holding her close with the other, occasionally kissing her shoulder blade.

"I'll never leave you", he whispers.

She smiles and turns her head.

"I know."

She places her hand on his, which is protectively placed around her torso and drifts off for a moment. After about 10 minutes she can no longer fight the urge to pee.

"I'll be right back," she tells him putting on only her shirt.

As soon as she shuts the door, he slips on his boxers heads to the balcony to smoke a cigarette. When she exits, she sees him through the glass and grabs her phone and joins him. She gladly accepts the cigarette he hands her and lights up.

"Hang on Quinn I'm just going to check my messages."

She calls her voicemail which announces 14 new messages.

_What the fuck!_  She thinks

'First voice message:  _Carrie! Carrie it's Maggie! They were in_   _a car accident! Stella and dad they-'_

She refuses to keep listening and allows the rest of the message to continue to play as she loosely holds the phone to her side and hangs up, dropping the cigarette right out of her hand. Silent as she is, her heart can't take it, she can't even recognize herself breathing. She's trembling and shaking, and Quinn only notices when he takes his eyes of the city's view.

"Carrie?"

She not crying, screaming, or anything. Nothing, she's frozen. But he can see the fear burning in her eyes.

"I have to leave," she cries and takes off.

He knows it was something from her voicemail. Something happened. He had no idea what, but he let her go no questioned asked.

 


	25. Pink bunny

Thursday April 24, 2014 12:30 a.m.

_Thud. Thud. Thud._

She can finally feel her heart beating and it hurts. It's falling out all over again. The pain is manifesting every bit of her, but she still can't listen to that message, she has to go see for herself. The anger and guilt are now taking over, coursing its way to every appendage. The flight attendant can even tell.

"Do you need anything?" The woman asks her delicately.

 _A fucking shot. No a_ _fucking bottle! Anything to take this away._

"Water," she says barely speaking.

She scatters the pills in her palm and stares at them even when her water arrives, and eventually sets them on them in the nook of the tray in front of her. Her phone had stopped ringing. Why? She takes the pills slowly, first a pain killer, then two lithium. Her throat feels constricted again, like she's rejecting them. The bottle of water is her only friend right now and she takes full advantage.

She's then disgusted, feels sick. No really sick. She runs to the back of the cabin, finds to bathroom, and proceeds to throw up the pills. The mirror in front of her is now the only thing in her view, letting her know that everything right now is real. It's happening.

_Ring. Ring. Ring._

She's left the phone in her pocket.

_Fuck!_

_Ring. Ring. Ring._

It's Maggie again.

_You have to pick it up. You have to._

"Hello," she murmurs.

"Thank god Carrie. Carrie?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Carrie did you get my messages? Stella and dad they were-"

"Accident," is all she can say cutting her off.

"Carrie dad just went into surgery and Stella-"

"Is she- she?" She chokes out to the best of her ability.

"They're still checking her out now. That's all I know," Maggie finishes, finally catching her breath. "Where- where are you?"

"I'm on a plane, I'll be there," Carrie says as the tears begin to form.

"Okay were at Georgetown. Here comes the ER doctor. I got to go. Call the hospital, they need consent."

Ten deeps breaths are taken before she can even do it, but she dials the hospital knowing it's the best thing for Stella for her to be okay.

"Hi-"

"Yes. Hello? Ma'am are you still there?"

There's a along pause.

"Ye- yes. My daughter was brought there," she says struggling to take any breaths.

"Patient's name?"

"St- Stella Mathison."

The station nurse checks the files.

"Okay ma'am it's hospital policy that we cannot give you any information over the phone. Does she have another relative that is here?"

"Maggie. Maggie Mathison is my sister," she says hoping that will ring a bell.

"Oh yes, Maggie. We need your permission for her to make some decisions if we need her to. Can you confirm that for me?"

"She does."

"Okay now I have that recorded. We're going to take good care of her alright?"

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

"We're about to get ready for take off, all passengers must be in their seats," the flight attendant says.

"Thank you," she says to the nurse before hanging up.

"Ma'am!"

She stares into the mirror before she exits.

"Ma'am-," the attendant says once again as Carrie opens the door.

She looks tired, her face is beat red from crying and she smells like vomit, but the flight attendant does't say a word as Carrie quickly runs past her to get to her seat.

 _They're alive!_ She thinks sinking into her seat.

* * *

8:00 am

"Fara I need to speak with you," Quinn says while pulling her away from Max.

"Oh okay."

"Come in here," he says while shutting the door behind her.

"Quinn?"

"Carrie went home," he says bluntly.

"She what? Now?"

"Fara something happened. Something bad. Listen to this."

He plays a message from Maggie urging him to let Carrie know she is trying to contact her.

"Wow. Do you know what happened?"

"No," he says bitterly. "I don't."

"Do you think-"

"Fara we might have to pull this whole operation."

"No. We can't do that. We're too far into this. And Carrie-"

"She's gone Fara... Unless... unless you take over."

"Are you going to call her?"

"She still on a plane."

* * *

5:00 a.m. (D.C. time)

Carrie races into the hospital now after a long flight, determined to see Stella. She finds Maggie in the main lobby with her hands holding her head as she looks down.

"Maggie?"

"Carrie," she looks up with a loss of words.

Carrie waits for a response.

"She's going to be okay," Maggie spits out. "They have her in room 249."

Carrie begins heading straight towards the elevator, but quickly turns around to ask about her father.

"How's dad?" She asks with caution.

"Maggie removes her hands from her face once again.

"He in a coma Carrie!"

She begins pacing after hearing the news and practically pulls the hair out of her head as she runs her hand through it.

"Fuck! Fuck! How did this happen Maggie?"

Maggie fights her way through to explain the situation again.

"He had a heart attack and hit a pole!" Maggie says still hysterical.

Carrie has a hard time processing everything, but is aching to see Stella.

"I'm going to go see her!"

* * *

She walks down the hall of the second floor anxiously seeking out room 249. As she walks in the night nurse tries to turn her away.

"There's no visiting at these hours."

"I'm her mother," she says.

"I'm sorry. Please come in. I forgot they said you'd be coming."

She sees Stella sleeping peacefully with the pink bunny she sent her, surprising given that her leg is heavily bandaged making Carrie cringe.

"They had to stitch her leg after she was cut by a piece of glass," the nurse explains.

Carrie attempts to wake her by giving her a kiss, with no results.

"They just got her to sleep at 2, but I have to take blood work."

Carrie nods and knows what's coming for Stella and this time successfully wakes her. She flutters her eyelashes slowly and doesn't quite realize that Carrie is there yet. Carrie smiles while uncontrollably laughing in the fact that she realizes that Stella is really okay. The baby picks up the laughter.

"Ma-ma," Stella mumbles faintly after spotting her.

Carrie's stunned what she has just said, but the laughter continues as Stella looks at her. She's now simultaneously crying with her hand over her mouth, attempting to stifle the outburst. She finally gets it together as the nurse prepares the needle and holds her close. Stella's smiling face quickly disappears as the needle pierces through her arm.

"Shhhhh it's okay, it's almost over," she tries to soothe the crying.

After it's over Stella whimpers, never taking her eyes off Carrie.

The nurse notices the baby's gaze.

"She has beautiful eyes," the nurse comments.

"Thank you," Carrie says accepting the comment with pride.

"Such a brave little girl too," she adds.

"I'm going to sleep here," Carrie informs her.

"Oh yes. We have pillows and blankets down the hall. I'll be right back."

As soon as the nurse returns she finds both Stella and Carrie sleeping, not letting go of one another's hands.

* * *

9:00 a.m.

Carrie is awaken by the doctor who is seemingly playing peek-a-boo with Stella. He notices her waking up and immediately switches to professional mode.

"Oh excellent you're awake."

"Sorry about that," Carrie says rubbing her eyes

"No no it's fine. So your daughter is doing well, taking to the antibiotics and should be ready to be discharged today," he explains with optimism.

She's elated with the news, but remembers who else was there.

"Shit... I'll be back."

"Okayyy," he says as she hurries out.

Carrie heads to the ICU very unprepared for Franks condition. When she makes it to his room, she's even more upset.

He's banged up badly, hardly recognizable. There's nothing she can do except talk, hoping that he'll hear her.

"I'm so sorry dad," she cries while resting her head on the bed next to his hand. "I love you so much!"

She sits in their for a good hour and gets a full report from the physician assistant. He tells her the biggest puzzler in the entire situation is that they strongly believe that his heart attack occurred after the crash.

* * *

12:00 p.m.

"Maggie you need to go home," Carrie tells her.

"I can't Carrie I need to work in an hour."

"You're not working today. Come on I'll pick up the girls from Julie's. You can sleep in the car."

"What are we going to do Carrie?"

"I don't know Maggie. I don't know," she says with a frown.

* * *

1:00 p.m.

The doctors finally discharge Stella and Carrie drops Maggie off at the house first so that she can get some much needed rest. She picks up the confused Josie and Ruby, and drives back to the house.

"Is Stella going to be okay?" Josie asks.

"Yeah stupid that's why they let her go home," Ruby shouts from the front seat.

"Hey hey now," Carrie says trying to break it up.

"I'm not stupid. You're stupid!" Josie screams.

"Shut up!"

"No you shut up!"

"Girls! Please!" Carrie interrupts.

"Sorry aunt Carrie," they both apologize.

It's rather silent for a few moments.

"Is grandpa going to be okay?" Ruby asks hopeful.

"I hope so sweetie. I hope so."

Carrie's trying to focus on getting the three girls back home, but can't help but notice the car that has been behind her since she's left Julie's. It's quite a distance back, but she's squinting hard to identify the driver through the heavily tinted windows.

She pulls onto Maggie's street and pulls over to see if they'll follow. Her instincts must be off, because they do not turn down the street.

_Huh?_

"Aunt Carrie can we go?" Ruby asks.

"Yeah yeah sorry."

She takes the kids out of the car and turns around just for a moment before walking up the steps. Sure enough, the same car comes from the opposite direction, quickly speeding by.


	26. Carrie doesn't know

 

Thursday April 24, 2014 3:00 p.m. (D.C.) 9:00 p.m. (Paris)

Stella has fallen asleep during the car ride, and Carrie has requested that it was best for the girls to go outside while their mother sleeps. She finally has a chance to look at her phone.

Quinn has called, twice. He left no messages, but she understood why. She knew that he didn't want to ask and say all the wrong things. He always put her before himself, something she loved but was sometimes annoyed with at the same time, but she knows that she must call him back.

He waits with patience by his phone, knowing that eventually she'll call. There hasn't been a second all day that he hasn't thought about her. He misses her too.

 _She's_   _calling_!

"Hello Carrie?"

"Yeah, It's me," she says in a tone giving no indication of the situation.

_Damn it! She's making me ask her!_

"Is everything... okay?"

He's right. She secretly loves when he asks her how she's doing.

"There was an accident... Stella's okay Quinn, but my dad... he..." She pauses trying her best to contain her emotions.

He takes a gulp and waits nervously.

"...I don't know if he's going to be okay," she says sobbing.

"Hey hey."

"I don't know when I'll be back. I have to call Lockhart. I-"

"We've got this here, don't worry about us... you've got enough going on as it is," he assures her. "We'll, I'll call him for you. Stay home until you need to."

She smiles and with that said, she feels a huge weight lifted off her shoulders.

"Quinn seriously thank you! If you guys need anything really-"

"Carrie forget about us. We've got it all taken care of. Go be a mom."

She thinks about how this man can be so caring towards her and how he does whatever she asks. Because he has no one else? At least that what he has told her and she believes him. She's not exactly sure what he means to her yet, but she's definitely enjoying his company and loves the simple things about him. It scares her though that he probably loves her. What was his threshold with her?

"I will," she accepts.

He's spellbound and feels silly. Never in a million years did he think anything close to this would happen to him. On multiple occasions he had taunted his co-workers for "settling" with one person, but he's just getting a feel for it and can't get enough. His routine was tampered with the day he met her, but he has no intentions of looking back. He feels more like a person now than what he really is, a killer.

But he also knows he's walking on cracked glass and if he's not too careful, he'll fall right through. And then he has those painful thoughts in the very back of his head, turning them away if they start to resurface.  _Was she only fucking me because she thinks it's the only way I'll stick around? Because she just wants to fuck anybody? Does she care about me at all? Is it all a lie?_  Even if they did come up in his head they were only thoughts, but he wasn't sure how he'd handle them if they were actually true.

"Carrie I uh... I..."

_Motherfuck what is he going to say?_

"...I hope everything goes well."

She closes her eyes and breathes a sigh of relief.

"Yeah me too... we'll talk later?" She says referring to the two of them.

"Yeah."

* * *

5:00 p.m.

"Carrie what are you doing?" Maggie asks.

"Oh you're up. Was I too loud?"

"You don't have to cook I'll do it. Where are the girls?"

"I made them discover the outdoors," she says chuckling.

"You can go hang out with Stella. I'll cook."

Carrie looks a little bit upset, and Maggie can't figure out why.

"Carrie? You going to?"

"She's frustrated Maggie. She can't figure out why her leg won't work."

"I know. I know you hate it. She'll heal Carrie," Maggie reminds her.

"She is the backyard in her walker watching the girls play. She's happy right now. I'll help you."

"Fine what are you making?"

"Spaghetti, The water is already boiling."

"Okay I'll go check on the girls then."

Maggie has been gone for a few minutes, so Carrie just starts prepping everything herself. As she's in the middle of chopping, the doorbell rings.

"Maggie? Maggie the door!"

She gets no answer and decides to get it herself. When she opens it her jaw completely drops, seeing the person in front of her.

"Hello Carrie," the older woman says.

Carrie shakes her head and adjusts her eyes to make sure it was really her. It must be a dream.

"M- mom?" She recognizes her, but it's been 17 years. Half of her life has gone by since then.

"I wanted to see you. All of you," she says as Carrie just stares at her speechless. Carrie can hear the footsteps behind her, but does not move. She starts to feel Maggie's enraged breath from behind her.

"Get the fuck off of my porch!" Maggie shouts.

"Mag-"

"I'm not fucking kidding!" She says while dragging Carrie away from the door and proceeds to slam it.

"Are you okay?" She asks Carrie, slightly shaking her.

"Yeah," she answers smiling, but still panicky.

Maggie then reveals something Carrie doesn't know.

"She came by 5 years ago Carrie. Bill was here with the girls, she saw them! She never told him who she was, but I know it was her."

"Oh," she's still stunned.

"She will leave. She's not welcome here! Just forget about it okay," Maggie validates, irritably rambling on.

Maggie looks out the window to see if she is gone, which she is.

"Come on, let's go get the girls."

"Oh Okay."

* * *

9:30 p.m.

It's been strange all night since. Carrie wants to talk it about with Maggie, but knows that's not an option because she won't. Maggie literally hated the woman and no amount of redemption was acceptable in her eyes. But Carrie can't help but wonder if that could have been her in 17 years. What if she left and did the same thing to Stella? Would Stella turn her away like that? It isn't a good time for this with their father being in the hospital, so she keeps it all in. Besides it wasn't as if they could bring it up in front of the girls.

"Hey let's talk," Maggie says as Carrie finally comes back down stairs after putting the kids to bed.

She knew it was imminent and takes a seat across the kitchen table.

"I'm sorry Maggie."

"Carrie-"

"No Maggie really… If I could explain to you, then I would."

"Where were you when I called you?"

_With Quinn._

"Paris."

Maggie is utterly confused.

"You were on vacation!?"

"No! I was working! I was almost-"

"Okay. Okay. I'm sorry that I freaked out on the phone. I probably scared the shit out of you," she apologizes as well.

"You did! If I go back to Istanbul, she'll come with me."

"If?"

"I don't know Maggie. I think a lot. But I'm not leaving here until dad is okay. I can work from here."

"Good."

Carrie excuses herself to pour some wine and fills the whole glass, not leaving any left.

"So what time do you work tomorrow Maggie?" She asks while reclaiming her seat.

"Ten", she says giving Carrie a funny look while she sips her wine.

"Okay. I figure if we get the hospital at eight, then you can watch Stella when I see dad. Sound good?" Maggie is still looking quite displeased. "Oh sorry do you want some? I can get you a glass."

"No," Maggie says solemnly.

"Seriously it's not a big deal Maggie, I'll get you a glass."

"No. I'm fine. Just fine... just. Carrie I'm pregnant."

"What? I didn't even know you were with someone!"

"It's Bill's! I'm twelve weeks. It happened right before I found out about him NOT going to that Superbowl party. That's when I caught him."

Carrie now feels even worse about leaving Stella than she did before.

"How come you didn't tell me?"

"I don't know, how come you didn't tell me!?" Maggie retorts.

She makes a point and Carrie knows it.

"So you're obviously keeping the baby. Who knows besides me?"

"Just you, dad and Bill. The girls don't know, so don't say anything. Bill was pissed at first saying I planned this without telling him, which I kind of did."

"You planned this?" Carrie seems unconvinced.

"Well I saw you with Stella. You know? I always wanted three and I wasn't getting any younger. But Bill is coming around I must say."

"Yeah," Carrie says slightly drifting from the conversation.

Even though it was racing through her mind at nearly a million miles an hour, she definitely couldn't bring up their mother now. If she did Maggie might just rip her head off.

* * *

Friday April 25, 2014 9:00 a.m. (Paris)

"Deputy director Lockhart," Fara answers, hoping that he was in a good mood.

"Hi Fara I have some news for you," he says sounding quite optimistic.

"Yes?"

"We've got sightings of your prime suspect. He was last seen in Moscow approximately one hour ago."

"This is... this is good. What are your plans?" She's now curious.

"We need Quinn, Peter Quinn."

"What exactly do you plan to do with him sir?"

"I'm afraid I cannot disclose any further details," he expresses firmly.

"Will a due respect sir, with Carrie tending to a family emergency, I was under the impression that I was in charge on her behalf?" She states bravely.

"I'm afraid that you've been misinformed. I will in fact be conducting the next plan of action. Send him with my men promptly, within 4 hours. I will give him full instructions from there."

Fara saves her breath and reluctantly agrees with him for the moment.

"Of course, right away."

* * *

11:00 a.m. (D.C.) 5:00 p.m. (Paris)

After visiting her father, and seeing that he was making some encouraging progress, Carrie decides to get some fresh air at her favorite park in D.C. Her mind was everywhere right now and it needed a little cleansing.

_Really he's calling already?_

"Hey Quinn," she says slightly annoyed.

"I'm in Germany Carrie."

"What!? Why?" She is now intrigued.

"I don't know yet. Lockhart made this call. I will let you know as soon as I do."

"Son of a Bit-," she stops when she sees Stella looking her way. "As soon as you know okay?"

"I will."

This phone call definitely wasn't helping.

"And Quinn be careful," she says genuinely concerned for his safety.

He smiles but hangs up before he might say something he regrets.

"That's your boyfriend I assume?" A voice says from a small distance away. She gets closer and continues. "It's nice of you to take Maggie's baby for the day", she adds smiling at Stella.

Carrie has so many questions. She wants so many answers. She's right here in front of her, but she caves into debriefing mode.

"How'd you find us Maura?"

"I'm a P.I. Carrie."


	27. The future

Friday April 25, 2014 11:15 a.m.

"I thought you were a cop?" Carrie quips.

"It was easier to tell you that."

Carrie shakes her head as Maura is already lying to her.

"You come here to lie some more?"

Maura ignores it and reaches in slowly to greet the baby, but Carrie isn't having it. She pulls the stroller back and protectively places her arm there to guard Stella.

"Please don't touch her! How do I know that you're not here to kidnap her!?" Carrie's now snaps as she says it loud enough so that others around them might hear her.

"Why would I kidnap Maggie's baby?"

She tries to do it again.

"I said don't touch my daughter!"

Maura is now quite entertained.

"Oh Carrie, you always were the comedian out of the two of you. You? My Carrie with a baby?"

"She's mine."

"If she's yours then why has she been with Maggie for the past few weeks?"

"You were watching them for that long?"

"Yeah right around that."

"Why do you even care? You left and now so am I!"

Carrie leaves it at that and turns around to leave. How could it be worse than it already was?

"I'm sorry Carrie! I didn't want to leave you!" Maura shouts from a short distance behind. "Why do you think I waited for you to leave for college? I left you a letter... telling you exactly where I was going."

Carrie comes to a halt, wondering what the hell she was talking about.

"You're lying!"

"No. Your father must have thrown it away."

"Leave him out of this! Please! By the way I have what he has. Ready to run now!?"

Maura does her best trying not to looked stunned at this revelation.

"No."

"Why are you even here?"

"Because I'm your mother."

Carrie huffs and contemplates just walking away again. She didn't need this right now, but her mother always found a way to manipulate her.

"What is this like your redemption plan or something?"

"I have my mistakes Carrie. I do. But you were never one of them. I... I want to make it up to you," Maura explains.

"I'm sorry, but I just don't know what you want me to say!" Carrie replies while turning her head. "What thanks for leaving and showing back up 17 years later?"

"You don't have to say anything. But... can you honestly tell me that you never wanted a second chance at something?"

Of course she did. She wanted a million things that had happened in her life to go differently. But Maura hasn't even realized how much of an impact her last statement has on Carrie.

A flash is going through her brain like lightning. Showing things in light that she wanted to keep in that dark forever. One of those images is Maura. Not how she looks now, but how Carrie remembered last seeing her, and then the painful image she created herself of her mother leaving and not giving a damn. But she's here now. Standing right in front of her asking for a do over, wanting to shutter the past.

Carrie gives her a sour look but answers.

"Of course," she answer in a high pitched tone, attempting to conceal what she's been through.

The older blonde woman takes another shot.

"Just come to lunch with me one time. That's all I'm asking," Maura begs.

"Yeah well you're asking a lot."

"I know, I know. But please!"

"I have a lot of stuff I have to do! And... and... dad is still recovering in the hospital!"

"What!? You should have told me. Is he going to be okay?"

"Look it's tomorrow or nothing," Carrie gives her an ultimatum.

"Tomorrow at Hal's cafe at 12," Maura says as Carrie walks away. "What about your number?"

Carrie waves behind her and keeps going.

* * *

8:00 p.m.

"And the puppy was never sad again. The end." Carrie finishes the book.

"Ba ba ba ba."

"That's it that's all I got... Come on let's go get your pjs on."

What was normally a simple task, wasn't so much anymore. At night Carrie also had to change Stella's leg dressing as well, which both of them hated. As soon as Carrie takes it off Stella cries, long and hard. But when it's over it's over and Carrie quickly calms her down.

"See that wasn't that bad," she says not knowing which one of them she was trying to convince.

Stella starts to giggle through the lingering tears.

"You're fine You're fine," she soothes her.

Carrie lifts her in the air and slowly brings her back towards her face and up again.

"I'm gonna get ya. I'm gonna get ya." She says the closer she brings Stella to her.

Stella's laughter is now hysterical and contagious, with Carrie laughing just as much.

She then sets her on her knee facing her and Stella begins to clap.

"Oh I put on a good show do I? When are you going to start talking? Can you say mama again? Ma-ma. Say Mama."

"Ba ba ba ba ba."

"No Ma-ma."

"Da-da."

Carrie slightly frowns, but quickly smiles after she says this.

_Knock knock._

"Am I interrupting anything?" Maggie asks.

"Not at all," Carrie says. "Come on in."

"Wow she's all smiles tonight," Maggie quickly notices.

"Yeah well you should have seen her while I was changing her bandage... I'm trying to get her to say mama again, but no luck."

"Well pretty soon she'll be saying it all the time. Just wait until she learns no," Maggie says.

"Definitely looking forward to that," Carrie laughs.

"So what did you guys do today?" Maggie asks casually.

She catches Carrie off guard.

"Huh?"

"After you came to visit dad?"

"Oh, uh we went to the park and then we went to the mall to get her new clothes. Then after that I picked up the girls and we've been here ever since," she explains rapidly as if she was being rushed.

"Okay then I'll see you here tomorrow when I get out of work?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be here."

Carrie gives Stella a kiss a puts her to bed. She is thinking about tomorrow more than she wants to, and mostly just wants it to be done and over.

* * *

Saturday April 26, 2014 12:00 p.m. (Moscow)

"Target on site," Quinn reports.

"Standstill or in motion?" His team asks.

"Standstill. He's waiting outside the hotel."

"You think it's clear?"

Quinn is struggling to survey the area, from the distance he is at.

"I don't know yet... wait there's someone coming out."

"Identify them."

Quinn peers through the scope and notices two small children heading towards his target. They're very friendly with him, and he presumes that they're his.

"There are kids," Quinn says.

"Goddammit! We don't have much time. We we're given 12 hours!"

"Well we're going to have to fucking wait!" Quinn retaliates.

* * *

Quinn sits for quite some time until they enter a car. He gets into his own vehicle and trails far behind them, although it's a much longer journey than he anticipated. They're out of the city, and in the open. He notices how alive it is on the country side with everything so green and vibrant in spring bloom. It's a rarity that he enjoys something this simple in life, and wishes that it happened more often.

 _Maybe_   _I could do something like this with Carrie and Stella?_

He thinks about a quieter life and what that might mean for him. Just maybe that was a possibility, but probably not. He doesn't want anymore regret to carry than he already has been.

The car ahead comes to a stop at a secluded farm house. The man is greeted by who Quinn believes to be his wife. This was his hideout and he probably planned to stay there awhile.

He's got the shot. Probably one of the easiest he's had in awhile. The man is just standing there in the open watching the children play. Quinn lifts the sniper rifle and has the scope aimed right for his head. One clean shot will drop him in and instant.

Quinn puts his fingers on the trigger, bit for some reason begins to shake. The sheep are loud, the birds are chirping, and the children are laughing, it's distracting. Why is this so damn difficult? He can't help but think about the children and what that might do to them. How an image of their father being murdered right in front of them might do to them. Would it make them want to become killers like their father too? He raises the rifle again and waits.

* * *

12:00 p.m. (D.C)

Lucky for Carrie, Maggie had headed out for work and the girls were at school, so she didn't need a reason to leave the house. It was still strange though getting ready to go see her mother, but she was ready. Maybe her mother really did want to be apart of their lives.

She pulls up and sees her in the window of the restaurant they used to go to when she and Maggie were kids on the way to the cabin. They used to love going there, but it was of course different now. All her mother was doing was bringing up the past, and Carrie isn't sure she wants to revisit it. Recently she had started living for the future which was much more promising in her eyes. Eventually she figures she's already there and makes her way in.

"I thought you'd never come," Maura says spotting her.

"Neither did I."

 

 


	28. The past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long time since I updated, but I was having a hard time getting it right.

Saturday April 26, 2014 12:45 p.m.

Carrie really wants to ask what the hell she'd been up to the past 17 years, but she can't form the words and sits quietly with Stella.

"You guys use to love coming here. Is this bringing anything back?"

"A little," Carrie says while looking around, trying to find her words.

Her mother continues to talk about the cafe way back when, leading to other stories about her and Maggie when they were younger. Carrie had mostly forgotten that she too was once a young and innocent child. Not only had she blocked out the bad memories, but also the good. For her she was born the day she had her first episode, it's just who she was. But the past is feeling good and comforting, maybe even something she needs. She finds herself smiling at these hilarious stories that she can recall, but had somehow buried. Maura can tell that Carrie's level of comfort is in a much better place, so she decides to ask some questions.

"So uh, where do you work?"

"I have a job if that's what your asking."

Maura takes what she can get and continues.

"You still haven't told me her name Carrie," Maura says pointing to the baby.

"Stella."

"Oh good choice. How'd you pick it?"

"Oh, uh Josie had a book. It was part of the title. We both loved it."

"Josie?"

"Maggie's daughter... Mom why'd ya do it?" She finally asks.

"Carrie I..."

"No. I deserve to know. I mean I know living with dad was hard, but there HAS to be more to it."

Maura sighs.

"I will tell you... But I also want you to know that I don't expect you to understand or care what I'm about to tell you."

"Okay?"

Maura reluctantly begins.

"I was following someone..."

She proceeds to tell Carrie about why she left, who she left her father for, and why she didn't come back.

"... he wasn't a cheater like his wife told me. He just loved the Casinos up in Maryland. I watched him everyday for three months. It was like I was a part of his life then. I had to, needed to, meet him so... so I did."

Carrie's eyes widen.

"You left for another man!? Jesus!"

"He was different Carrie! I can't explain it! Not even to myself. I just couldn't stay here! It was eating me alive not being with him."

Carrie had been there before, completely in love with someone that is. She still doesn't know how she has managed without Brody thus far. Her world was once consumed and she gets it. She now mostly just thinks about the simple things he left her with, the good things, like the way he'd call her name. That's something she'll never forget. And sometimes it's a little more real when she finds herself imaging how much he would have loved their daughter, making her love Stella even more.

"I waited for you to go, so that it wouldn't be so hard," she finishes for now.

"So... so you love him? That's why you left?" Carrie says trying her best the evaluate everything Maura has told her.

"Yes. I did...very much."

Of course it was selfish, but maybe her mom just had the guts to give everything up to do what she really wanted, even if it meant leaving her children.

"I... I get it but... I don't. Maura why couldn't you just fucking (she muffles) tell me this 17 years ago!?"

Maura looks down even though she expected a worse reaction than that.

"It was embarrassing for me! I'm a coward Carrie. Always have been I just hide it... very well."

"Did you ever even once think about us?" Carrie spits out.

"I... I did. All the time," she now becomes a little hyper.

Carrie reveals her innermost feelings once and for all.

"It hurt you know, not knowing if you cared. Not getting a call ever, not once. You missed half of my life. And the worst part of it all, not being able to tell anyone about you. It was keeping that a secret, as if I already didn't keep enough."

Maura cannot continue to defend herself, so she opens the wound full on.

"I'm right here Carrie, say what ever you want to me. Call me whatever you'd like. I deserve it."

Carrie is getting frustrated that their conversation still seems to be going nowhere.

"Look I can't have you in my life if it's only going to be temporary. I can't do that to my baby."

"I'm here to stay Carrie, so long as you let me," she reinforces.

Carrie dances around the thought in her head and is having a tough time trying to convince herself.

"One more question for you? What happened... to?" Carrie asks delicately.

"He passed away, about 5 years ago."

"Oh... I'm sorry to hear that."

Maura looks at Stella as if she wants to know about her father. She really wants to ask, but won't. Carrie can sense it.

"Can you talk to your sister for me?" Maura asks unexpectedly, interrupting Carrie's thoughts.

"No," Carrie immediately responds.

Maura is silent to this.

"Look I have a lot of other things to figure out right now and this is all too much right now. I need a week okay?" Carrie tells her, giving her no other choice.

"Fair enough," Maura says surprised with her consideration.

"Okay then I have to go," Carrie tosses money on the table and begins to pack Stella up.

"Carrie wait! If you decide not to see me again, can I at least get a few pictures maybe?"

She's a little offended by her mom's confidence in her, but agrees.

"I only have what's on my phone. All the pictures I have are at Maggie's house."

"Can I? There are some great photos that your father must still have."

_God she's insistent._

"Yeah I guess."

* * *

Saturday April 26, 2014 8:30 p.m. (Moscow)

He's somehow dozed off in the past hour or so, and is awaken by the glare of the setting sun.  _Fuck!_  He does a routine body check for bullet holes, and luckily he hid so well that he hasn't been spotted.

He couldn't do it. He just couldn't shoot that man in front of his children. What sickened him more than anything is that this so called monster could bare to be with his children, yet he had forsaken his own child. How was that even possible?

It's starting to get dark now and his window for completing the job is starting to close. His target exits the house and Quinn is on full alert. The man makes his way towards the pasture to put the horses away for the night. Quinn abandons his vehicle to get a closer view on foot.

He silently makes his way to the door and waits, only armed with a pistol at this point drawn and ready. This was it. Just as the man is leaving the stable Quinn gives him one giant blow to the back of the head and he's out cold, leaving a rather nasty gash.

_Fuck!_

He drags the motionless body to his vehicle and takes off. The job has to be done, but not there. But what would Carrie think about all of this? No time for that now as he speeds to 90 mph and contemplates his options.

 _Take him to my team? No. Let him go? No. Call Carrie!_   _I have to!_

* * *

2:00 p.m. (D.C.) 10:00 p.m. (Moscow)

"Make it quick, Maggie will be here in an hour," Carrie makes it clear.

Maura intensely takes in the room.

"Nice attic. Are you sure your father keeps the pictures up here?"

"Positive. He keeps all of his papers up here. Something about the highest point and all."

They go through a few pictures that Carrie hadn't seen in years. Her dad had probably tried to show her, but she can't remember if she refused or just wasn't there in general.

"I'll be right back," Carrie says.

She grabs her cell downstairs, but just missed the call.

 _Quinn called? Fuck_  I  _was suppose to call him back!_

Up in the attic Maura takes a few pictures, but then heads over to what she was really searching for. She digs through the folders and locates it. Before Carrie can even make it back up, Maura is ready to leave.

"You leaving?" Carrie asks as she sees her coming down the stairs, like she's on a mission.

"Oh yeah I don't want to intrude any longer than I have. But Carrie I was wondering if I can take down your number?"

Mistrusting as always, Carrie suggests the opposite.

"I'll just take your number Maura."

"Yeah that'll work too I guess," Maura says giving her the digits.

"Bye then."

"Bye Carrie."

* * *

She waits until Maura is gone before calling Quinn back.

"Quinn hey sorry what's going on?"

He starts to slow the car down to get his words out, gradually coming to a stop.

"I have him Carrie... he's in the car," he states deliriously.

"Quinn I don't know what the fuck you are talking about!"

She's been clueless this whole time while wrapping herself up in a world that included Maura.

"Where are you Quinn?"

He now comes to a complete stop and paces around the car.

"Russia."

"Quinn just... breathe for a moment. What's going on?"

"Lockhart sent me here."

"To do what? Quinn? Quinn?"

She only hears a rather loud noise and grunting. Waiting for a response is terrifying. Was he okay?

Quinn chases the man down about 20 feet away and presses his face against the ground. He wants to tell Carrie something, or anything, but can't get to his phone and keeps the guy down. His shirt collar is an easy grip and Quinn makes the most of it while making his way over to his cell.

"Carrie?"

Finally he answers and settles her nerves.

"Quinn tell me please!"

The man won't stop fighting him and Quinn is enraged. He forces the man's airways into the gravel, nearly suffocating him.

 _Fuck why did_   _I even call her!?_

"Quinn what the fuck is that noise? Please tell me!" She pleads.

He then makes the decision to hang up on her. It was of course the wrong decision and he knows it. She's finally close and a part of his life, what he had thought he wanted for a long time, but he can't even say how he feels at this moment let alone tell her what's going on. He can't tell her that he wants to kill this man or that he is going to kill this man.

"You're a piece of fucking scum!" He shouts while watching his adversary gradually bleed while the tiny pebbles slowly become embedded into his face. "You don't deserve them!"

He's saying these things out loud to someone else, but feels as if he is speaking to himself. This mission was just a wake up call to how his life should be.

He wants it pure silent to put his recent scattered thoughts together, but there's still panting going on. The anger fueling his confused mind finally mounts and one snap sideways creates the long awaited nothingness he was longing for.

With the new found stillness somewhat peaceful at the moment, he begins to drag the lifeless terrorist into the woods. The calm has now made it easier to think, nothing was in the way now. It was emotion that he was really feeling all along. A natural human feeling. It's all the more real now that he can sense an unfamiliar wetness trickling down his cheek.

* * *

3:00 p.m.

"Carrie?" She can hear Maggie shout.

Her day hasn't gone as planned. It's fucked at best, but none of it could be told to Maggie. They were just more secrets to keep.

"Yeah I'm here," she answers with her best efforts.

"I went down to the shop to see if dad's car could be salvaged."

_Really Maggie? Is this really important right now?_

"O-kay?"

"It's totalled, but there was something strange with the car Carrie."

"Oh," she says as this is right up her alley now.

"They said dad hit a pole right? Head on?"

"Yeah, yeah what is it?"

"Well that doesn't sound like the side of the car. There was a lot of damage. Last I knew that car was brand new."

Just another cherry to top the day's sundae, but she gets what she's implying.

"Someone hit him Maggie."

"They did."


	29. The present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slowly wrapping this story up...

Saturday April 26, 2014 9:30 p.m. (Paris)

Julian bursts into Fara's temporary office demanding to get answers on what he has heard.

"Where is Carrie!?"

"Julian I've already told you she is attending to a personal matter," she answers calmly.

"I don't believe you! Have you even spoken with her?"

"I have," she honors his question again.

"I find it funny too that Quinn is missing in all of this," he adds. "Doesn't quite add up if you ask me."

Fara becomes agitated with Julian's continued persistence.

"Their disappearances are UN-RELATED okay!"

"They quit on us! They quit!"

"Julian please sit," she insists.

He does, but is still stressed at the moment.

"Carrie is at home in Virginia. Her daughter was injured and her father is still in the hospital. She did not abandon us okay!"

"Oh," he says now wanting to take everything back.

"And Quinn... I don't know where he is. If you really want to know then you can ask Lockhart, because I don't even know."

He huffs.

"That's bullshit! Carrie had this under control. He can't do that!" Julian shouts, finally coming to terms with what Fara is dealing with.

"We're headed back to Istanbul tomorrow afternoon. I suggest you get ready for that."

He's still baffled with Lockhart's motives, but agrees with Fara.

"I'm sorry Fara. I just want to know what's going on."

"Me too."

* * *

3:00 p.m. (D.C.)

"I'm was assuming that you would be the one who wants to deal with this?" Maggie asks Carrie.

"I just... I..."

"Carrie is everything okay?" Maggie says sensing that Carrie is troubled.

Carrie now tucks away what has happened with Quinn and Maura, and focuses on the question.

"Why would someone want to hurt them? None of this is making any sense!"

"I know, I know. But it's a fact that someone hit them whether or not it was intentional," Maggie rationalizes. "Do you know of anyone who... at work, well..."

_Who the hell could it be? Does her target know? Maybe. What about Javadi? Was he still pissed about his nephew dying on her watch? Who's to say he's not? Or maybe even Lockhart? Was he that sick to the point to where he'd cause something like this, just so that he could take control to get a break in his new career?_

"No," Carrie insists.

"Okay we'll figure this out... Shit I have to bring the girls to Bill's. I've got to go! We'll talk later!"

"Maggie hang on!" Carrie stops her at the door.

"Yeah?"

"Can you bring Stella with you please? I am going to figure out who did this. I'm going down to the garage to see for myself," she says determined.

"Yes, but get her quick!"

"Thank you!"

* * *

11:00 p.m. (Moscow)

He'd almost forgotten who he was and what he was. A guy that kills bad guys, which is what he was sent here to do. But mistakes had been made, mistakes that he could not fix. Killing that kid in Caracas ate him from the center from the second it happened, but he tried to forget about it all. He had an easy distraction while consuming his life with Carrie over the past year or so, but seeing those children had soon enough reminded him of what he had done. The exact reason why he spared their innocence this day.

The spade he'd grabbed from the stable was working in his favor as he dug the hole deeper and deeper. Tree roots were unable to tolerate his force at this point. Remarkably, Carrie is the only thing on his mind. He begins thinking of how he even got caught up with Carrie in the first place and realizes that he was lying from the beginning. Claiming his position as an analyst to perform an assassination on Brody.

Somewhere along the way though she caught his attention, all of it. Her dedication to the job was, rather is, unlike he's ever seen. Perhaps he was only molding her into the person he should have become, or something like that. The way that she has adapted to everything that's happened to her is truly hard for him to believe. He feed her ideas way beyond his own capacity, convincing himself that it would be enough for him to redeem his past.

But it's just too much for him. He does love her, he can't deny that to himself, but he can't say it. Vocalizing what he felt was never in his DNA. No matter how hard he'd try to convince himself, he believes she'd never love him the way she did, or maybe still does, love Brody. And that was finally taking center stage, the fact that she would never fully love him the way he loves her. Really that hurt is exactly what this was.

He finishes burying the body and runs with the shovel. Not back to his team though. He gives no report and drives straight to the airport to take the first flight out, to anywhere. A place where maybe it would be easier to suppress these unwanted emotions.

* * *

4:00 p.m. (D.C.)

"Hi Carrie it's me Fara. How is everything?"

"Could be better. I'm going to check out my dad's car, then going to see him. By the way do you happen to know what Quinn is up to? Please tell me you do!"

Fara hesitates.

"You mean you... you don't know?" Fara says confused.

"Know what?" She yells the first time, then calms herself down. "Know what Fara?"

"Lockhart gave out information about our prime suspect to other stations. After someone spotted him, Lockhart made us loan him Quinn."

Carrie slams on the brakes and pulls over.

"He's...he's. What the fuck! This is my work! I want him alive!"

"Carrie-"

"I'm going to Langley myself. I've got to speak to Lockhart face to face."

"I tried to find out Carrie I did." Fara defends herself.

"It's not your fault Fara. I'll handle this."

* * *

4:15 p.m.

Carrie enters the garage to assess the damage, ready with her phone to take pictures. It's bad, the car is a mess. A lot worse then she thought it would be given the fact that they survived. The front end is smashed to the core, with the whole windshield completely dismantled, shards still remaining. She's surprised that it wasn't enough to cause a fire. Then she sees the side of the car where he was hit. An undeniable dent that didn't match up with the rest of it.

_Who could have done this and why?_

She has one of her contacts from the police department meet her to analyze what she can't. They had dated for a couple months sometime when she returned to D.C. after college, but she quickly left on assignment. For him it seemed like a short term fling, but for her a long-term relationship. He specializes in forensics and has helped her anytime she has called him over the years.

"I'll take samples from the point of impact Carrie. There could be traces of paint from the other vehicle that I can see under the microscope," he tells her.

"You can do that?"

"Oh definitely. Plus a lot of car companies use a very specific formula and we can trace it back to the exact make and model."

"If you can please! You will be well compensated Robbie."

"I haven't seen you in years, how are you doing Carrie?"

"Mostly good, but I'll feel much better when I find out who the hell did this, who hurt them... How are you?"

He's never seen her so personally invested in anything she's asked his help with.

"I'm good. But can I ask you who was in the car?" He had to ask.

She breathes deeply.

"My father... and my daughter."

"Why didn't you tell me! This one's on me. I don't want a dime!"

"Robbie you don't have to do that."

"No I mean it. This is priority. I'll get back to you as soon as I find out."

She smiles shyly.

"Thanks Robbie. It was good to see you."

She leans in for a hug.

"You too Carrie. I'll be in touch."

* * *

5:00 p.m.

"Hello Frank," she says to the man in a coma, still unresponsive at this point.

"It's been way too long hasn't it?" Maura begins. "I wanted to thank you for this, but that might be a little harsh. You're a damn fighter that's for sure. If you can hear me, I want you to know that I wouldn't have done it if I knew that darling child was with you. A child that didn't come from the daughter that was the reason I'd stayed with you to begin with. Ungrateful little shit Maggie has always been huh? Not even wanting to speak with her own mother. I suppose Carrie will never forgive me though, that is if she has time to realize what is happening. I should have taken her away from you a long time ago. All you ever did for her was teach her that it was okay to act crazy."

She leans in a little closer to whisper the rest.

"That was my biggest mistake."

Maura presses a needle through the tube leading to his throat, pulls it out, and leaves with Frank now slowly dying lacking the efficient life support he very much needed.

* * *

5:15 p.m.

Carrie is finally in the ICU of the hospital and notices a panic among the staff. She rushes to his room where everyone seems to be headed.

_Fuck!_

"What the fuck happened!" She shouts.

"Ma'am I'm sorry, but we have to ask you to leave."

Carrie peers over the staff workers trying to get a closer look.

"Ahhhhhh fuck! Fuck!" She screams.

"I'm going to have to ask you to keep your voice down. The medical team relies on verbal communication," the nurse says.

She understand hospital etiquette, but is raging with emotion. He was doing just fine the day before showing promising brain activity and now she was on the verge of losing her father tonight. She thinks back about their last conversation when she left Stella with him, telling him that she loved him , grateful yet fearful that it was their last. Eventually after just standing outside the room, she heads for the ICU waiting room. She curls up into a ball on the chair, weakly sobbing about what is happening. Just then her phone rings. It's Lockhart.

Carrie ignores his call twice, until he's calling for the third time. Third time she knew was code, at Langely and in general, a definite emergency.

"Hello?" She whimpers.

"Carrie I need to ask you a few questions can you come down to Langely, right now."

"It's a bad time! I can't." More tears arise.

He's bothered by her vagueness, but is still respectful to her reason.

"Well then, can you tell me what would be a good time?" He asks as politely as possible.

"Preferably when it's a time that might not be my father's last day," she says exactly how it is.

"I'm very sorry to hear that Carrie. I wish you and your family the best. However, I'm sorry to add that we have an issue over here having to do with Peter Quinn," he says giving little detail.

She momentarily shifts her attention to Lockhart's revelation.

"Is... is he okay?"

"Well that's the issue Carrie and we'd hoped that you might know."

"Know what?" She cries.

"Well he's missing."


	30. Traffic cam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So indeed it was Maura...

Saturday April 26, 2014 7:00 p.m.

"Miss Mathison?"

Carrie looks out the window, completely forgetting where she is.

"Miss Mathison?" The doctor says again.

"Yeah. What?" She responds hardly returning from her position.

He gives her a solemn look.

"He's gone isn't he?" She quickly says before he can speak.

"He's still with us, but we're not sure he'll make it through the night."

"What... what happened?"

"Well this has actually never happened before, so we're not exactly sure?"

"What the hell's that suppose to mean?" Carrie says in anger.

"We have the best of the best when it comes to treating our patients, however there was a malfunction with the tube supplying his oxygen.

"Ha-how is that possible."

"We tested the faulty equipment and the only way it could have happened is if it were manually tampered with. I'll have you know that we are conducting a full blown investigation in regards to finding out who is responsible," he explains.

"Did anyone come and see him? Who was the last person in that room!?"

"Our log in sheet says it was your sister, but that was 5 hours ago. We will keep you updated."

* * *

 

8:30 p.m.

"Hello?"

"Maggie, uh... where are you?"

"I'm just leaving Bill's. Sorry we stayed for dinner. He just got back from London," Maggie says happily.

"Maggie you need to come down here, to the hospital," she chokes.

"The hospital? Carrie?"

"It's dad. Please just come now."

"I'll be right there."

Maggie gets there as soon as she can, arriving to see Carrie still curled up in a ball.

"Carrie?"

She turns to her sister who is in tears.

"It's not good Maggie. I don't know what to do!"

Maggie begins to cry as well, while holding Carrie close.

"Have you seen him?" Maggie asks after a few minutes.

"Yeah. They kicked me out a little bit ago. They had to-"

"I'm going in. I have to see him," Maggie says rushing in.

Carrie sighs and pulls Stella, who is sleeping in her car seat so peacefully, towards her. She wishes she could hold the same peace, but at this rate she knew it would never happen. It becomes clear that even if she can't, she'd try her damnedest to make sure Stella kept enough for the both of them and that would be enough for her.

Maggie returns to see Carrie still wide awake.

"Carrie I'm not asking, I'm telling you to go back to my house and bring her home. I'll stay," she delivers sternly.

Carrie doesn't even fight it. She knew the hospital was no place for Stella to stay all night, and wasn't sure she could take it if something were to happen with Frank overnight. The hardest part right now was going to be driving home, as she knew she'd be crying the whole time.

* * *

 

Sunday April 27, 2014 7:00 a.m.

The painkillers she had from her hand injury actually came handy for a reasonable use. It was the only sleeping aid that was able to calm her down enough to fall asleep through the night. The sun is barely making an appearance, but she hears the phone loud and clear, fearing it would be Maggie with the worst. Thankfully it is only Robbie.

"Geez you been up all night?" She asks.

"I had to run everything myself. No one likes working Sundays," he responds playfully. "Can you come down to the station today?"

"Uh, yeah. I'll be there in a little bit. But is it okay if I bring my daughter?"

"Of course! This is her case you know," he makes a weak stab at a joke.

She rolls her eyes, but finds herself being able to smile.

"I'll be there soon Robbie."

* * *

 

9:00 a.m.

Maggie has since called to update Carrie. Frank has made it through the night, but he still wasn't out of the woods yet. Each hour that goes by with him still alive, was another percentage of him keeping his life.

"Robbie it's Carrie, let me in," she says through the buzzer.

"Yup, come on in."

He raises his eyebrows as she enters.

"What? I thought you told me I could bring her!"

"Oh, no she's fine. I just didn't expect her to be well... I expected a kid, not a baby."

"Well sorry to disappoint you," she laughs.

Stella is impressed with Robbie's upbeat voice and facial expressions, and focuses her full attention on him. He notices and tries to make small talk with the child.

"Hi, I'm Robbie. And you are?" He asks in a childlike mellow tone.

"Stella," Carrie introduces the two.

"Can I hold her?" He asks carefully, knowing how Carrie is.

"Yeah just watch her leg. A shard from the windshield got her in the leg."

"Jesus okay...Do you want to help me show mommy what I found?"

"What kind of car is it?" Carrie asks.

"It's from a grey Nissan Altima, 2009 model to be exact," he explains in detail.

"Great, but how can we find the car?"

"Well that's the thing. I have traffic cam videos from the lights around the area, but I haven't been able to watch them all. How do you feel about watching video recordings for hours on end?"

"You do know what I do for a living right?"

They watch the footage for over two hours and even Carrie is getting bored with the content they're watching, although unable to give up.

Finally she spots her dad's car and then the Altima right behind him. It had to be that car given that they were the only two cars headed that way.

"We got em," Robbie says as he takes down the plate. "But can you see who that is Carrie? Do you recognize person or that car?"

"No... shit! I can't even see their face."

"Carrie we got their plates. We'll get them."

"Look it up! P-please."

"GFO 1316 enter. Okay it belongs to a Sean Womack sound familiar?" He says hoping to have found her guy.

"No, I've never heard of the guy."

"Well I have the address do you want me to go check the guy out?"

"No no. You've done enough for me... and you didn't have to. But I have some who will do it."

"Call me if you need anything Mathison."

"Will do," she smiles.

* * *

 

5:00 p.m.

"I'm at the place Carrie. To tell you the truth the place is kind of a dump," Virgil says.

"You going in?"

"I'm going to tell him that I'm looking for my kid's dog. That will give me enough time to get some pictures with the pen."

"Virgil don't forget to look out for anyone going in and out of that house... this is important to me," she reminds him

"Do you know who you're talking to Carrie?"

"Thanks you're the best."

"I know."

"Bye," she laughs.

"Okay kid ready to go back to Aunt Maggie's."

She checks her phone while driving to see if she has gotten anything from Quinn, but in a way she'd rather not know if anything bad happened.

If he was alive he'd surely call though. He always called. Why hasn't he called? Now that he hasn't been she feels like she cares more. Instead of waiting for him to call she decides to call him, but there's nothing. The line doesn't even exist anymore.

* * *

 

5:30 p.m.

Before she can even get to the door, Maggie has already opened it. She's standing on the porch glaring madly at Carrie as she walks up.

"You mind telling me what you've been doing the past couple of days?" Maggie demands.

"Well hello? What are you talking about?"

"That bitch showed up!" Maggie shouts.

"What?" Carrie responds sounding completely confused.

"I can't believe you let Maura in MY house!"

"No, no I didn't," Carrie lies. "You said she wasn't welcome."

"And I quote 'I like the pretty vase you have on the mantle'."

"She came here!?"

"Jesus Christ Carrie it is true! How can you do that to me!?"

"Maggie look we had lunch one time. I told her NOT to bother you!"

Maggie is furious that Carrie has lied to her and turns around to take a seat.

"I need you to leave Carrie," Maggie says calmly, but completely serious.

"Maggie I'm-"

"No Carrie I need you to leave tonight. I don't know for how long. Stella can stay."

Between this particular situation, Carrie's bipolar, and Maggie's hormones, Carrie is aware that if she stays it will only get worse.

"I'm not going anywhere without her! I just need a few things."

"Fine," Maggie looks the other way.

Carrie sees how pissed she actually looks while getting on the porch. Maggie is continuously shaking her head as Carrie gets closer.

"What?" She asks Maggie as she steps on the porch.

"I need a drink! Please make it quick!"

Carrie grabs what they'll need for the night in hopes that Maggie will chill out by the morning. She's glad that she's kept her car over her apartment as it's been much more useful.

* * *

 

6:00 p.m.

While driving around looking for a place to stay a strange number is calling her, and she reluctantly answers.

"Hello?"

"It's Quinn."

She breathes a sigh of relief.

"Quinn where have you been I-"

"I'm not coming back Carrie. Good luck with your life," he ends the call with a dial tone.

Was he just playing a sick prank on her? This is exactly what she didn't need right now. How could he even do this to her? Practically inviting himself into her life then all of a sudden just put things to an end. Right now is when she needed to talk to him the most and it hurts that he was the one who she opened up to about everything. The exact reason why she never did to anyone. Why would he do such a fucked up thing!? She cries softly, for some reason concerned that Stella would here her in the backseat. They're really on there own now, but Carrie knows exactly where to go.

"Carrie?" He answers the door quite surprised.

"Can... can we crash here for the night? Please, I have no where else to go."

"Yeah, yeah. Come on in," Robbie invites them in.

"I owe you big time!" She declares.

"You guys are welcome anytime."

* * *

 

7:30 p.m.

"Who is this?" Virgil mutters to himself.

He's been snacking on a pack of crackers for a bit, and at a time like this, he wishes Max was around to make a food run.

"Come on. Come on. Get out of your car."

When she exits he snaps a few pictures. There aren't any clear face shots, but a ton with a profile view.

'Someone else came by do you want a pic?' He texts Carrie.

'Send it over!'

'You got it.'

 


	31. The same blood

Sunday April 27, 2014 8:00 p.m. (D.C.)

Virgil sends the picture and it never goes through. She'd had completely forgotten about it too.

"So you've just lived here for 10 years!? I don't know how you stay in one place," she says across the dining room table.

"I don't know I just do. Never had a reason to leave," Robbie replies.

She shakes her head like she understands.

"Sometimes I think about that, you know staying here and buying a house. You know a real one like this," she reveals subconsciously having no one else to talk to.

"You should do it! My girlfriend talked about moving in here, but she's in sales, always away too."

"Yeah well my shit's a little more complicated than that," she frowns.

"Does her father live somewhere else?" He assumes.

She'd been expecting this question for awhile from him, making it much easier to respond to.

"You can say that... he's been dead for a year," she quickly discloses.

"Uh Carrie, I'm sorry I-"

She allows him that much, but quickly changes the topic.

"No don't be. Really... hey I'm just glad you let us stay here Robbie."

"I don't remember you apologizing as much as you are now," he notices.

"You know that you're the only person I've ever dated, that I've ever seen again?" She tells him, not even knowing why she is.

"Yeah? Am I the only lucky one?"

She halfway rolls her eyes and smiles.

"Lucky? Don't you mean cursed?"

"Nope."

Stella is awoken by the imminent lighting storm quickly drifting Carrie away from her conversation. All of the apparent tension she could sense in Robbie was now going away, causing Carrie to wonder what she was doing there in the first place.

"Um Robbie thanks for the dinner, but I think we're going to leave," she says abruptly.

"Carrie you don't have to go. It's going to pour out there. Stay," he attempts to persuade her.

"I think I have to leave Robbie... for me."

"Carrie."

"Listen I don't know what's going on here, but I need to just be with my daughter right now and that can't be here. I hope you understand."

She's not sure if she left something that could have been a long time ago with Robbie, but she's also not willing to find out. It was time to focus on Stella no matter how complicated things were.

* * *

9:30 p.m.

She arrives into the hotel room feeling much better about the situation for Stella, knowing it was unfair where they were before. Stella is still awake when they get there, and exceptionally happy for how late it is. The thunder startles her, but not Carrie, which automatically calms her. After getting settled in, Carrie sets up the pack-n-play while Stella intently watches from her sitting position on the floor.

"Mama", Stella says loud and clear.

Carrie stops what she is doing to acknowledge her words and smiles.

"You don't have to sleep in this thing," Carrie says while picking her up. "You can just sleep with mama okay?" She says kissing her forehead.

After placing her on the bed to put on her pajamas, she sits there just blurting out all of her problems to Stella. Instead of criticism and judgement, she receives smiles and laughter.

The storm hits with full intensity, causing Stella to jump with each rumble of thunder. Carrie takes the opportunity to gently rock her to sleep, but it's not enough to overpower the noise from the storm.

"I know Aunt Maggie sings, but I don't know any songs," she says.

She knows her singing voice was terrible, but finds a way to make it happen. Instead of making up a song she begins to sing the national anthem over and over, until Stella falls back asleep and slowly places her on the bed.

When she exits the bathroom, she takes a minute before shutting off the lights. Looking at this tiny person who she never ever planned to be in her life, she can't imagine a life without her in it. Where she could be is too much to think about, so she doesn't. But having nothing to lose would never be again. Stella is now everything to lose. She's her own flesh and blood and she realizes she'll never have to be alone again, in which the comfort is outweighing the fear. She lies down next to her and watches her sleep, eventually finding sleep herself.

* * *

Monday April 28, 2014 7:30 a.m.

'Carrie I went home last night. You never texted me back.' She reads while waking up with Stella.

'I'll call you in a bit Virgil. Stella and I are going out to breakfast, we're starving. Come meet us if you want.'

* * *

8:30 a.m.

"Finally you made it! I had to get her something, so I ordered without you," Carrie apologizes.

"It's fine but it would have been nice to get some feedback from my work last night," Virgil says while taking a seat.

"Oh shit! I'm sorry. You were suppose to send me a picture."

"I did."

"I didn't get anything."

"Yeah it was just some lady. She's probably just his dog walker considering that's all she did all night. Oh then planted flower-"

"Virgil can I see the picture already?"

He looks around and realizes that he left his camera in the car.

"Just come see it after because I'm starving too."

"Fine. I'll pay for your meal after the apparent struggle you had last night," she jokes.

"Then I'll take everything on the menu," he smirks.

* * *

They're all very stuffed on the walk out to the parking lot. Virgil shuffles around the car to get the camera.

"Okay... here," he hands over the camera.

When he hands it over she's frozen solid, like a deer in headlights. She's afraid she'll drop Stella, so she hands her over without taking her eyes off the picture. As her face begins to contort Virgil becomes increasing anxious, but doesn't say anything not knowing what to do. She shoves the camera in his other hand and runs towards the bushes, disgusted, throwing up all the food she just ate.

Doing her best to keep her shaky body from giving out, she balances on the ground on her hands and knees. She's sweating bullets and thinking a million miles a minute. The same blood running through her was shared with that monster making her want to jump right out of her own skin.

Virgil's eyes dart back and fourth between her and pedestrians roaming around, giving coy smiles to everyone as he begins to head her way.

"Carrie?" He finally shouts from a distance.

"Just give me a minute Virgil," she automatically responds, taking in as many breaths as she can to remain composed.

This goes on for another two minutes while she desperately tries to figure out what to do, but hovering over her own vomit definitely wasn't solving anything.

She heads back towards Virgil trying her best to keep her cool.

"Carrie-"

"Virgil I need you to print these out for me, can you do that?" She asks trying not to let her voice crack, although it was.

"I'll call you when I have them," he says knowing she means business.

* * *

10:00 a.m.

Carrie takes the baby and drives straight over to Maggie's. She knows she should tell her what happened, but wants to handle everything on her own. The least she deserved was being able to confront the woman herself. She makes an ample attempt at hiding her emotions while stopping by.

"Maggie!" She bangs on the door.

Maggie answers the door without saying a word, waiting for an apology that probably wasn't going to happen. Her eyes widen as Carrie forces her to take Stella and she's speechless.

"I will call you with an address, meet me there when I do," she says more confidently than Maggie has ever heard.

"Seriously Carrie I am done with all your bullshit!" She shouts as Carrie heads back to her car. Knowing that Maggie was likely even more angry than she was before, she puts up no fight and leaves.

It finally happens. She finally lets all her anger and rage out on the way to the hospital. Swearing, screaming and sporadically crying for how fucked up everything was. Her mother was no better than the people who she went after and she was not about to get away with it.

* * *

10:30 a.m.

"Hi I need to speak with Dr. Uman," she requests upon arrival.

"He's with another patient."

"I'll be in room 284, please tell him it's urgent."

She enters her father's room more afraid than ever. At least this time she knew who was trying to hurt him, but didn't have the answer why. His will to live is remarkable and Carrie likes to believe it has to do with Stella, because it was her reason. Her own father was the only father figure her daughter ever had and she's certain she'd fall apart at the seams if he didn't make it.

"I'll find her dad. She's not getting away with this! What did you do to her!?" She cries.

His appearance is frightening, making her stomach weak again, but he is not to be left alone again.

"Miss Mathison what can I do for you today?" He asks knowing she'd be back with questions.

"Look I know for a fact that if I conducted my own investigation, then I could sue the shit out of this place for what happened," she begins.

He holds up his hands in defense.

"Okay, okay you want something, but what?"

She presses her lips and breaths deeply.

"Full security at this door 24/7 until I say so. I don't care what you have to do to get it done. Not a single person enters this room that is not employed here without my okay."

"We... can make that happen I think."

"Make it happen. I'll leave when they arrive."

The hospital formally agrees under the circumstances in fear of a lawsuit and provides adequate security.

"Take good care of him please," she changes her tone.

"Your father is a strong man Carrie, we'll be in contact."

* * *

11:00 a.m.

He gets off the fourth plane he's been on all weekend. How he found himself back in D.C. was surprising even for him. He just couldn't get her out of his head. Each face of each stranger he saw, he was hoping was her. He tried to convince himself that he could do without. The emotions were eating away at his soul and were about to completely consume it if he held them in any longer. It no longer mattered how much she loved him, because he loves her.

Even if she's so mad at him, that she never wants to speak with him again, at least he'll know she did care. At least he'll know what he's capable of feeling and doing. All he knew right now was that he couldn't just leave without being absolutely certain. Aware that his actions after his last mission would hold serious consequences, he has to find a way to see her first.

* * *

12:00 p.m.

She's ready to confront her as she walks to her car. Now that everyone else is safe, she was going to do what she had to do. She would have done something similar, had it been anyone else, but Maura doesn't know what she's in for.

"What the fuck!"

She sees Quinn sitting in her car, opening the door to begin lashing him out.

"You fucking asshole! I thought you were fucking dead! You shouldn't have even called me! Everything's worse!"

"Carrie I'm-"

"I don't give a fuck what you're about to say. I don't need this now! Get the fuck out of my car!" She enters.

"I'm sorry!" He screams.

"You have no fucking idea how much I needed you these past couple a days!" She says with tears in her eyes.

He thought he had his words figured out, but completely blanks when she says this.

"Please just get out of my car!"

He doesn't move.

"Get the fuck out of my car!" She shouts even louder forcefully pushing and hitting him from the driver's seat.

Quinn's not exactly sure what she's talking about with her needing him so badly, but doesn't want to give up this easily. He knows he fucked up, but just wants her to know that he's there.

Rolling down the window before he exits from her shoving him, he's able to say something before she drives away.

"I love you Carrie," he says genuinely as she puts the car in gear and takes off.

Quinn knows she heard it and he feels a whole lot better. He leaves her with those words telling her exactly what he felt, no matter how she took it.

* * *

As fucked up as everything else has been going, Lockhart has been blowing up her phone all morning and she'd of course ignored it. He's filling up her inbox too.

'Carrie it's Lockhart. Call me as soon as you receive this.'

'It's Andrew Lockhart again, YOUR BOSS? This is urgent Carrie.'

'Carrie if you would like to remain employed with us, I suggest you return my phone calls.'

"Ughhhhhhhhh!" She screams while hitting the steering wheel. "Fuck!"


	32. Confrontation

Monday April 28, 2014 12:30 p.m.

Her appearance is rather unacceptable for a meeting at Langley, but she figures it might actually help her confrontation with Lockhart a little more. She's not exactly sure what he wants and only assumes it's related to her position. Unauthorized personal time was not exactly the CIA's cup of tea, especially during the middle of an operation. Without calling him first, she arrives and knocks on the door.

"I've been waiting for you to return my calls," he quickly says.

"I know," she says nearly out of breath while pacing.

"Can we sit?" He says annoyed yet worried about her mental state.

"Yeah, yeah sure."

She takes a seat as he begins.

"I'm aware that you've had some recent issues with your personal life. However, I've been quite concerned with the way you've handled this so called operation."

"Sir, I have it under control."

"Oh do you? Do you call this control?"

He plays numerous messages from several posts around the world asking what exactly they should be doing about their potential targets.

"Javadi! He wants them all which I agreed to! Alive and in custody."

"So you're saying we should surrender all 200 something potential assets to an asset? In what universe does that make any sense? I'm dying to know."

She frustrated having to explain herself when she isn't anywhere near thinking about this.

"He will allow me to intervene and collect viable intelligence... he... he respects me."

"Carrie are you blind? I mean really tell me I'm not talking to a brick wall."

She wants to punch him in the face right now, but holds back. Being in jail and jobless would do nothing to help Stella and herself.

"He knows his goddamn place! It will go forward. I never stop anything I start. That is something you should surely know about me if you don't already."

She says it fluently, even while being caught off guard. He's willing to give her the benefit of the doubt for the time being.

"Ten days Carrie. If I don't see what I like, I'll find someone who I think can."

"Sir!"

"Ten days Carrie."

She huffs.

"Noted. Are we done here?" she says attempting to leave.

"Not even close."

 _Fuck!_  She thinks.

"You mind telling me if you're in a, I don't know, relationship with anyone in the agency?"

"Excuse me!?"

"Because I've heard some things and I remember distinctly asking you if this was ever going to be a problem."

"I'm sorry sir, but I have no idea what the hell you are talking about?" She raises her hands denying everything.

He rolls his eyes.

"Peter Quinn," he says getting to his point.

_Fucking Gina!_

He continues.

"You don't exactly have a clean state with this sort of thing here Carrie, from what I've heard. What exact relations you have with anyone here, I could care less about. However, it's a HUGE problem when you're intentionally holding back vital information that interferes with intelligence," he informs her.

"Lockhart, sir-"

"Where is he Carrie?"

She doesn't want to tell him that she unwillingly saw him 25 minutes ago. He was a big boy and could handle himself.

"I- I don't know," she begins to stutter.

He just knew she had been covering for him all along for whatever reason he could not explain. Lockhart crosses his arms and leans back, while watching her fold before his eyes. Just as he starts to be become comfortable, a violent pounding sound is coming from the door and it's Dar.

"Excuse me."

After hearing a few whispers, she can't believe this is the first time she ever thought this, aside from when Estes told her she was still fired,, but she just wants to get the fuck out of Langley.

"Carrie?"

"Yeah?"

"You can leave. But it's likely that we are not finished."

She walks out leaving him with nothing to say. There were far more important things on her mind.

* * *

1:00 p.m.

She sits in the parking lot desperate for relief that wasn't there. Was she just going to drive over to Maura's place and kick her teeth in? It was exactly what she wanted to do. There needed to be a long term solution though and a way for Maura to really get the punishment she deserved.

The question all along though has been why. Why does she need him dead? Frank wasn't bothering anyone! Well as far as she knew. Going after her father was enough, but going after a baby, her baby! Absolute mistake!

"Yeah Robbie it's Carrie... No, no. I want to write up an official report... yeah I'll be down to the station soon."

* * *

"Peter Quinn..." Lockhart annunciates slowly.

"Guilty as charged!" He sarcastically raises his eyebrows and smiles.

"Cut the shit Peter."

Quinn frowns for only a moment.

"I completed my mission sir," he says stunning Lockhart.

"You- you did? I thought-"

"That I wouldn't? No, I'm a follow through kind of guy."

Lockhart is pleased, yet unhappy that he is not in control of their discussion.

"Well as you should know, the mission is otherwise useless, unless you give official conformation that it has been completed. We've had to hold back on a number of operations directly affected by your lack of giving of shit. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Quinn knows Lockhart's game too well. The man always thinks that he is a fraction ahead of everybody when he's actually not.

"Is something suddenly wrong with our drones?" Quinn lets out.

Lockhart shifts uncomfortably in his seat, not responding.

"Because If I'm right, which I know I am, anyone who knew what the hell they were doing would never risk the life of an agent or waste as much time as you did to pull that off on a high level target such as him. Why me sir?"

"That was my call, I made a call under the circumstances. Don't you tell me how to do my job," Lockhart defends himself.

"You didn't know he was with his children. Had you done this before I revealed that information, I wouldn't have been needed. One button and the job would have been done."

Lockhart has underestimated the soldier in front of him, now needing to reveal the consequences.

"I want you off the Istanbul team."

Quinn nods.

"For what reason?" Quinn asks still not backing down.

"We uh have no use for your being there."

Quinn is just pure insulted now after everything he has done over there.

"That's bullshit and you know it!"

"I'm not going to tolerate this. Get the fuck out of my office Peter!"

"Gladly."

* * *

5:00 p.m.

Maura is rather surprised to see her daughter just showing up unannounced. Carrie pulls in, exiting her car with a forced smile.

"Uh Carrie, what are you doing here?" She says walking closer.

"I was wrong. I'm ready to talk to you. Well actually I need advice."

Having absolutely no idea where this was going to go, Carrie knows she's handling the situation in the best possible way.

Maura eyes shoot around the yard and she apologizes for the mess. She was a neat freak when she was with Frank, immediately knowing that Carrie will notice.

"I'm just starting to do my spring cleaning."

_She's saying sorry about her home's appearance, but doesn't ever plan on apologizing about Stella and dad?_

"So what do you need Carrie?"

Carrie does her best to not make herself look completely uncomfortable.

"I uh wasn't completely honest with you about my job," Carrie begins.

"Oh," Maura sounds a little concerned.

"In a way I kind of do what you do."

"This explains why I wasn't able to find you. So you've been on a case? What do you need?"

She doesn't know how much longer she can hold out on her cover, but sticks with her plan. Carrie begins slowly, trying to sound legitimate.

"Have you ever had someone you were looking for, but you just can't seem to connect the evidence to find them guilty even if it's sitting right there in front of you?"

Maura starts to look slightly out of place.

"You- you looking for something on somebody?" She says nervously.

"Yeah, we want this fucker in prison, but the thing is there's no motive as to why they did it," Carrie says coldly.

"Maybe you should give the case to someone else? Sometimes someone else might be able to see plain and clear, something that you can't. I've done it before," Maura continues to shell out advice.

"No, I'm not going to do that. I don't give up," Carrie makes clear.

Maura is now fully fearful that Carrie knows something is going on, she just has no idea how much she knows.

"Take a look at their file Maura. Maybe you can tell me then?"

"Sure," she's forced to take it from her.

Carrie hands over the pictures that Virgil had taken of her.

"Carrie what the fuck is this?" Maura says trying not to shake.

"You never deserved any of us, you selfish... ugh.. why'd you do it!?" She finally begins to crack.

"I'm confused here Carrie!"

"Oh you're the one confused? Really?"

"Yes!"

Carrie rips the folder out of Maura's hand slowly tossing the remaining pictures in the file on the ground. There are also pictures of Frank and Stella in the hospital, as well as Frank's totaled car.

"Why are you showing me these pictures Carrie!?"

"Fuck you!"

"Carrie!"

"Now's the part where I figure out why you did it you fucking bitch!"

With her fist already clenched, Carrie hits her showing no remorse, instantly breaking Maura's nose.

"You can come in now," she reports through the mic while gladly watching her mother bleed.

The State police begin to swarm the home after receiving incriminating evidence from Robbie's investigation, garnering a search warrant and having enough already to place the two under arrest.

"Search every fucking inch of this place!" She instructs as they arrest Maura and Sean.

The police search the house as Carrie watches from the driveway. As concerned as he is for Carrie, Robbie knew she didn't want to be bothered. The situation was bothering him to the extreme and he couldn't even image what she was feeling. She stands outside alone waiting for Maggie to come, but she never shows.

She can't stand that she didn't see it before and that Maura was playing her the whole time. Sitting there feeling almost as alone as she felt when Brody died and left her alone, she has to find a way to tell Maggie and make things right again. She didn't want to be alone tonight and knew that she didn't have to be.

* * *

7:00 p.m.

Carrie pulls in front of Maggie's house to see her sitting alone on the porch, similarly to how she felt earlier. She knew everything would only be more difficult from here, but she had to let her sister know. However, Maggie already begins talking before she can say anything when she steps on the porch.

"I had to bring all three of them to the ultrasound today you know. I had to tell the girls on the way there. They were pretty mad at me for not telling them and of course I had myself to blame for that. But then again, you told me that you'd watch them after they got out of school today. Had I been thinking how I should have been thinking to begin with..."

Carrie is getting closer, listening, but can't seem to speak yet. Maggie still hasn't even looked at her.

"...Not that you give a shit, but there's finally going to be a little boy in the family."

She can almost hear Carrie laugh, but it also sounds like she's crying causing Maggie to look at her.

"Carrie?" Maggie can see the tears coming more rapidly now.

Maggie rises as Carrie begins to slump, nearly falling to her knees. She holds her steady, waiting for Carrie to speak. Carrie is having a hard time taking breaths, but manages to let it out.

"It was her Maggie. Mom fucking hit them!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will not be Maura's final appearance


	33. forgiveness

Tuesday April 29, 2014 9:00 a.m.

She's thankful that Maggie hadn't let her hit the bottle too hard last night given the day she has ahead of her. Everything that Maggie had told her was true and she couldn't figure out why she'd been so blind to the situation. It was painfully embarrassing for her her to confess everything to her sister, but in truth Maggie had only felt sorry for her. Sorry that with what little benefit that her sister gave people, this would probably hurt her the most. It was actually a sickening thought to swallow.

She actually impressed with how Carrie handled everything. Maggie has no interest in confronting the woman that she used to call her mother, but Carrie needs to know. She has to know why she would do something like this.

"You sure you want to take her with you Carrie?" Maggie asks carefully.

"Go visit dad. We'll be fine."

Maggie takes a deep breath.

"Carrie you're not fine. If I would had known... then-"

"Maggie don't! You don't have to. But I... I have to know!"

"I think that you need to think this over. You say these things now, but what's going to happen when you get there?"

Carrie knows it's true. She really doesn't know what is going to come of this. Really all she wants is closure.

"I need to be there Maggie. I have to go there," she justifies.

She walks out the door before she regrets going through with it. Maggie still can't understand why and watches out the window to see if she'll change her mind. After Maggie realizes she doesn't she goes back to what she is doing, letting her sister do what she has to do.

As Carrie approaches her car, Quinn is once again comfortably resting inside.

"Jesus Quinn!"

She bangs on the window waking him up instantly.

"What the fuck Quinn!" She quickly opens the door.

"Carrie please. Just listen-" he exits the vehicle with his hands up.

"I'm gonna lose my job because of you!" She cuts him off almost sobbing.

"Hey. Carrie listen," he reaches for her shoulder, but she quickly denies him. Maggie can hear Carrie arguing with someone on the lawn and heads for the door.

As she continues to scream at him, he grabs her swinging hand trying to calm her down. At this point, Stella begins to cry and scream along with Carrie. Eventually Carrie is only crying and Quinn takes Stella from her. By the time Maggie is outside, Quinn begins to comfort Carrie holding her close, brushing his hand through her hair.

"What the hell is-," Maggie stops after seeing Carrie's face buried in Quinn's chest.

"I'm sorry," he says while kissing the top of her head.

Maggie now has no intention of intervening, but is curious as to why he is here. She's never seen her sister break down to anyone else before. It was a side that she'd never seen. She does however stay to watch it unfold.

"You're not going to lose anything else ever again," he whispers in a reassuring voice.

He helps her into the passengers seat and safely tucks a now much calmer Stella in the back.

"I'm going to drive okay?" He says to a non-responsive Carrie.

Maggie takes in the whole incident, but lets them go.

"My- my mom tried to killed them," she stutters after a few blocks.

"What?" He tries not to panic.

"Sh- she did," the stuttering continues. "And- and you left."

He sighs at his guilt.

"I know I did. But I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere... where's your mom now?"

"I need to go talk to her. Please!"

"Just tell me where to go. I'll take you there."

Her frustration with him lingers.

"I can't be seen with you Quinn. Lockhart knows! And he's pissed that you're gone! Do you want me to get fired!?"

"I talked to him Carrie. He wants me off the team."

"You- you did? What did he do to you Quinn?"

"I don't want to talk about it now. I just want to be here with you. I love-"

"Stop it! Stop saying that. No you don't!"

She hasn't said she doesn't and he forces himself to not smile.

"Carrie Lockhart's planning something. What did he tell you?"

"He said I have ten days or something. I don't know!"

"Ten days?"

"Quinn I don't know. I don't even care. Everything is just fucked up," she begins sobbing again.

"Hey," he begins brushing her hair out of her face, "I'm going to help you Carrie."

"I don't know if you can," she looks at him with no sign of hope.

"Let me."

They arrive at the county holding center and Carrie starts to look uncomfortable.

"You can stop here," she tells him.

Quinn pulls over and witnesses her trying to take Stella in with her.

"Carrie I'll take her."

She stops stunned at his offer and looks up.

"You- you will?"

"I will."

She's still pretty upset with him despite his reapperance, but at this point she knows it's only practical to take him up on his offer.

"I won't make it too long. Where are you going with her?"

He can see her hesitation and weighs in.

"Carrie you don't have to do this."

"Yes I do," she kisses Stella and walks away

* * *

10:00 a.m.

"Peter I wasn't expecting a call from you," Saul says.

"I know. Something is going on Saul," he soon admits.

"Is it Carrie? Where are you Peter? What's happened?"

"I'm with her daughter now in D.C. She's here too. I called you because I think that you can help. Are you busy?"

"I'm never busy anymore," Saul jokes. "I'll take the first flight out."

Quinn' s not sure where to start, but knows Saul will.

"And Saul?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't want her to know you're coming here yet. She's dealing with a lot."

"You better tell me what's going on when I get there."

"I'm not even sure what's going on. I just know that Lockhart is trying to fuck it all up."

"Jesus... I'll be there soon."

* * *

11:00 a.m.

The buzzer is excessively loud when the second group of detectives exit, causing Carrie to jump. She knows that she isn't in danger with Maura in shackles, but the one-way glass is somewhat comforting.

Robbie had seen Quinn drop her off, but doesn't say a word about it. He's more focused on finishing what he had helped her start.

"She hasn't confessed yet Carrie. You only have a few minutes. I can't leave the mic on. If she confesses to you it'll be worthless," he informs her.

"No it won't," she says while continuing to stare through the glass.

He knows exactly what she means by this and opens the first of three doors to get to Maura.

"Carrie please don't hit her in here."

The first door closes.

"It could screw up the whole investigation."

The second one seems louder.

"Do you want me in there?" He says reaching for the third.

"No."

He swipes his card and she enters, slowly taking her seat. Maura can see who enters and shamefully tries to hide her face with her unwashed hair. Carrie wants to scream, she wants to be angry, but instead she just feels bad that a person could get like this.

"Why are you here Carrie?" Maura begins, still hiding her face.

"Why did you do it Maura?"

Maura shifts her face in her hands, but stops when she hits her nose.

"Fuck!" Maura shouts revealing Carrie's damage to her face. She looks weak making Carrie feel much better.

"Because of him! I did it all because of him," Maura confesses, breaking down faster than Carrie could ever imagine. "I didn't want to do it!"

"I don't know what you mean! Why would you want to hurt them!"

Maura knows her fate and at this point doesn't care.

"I wasn't trying to hurt your father, I was trying to kill him," she admits to a tearful Carrie. "It was the only way."

"Only way for what? To hurt me?"

"Carrie... no," Maura reaches for her hand.

Carrie immediately jerks back, rejecting her.

"That money! I- he wanted the money! It was the only thing he cared about," Maura continues to spill and Carrie moves closer again.

"Money! This was about fucking money!?" Carrie shakes her head in disgust. "And how would killing MY father and child help you with that?"

"Carrie-"

"Tell me goddammit!"

"He has an insurance policy for half a million. I needed to know if I was still the beneficiary. So I took it."

"You took it? What the fuck are you talking about? When!?

Maura is surprised at how horrible she feels about how everything went down, but is mostly just sorry for herself.

"You let me in. YOU let me in the house to get it."

"Fuck! Fuck!" Carrie gets up to pace the room, running her fingers aggressively through her hair.

Every stride of redemption Maura was trying to create was all a lie. Carrie realizes that she never really wanted her back in her life and it's a hard pill the swallow.

"I paid that thing! I deserved that money," Maura shouts.

Carrie stops in her tracks, ready to strike her, but knows it won't do any good.

"You don't deserve a goddamn thing!" Carrie screams in her face, then quickly backs away again trying her best not to cry again. Maura starts to talk again when she thinks Carrie is going to leave.

"I became addicted Carrie," Maura says as Carrie is facing the other way. "Addicted because Sean was addicted. I just wanted him... I wanted us to be happy. To tell you the truth I've been out of control since the day I left. I lost my job. I lost my family. And- and I couldn't help myself. Gambling was really all I had. I ended up losing everything for this man."

Carrie sits back across the table, still listening to everything.

"It's sick Carrie. I know I am. And as sick as I thought your father was, I think I might be worse. I just want to know if you can ever... forgive me?"

Carrie sits there baffled at her apology.

"I never wanted to hurt you Carrie... Carrie?"

Carrie looks up from the table with only emptiness in her eyes.

"I will never forgive you Maura," Carrie answers coldly.

Robbie is watching everything, not believing what he's seeing, and knows that there is not much time.

"If you get the shit beat out of you everyday in prison, it still won't be what you deserve," she adds.

Maura is extremely frustrated with Carrie now after everything she's confessed.

"You little bitch!" Maura says sharply, forcing Carrie to back up. "I mean... Carrie, hunny...," she inverts her tone.

Although Maura made her flinch, she remains where she is and allows her to finish.

"You were the only one I really ever cared about. I'm sorry that I missed your life."

Carrie rises for one last statement.

"I'm not."

Heading towards the door Maura begs her not to leave.

"Carrie! Carrie! Carrrrrriiiie!" Maura cries in agony.

Carrie ignores every scream and opens the door only looking back for a second to take in the pain in Maura's face. The only thing that even came close to justifying what her mother had done to her.

* * *

12:00 p.m.

"Carrie?" Quinn says as she enters the car.

"Just drive. Please drive."

He does what she asks, but gets nothing that indicates what happened.

"Did you get what you wanted?" He asks almost regretting doing so.

"No," she says immediately looking out the window.

"Where do you want me to take you?"

This hits her harder than he had imagined and she begins to cry.

"I don't know where to go. I don't even have a fucking home for her Quinn," she says looking right at him. "What kind of mother am I?"

"A great one."

 


	34. Window seat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really hope this one makes any sense.

 

* * *

 

Tuesday April 29, 2014 12:30 p.m.

"Why did you want to come to this hotel?" Quinn asks her.

"I got into a fight with Maggie the other day. I left some things here."

He's not sure what to say anymore, but he knows she knows that. What could he say? He could jar into the entire situation with her mother, although he already knew as much as he needed to hear. It's enough for him to mentally mark her as 'a bad guy'.

"I'll wait with her," he offers.

"Sure. Thanks," she responds in her lingering depressive tone.

As he waits he becomes sure of where to bring her. He turns back for approval.

"Do you want to bring mama where we went earlier?"

He seems to get approval with a laugh.

"Do you know where we went today?"

He asks when she returns.

"Where?"

"I'll show you."

Still discontent, she doesn't bother to make any more decisions today and nods. Quinn says nothing on the way there. He knows the view will only speak for itself. As they pull up to the estate, he begins to notice her slowly coming out of her slump.

"What is this place?" She finally mumbles.

"An open house."

Carrie can't stop herself from getting out to check the place out. It's absolutely breathtaking. The house itself looks straight out of a damn home and garden magazine. The colonial with flat white paint and navy blue shutters is just her style, boasting 12 full acres of land.

She gravitates with Stella to the backyard taking in the apparent never ending lawn, until of course it reaches the pine covered woods a far distance back.

"He must have really liked the house to bring his wife here to see it," a voice says.

"Excuse me?" Carrie answers quite sure she is talking to her.

"Oh I saw this little one earlier. With your husband?"

"Oh. We are not married," Carrie waves her hand in defense, finding herself chuckling.

Quinn watches a distance away, laughing and glad to see she is enjoying herself.

"Oh I'm sorry for assuming."

"It's fine really."

"Well since you're here, would you like a tour?"

"Ugh...not sure. I'm going to be honest with you-"

"Jan."

"Okay Jan. I do not plan on buying a house today. I'm just putting that out there now," Carrie defends herself again.

"I respect that ma-"

"It's Carrie."

"Okay I respect that Carrie. But it wouldn't hurt to look right?"

If only that realtor knew how important that statement was. But hey it's just a house.

"Sure I guess so."

"Great. The patio to the kitchen is straight over here."

* * *

 

2:00 p.m.

"Why did you bring me there Quinn?" She asks less than a minute down the road.

"You hated it?" He sounds as if he failed her.

"No. I... really liked it. I never thought I could get attached to a fucking building other than Langley."

He rolls his eyes grinning. "Good."

"I'm sure as fuck not moving in with you, you know that Quinn. So why did you show me that house?"

"I just wanted to show you something different," he validates. "I wanted to show you something that you might not have wanted to see on your own."

"So you don't plan on buying the place!?" She sounds surprised.

"What are you kidding me!? No!" He turns and senses minor disappointment. "Why? Did you want me to?"

"Hell no!" She agrees.

"Oh."

"Can you just bring me back to Maggie's?"

"I take it that you don't want me staying there?" He presumes.

"No. It would be a little weird after this morning. Plus I have to figure out what I'm going to do about my job. I have to get back there Quinn!"

"I know."

This is exactly what he wanted to hear. Now he was able to meet with Saul knowing they were going to be safe at Maggie's. However, there's still something else that won't go away for her. The bad blood with her mother.

"Hey," he says whipping the concealed tear flowing out of her right eye, "She will never hurt you again."

He drops them off and Carrie insists that he take her car. There is no point in hiding that he is there to Maggie, who is without a doubt going to question her about him.

* * *

 

4:00 p.m.

"Hey," Maggie says calmly.

"Hey," Carrie answers dully. "I know you have questions Maggie. Whatever you're thinking is probably right."

"Oh? I don't. Well maybe. I was only wondering when you're leaving... again?" Her sister asks with a frown.

"Maggie I have to. This will be my last tour! You can count on that!"

"Can I?"

Carrie says nothing.

"Carrie I think you'll be happier if you just find some roots. Just stay in one place."

"Maybe!" She defends herself. "But I can't leave my job just yet!"

"It's always going to be not yet."

"No questions? Really?"

"And Quinn? I think that's his name? Who is he?"

"I work with him," she immediately spits out.

"Who is he Carrie?" Maggie asks again.

Stella reaches for Maggie and Carrie hands her right over.

"Wow she really missed you today huh?"

"Carrie?"

"Okay. Okay. So we hooked up a few times, so what!"

"Carrie I was never one to dig into who you were with, but that man cares about you. How can you not see it? Or is he more than that?"

Carrie realizes she can't and won't talk about this anymore, as her own feelings aren't even straight to her, and she changes the subject.

"I saw Maura earlier. She hasn't confessed yet."

"She did though. Your friend Robbie stopped by."

"Yeah?" Carrie is curious, shocked that Maggie didn't drop it.

"Yeah. They found dad's insurance policy in the sweep. She finally did confess. She's being transferred tomorrow."

Maura wasn't lying after all.

"What the fuck is wrong with me? Why did I let her back in my life?" Carrie cries.

"You're human Carrie. We all make mistakes. She's going to prison, because of you! You never have to see her again."

"I don't even want her to exist," she says honestly.

Maggie sighs.

"I know."

* * *

 

4:30 p.m.

"Saul get in," Quinn says.

Saul notices whose car he driving, but doesn't particularly interrogate him about it.

"So where's Carrie?" Saul asks.

"With her sister. I told you I don't want her to know that you're here yet?"

"Why the hell not? Is she upset with me for some reason?"

Quinn doesn't hold anything back and tells him flat out.

"Her mother is currently awaiting trial for attempted murder."

"Her mother? What the fuck are you talking about? She told me her mother was dead."

"Carrie's never lied before?"

Saul raises his eyebrows.

"Wow she's pretty shaken up about it then?"

"Well I'd say that since her victims were Frank and Stella that she's more than just a little upset."

"Please tell me they're okay Peter," Saul asks slowly with his eyes shut.

"Stella's okay, she's home. Frank is in critical."

"Christ Peter."

"I know."

"Where are we going?" Saul asks.

"To see Dar."

"What?"

"He knows something. I know it."

"He'll be at the diner in one hour," Saul points out.

"And we will already be there," Quinn explains. "So do you want to hear about Lockhart?"

"Shoot."

* * *

 

5:30 p.m.

Dar walks into the the diner at his usual time to find the last two people he expects to see there. He doesn't hesitate to confront them.

"What in the hell are you two doing here!?" He interrupts them.

"Hello to you too!" Quinn barks.

"The two of you know damn well that you cannot be sharing information. You still work for me Quinn."

Saul allows Quinn to continue as he is doing just fine on his own handling Dar.

"Could have fooled me after yesterday."

"Don't do this Quinn."

"Do what?"

"Don't tell a damn thing to Saul."

"You do know I'm right here Dar?" Saul decides to chime in.

"Stay out of this Saul."

"No you stay out of this," Quinn tells Dar. "You're disrupting my job interview."

"Fucking what?" Dar is now furious. "He did not fire you! He just needs you out of the way!"

Quinn now knows he's right. It isn't just in his head that Lockhart is fucking with them. Dar's aftershock from what he had just said is telling and he can't take it back.

"Fuck!" Dar shouts.

"You better fucking tell me now Dar or I have a feeling you with certainly regret it," Quinn assures him with a grim gaze.

"That's all I know! He said to pull you out. That's it!"

"It better be."

Quinn signs his check and Saul does the same. Still stunned with the trap he fell for, Dar hardly even notices when they leave.

"So back to Istanbul I take it?" Saul says as soon as they get in the car.

"Yes. Fucking Lockhart."

"When?"

"I just have a few things to take care of."

Saul can only imagine right now what that can mean.

"Here's the first 2000," Quinn says handing him over some cash.

"What's this?"

"Plane money."

* * *

 

Wednesday April 30, 2014 6:00 a.m.

This will be the last time he does this. Quinn's sure of it. Carrie knows he is going to do it. He knows she wants him to do it too. Why else would she have called him last night and tell him about it? This was different though. It's personal. It's now only a matter of spotting her.

He's at least a mile back in the field, safe enough to escape. The only factor remaining is whether or not Maura prefers the window seat. His scope will let him know when the bus reaches the stop sign.

 


	35. Where in the world is Carrie Mathison?

 

Wednesday April 30, 2014 6:01 a.m.

The silence creeping up again is unsettling, but not nearly as horrendous as Maura's wrong doing. This woman has drawn her final straw, and unfortunately a comfy prison cell is not in the cards.

His blurred view is hardly a problem. A few turns of the knob now fixes the focus for Quinn as he adjusts his lens. No traffic yet in the remote landscape, but it is sure to come. This particular route is certain.

The bus finally makes an appearance, but not without a challenge. As it slowly begins to descend, her position becomes clear and of course she happens to be on the other side. Quinn has no time to consider any other passenger that might get in his way. As the vehicle is almost stopped, she turns her head to a fellow inmate appearing to laugh at a joke.

_How could she possibly be laughing?_ He thinks. In fact the last time he allows himself to think before he turns into machine mode. He wants it clear who deserves to be dead, aiming as precisely as possible, releasing the trigger just as the wheels roll back.

With his face still glued to the scope, he watches as the aftermath unfolds. A shot right between the eyes. The other inmates are horrified, ducking as if they're under attack. After a few seconds and being sure he hit his target, he makes his way into the woods, retreating back to his truck. He doesn't feel bad about it and won't. The focus is now on what had it all been about to begin with, helping Carrie find peace.

* * *

Wednesday April 30, 3014 9:00 a.m.

"Saul? What are you doing here?" Maggie asks answering the door with Stella in her arms.

"Sorry to drop by unannounced, but is your sister here?"

"No," Maggie says a little annoyed.

"Do you know where she is is?" Saul asks confused.

"She got a call early this morning, some guy named Tony. She said she had to leave," Maggie explains.

"She left the country!? She wasn't suppose to leave yet!"

"Saul you're telling me something I already know."

"No I mean, I think she's in danger," he urges.

"So she knew she was in trouble, yet still left!?"

"Quinn was going to tell her, he was suppose-."

Saul stops as he and Maggie see Quinn heading towards to door.

"Saul? What are you doing here?" Quinn questions.

"Can someone please just tell me what's going on here?" Maggie interrupts before Saul can answer.

"Quinn we need to leave now!"

"Saul?"

"She left already, we need to leave now."

"Fine," Quinn quickly agrees. "I'll have your sister call you when we see her her," he assures Maggie.

Maggie closes her eyes and shakes her head, "Fine."

"Good," Quinn answers as Saul is hustling him to the car.

* * *

 

"Saul you were suppose to leave yesterday, what are you even doing here?"

"Just drive Peter."

"Saul!"

"Fine, I wanted to warn her. I wanted to let her know about Dar."

"I had that taken care of Saul."

"Well obviously you didn't because she's gone. Tony Shalid got to her."

"Tony? Do you think he's in cahoots?"

"We'll find out."

* * *

 

10:00 a.m.

"Carrie Mathison?" The police question as Maggie answers the door.

"Um- no I'm her sister. Is she okay?"

Maggie asks anxiously.

"As far as we know your sister is fine, but she was listed as our contact for inmate number 167427. Legal name Maura Mathison."

"Well I'm her sister and she has left left the country as far as I know. So whatever it is you can tell me." Maggie says agitated. "Maura... she is our mother."

"Well then, I'm here to inform you that she passed away this morning on the way to her permanent facility."

"She's- she's gone!" Maggie cries, the officers not realizing that they're tears of joy.

"We're sorry for your loss," they say as Maggie is hysterical.

"Thank you for letting me know." Maggie tells them as they leave.

* * *

Thursday May 1, 2014 2:00 p.m. (Tehran)

"Carrie? What are you doing here? I was told you were being briefed at Langley?" Emery says.

"Briefed? I tried to talk to Lockhart. He was dodging me all yesterday morning so I left. Came here for myself."

"So you know then?"

"That all of our suspects are currently being ship here from around the world? Yes Tony told me that much."

"Yes well maybe you didn't need to speak with Lockhart. You seem to know what's going on," Emery observes.

"Well what I don't understand is why this happened without my approval!" She says throwing her hands in the air.

"I had nothing to do with this Carrie. Maybe he just knew you'd come."

She stops in her tracks, realizing it was exactly that. Lockhart knew as soon as she'd heard what was going on that she'd be back in an instant.

"I'm going to see Javadi," she says while attempting to rush out.

"Carrie wait!"

"What!"

"We should wait to hear from Langley. Sit tight a bit."

"Why!?"

"Do you really want to go into this blindfolded?"

"I'm not! I have eight days and the clock starts now!"

"Carrie please. You said it to me yourself. Don't pull the trigger until you have all your facts straight."

"Fine... I guess for the time being, tell me everything you know," she reluctantly gives in.

* * *

 

3:00 p.m.

"Quinn? Saul?" Fara questions seeing the two enter the compound.

"Fara where is Carrie?" Saul asks immediately.

"At home? She's not here." Fara explains.

"She got on a plane. What do you mean she's not here?"

"Carrie is not here. But I do know that she spoke with Tony and that he's expecting her soon."

* * *

 

"Carrie's not here, I'm sorry," Tony says.

"Has anything strange happened since she left last week? Anything at all?" Quinn asks.

"Not that I can recall."

"What about Langley. What have you heard from them?"

"I was only told to tell Carrie that her prisoners were on their way to Tehran. That was it."

"And she said?"

"She said she was on her way."

"Yet she's not here? Where else could she be?" Quinn asks then suddenly gasps. "Fuck!"

"What?" Tony says.

"Not what! Where! She's in Tehran."

"You sure?"

"Positive. I'm going there with Saul now. Call me if you hear anything!"

"O-kay? What exactly is going on?"

"That's what I'm trying to find out."

* * *

4:00 p.m.

This is ridiculous, I need to go tell Javadi," Carrie insists to Emery after not getting any substantial information from him.

"Carrie no one knows that you're here. If you leave now you'll be on your own."

"I don't care! I'm not losing my job over everyone else not knowing what the fuck is going on!"

"Carrie please!"

"I'm going."

She leaves the compound and finds her way to Javadi. He suspects that she is the reason for what is going on. It's not as if he didn't approve of the transfers, but he has been weary about the urgency.

* * *

5:00 p.m.

"Can we talk?" She says without a greeting, meeting him right outside headquarters.

"Not here. I was just about to fetch my dinner. Care to join?"

"Fuck! I guess so?"

"I have a car waiting. Come."

* * *

 

"A cheeseburger joint? Really?" Carrie mocks him.

"What can I say, I love your food," Javadi quips.

"Are we alone?"

"Does it look like anyone else is here?"

"Where are you putting these people?"

"Geez we just got here. You can't wait?" "No this has to happen now!" Carrie presses.

"We have a facility directly off the main building. As they come in, we book them in the holding center," Javadi admits.

"Okay and then what? Can I speak with them? I can have a team here in a day."

"I would like to speak with them first. I'll let you have them in a week or so," he offers.

"A week? I don't have a fucking week! I need to figure out what's going on now. I need to know if anything is planned and I need to know exactly why!"

"Patience. Patience. I don't plan on letting many live anyways."

Carrie narrows her eyes at him, looking like she's ready to pounce as his food arrives.

"You know this is not how this works!"

"Okay Carrie three days. That's the best I can do without raising eyebrows."

"Not a second longer!"

"Why the rush!"

_Because my job is on the line!_

"Because that's how I operate."

"Fine Carrie. Can I eat now?"

"Yeah yeah. Sure. Indulge."

As they walk out of restaurant, Carrie and Javadi instinctively notice how quiet everything seems. They exchange a pair of uneasy stares until they see what is happening right before their eyes. They watch as the building directly next to IRGC headquarters is hit, then immediately up in flames, the same building they were headed for.

Javadi is furious and immediately questions her.

"What the fuck is this!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you had forgotten who William Emery was, he is the Station chief in Tehran.


	36. Back to Black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haven't updated this in months, but now I'm extremely anxious to write more CQ fics Including wrapping this one up.

* * *

 

Thursday May 1, 2014 6:30 p.m.

"Let go of me!" Carrie screams.

"No! There is no way! Not after what has happened!" Javadi explains.

His hold onto her uncomfortable until releasing herself, immediately met with a gun to her head.

"Walk now," he commands.

To her dismay she walks with the man who she privately humiliated with no other choice. She regrets coming alone especially that no one knows she is here. Someone had created a disaster for her to clean up, the who in question.

"Where are we going?" She spits.

"You'll see."

"Take her," he quickly prompts the guards.

"No, no! This is not happening! You know what's at stake Javadi!" She fights them.

He ignores her cries, joining the team that is waiting for him. The glowing sunlight soon disappears and she gets an unpleasant greeting into murky territory. The air filled with dust now creating layers, slowly choking her. This was bad. Very bad! Why would this be happening? They had a deal.

* * *

Thursday May 1, 2014 7:30 p.m.

The flight begins to board, Saul and Quinn somewhat patiently wait for their row to be called. A single goal ahead to get Carrie home safe. Her impulses have out maneuvered them, not as if they hadn't entirely not expected it.

"Jesus," Saul mutters.

"What?"

"Look."

The entire tv screen is filled with smoke, Quinn heart sinking right out of his chest. He can't articulate anything. His breathing now impaired.

"Oh my god," Saul can't help but continue saying his worst fears out loud.

Quinn's stunned silence is apparent to Saul, him just now realizing that things have changed since he last left Istanbul.

"Quinn I'm calling Washington. If I'm not back by the time they board go without me," he says to the unresponsive Quinn. "Quinn she's alright I know it."

Saul confidence seems that of a pipe dream, but not one Quinn will ever let go of. If anything he'll die killing every mother fucker who ever hurt her.

* * *

"Jesus Lockhart what have you done!"

"Saul I had nothing to do with this I didn't even know she was in Tehran."

"Bullshit!" Saul screams.

"Saul listen to me, I did nothing. She said she could handle it so I let her. I just brought her in a few days ago to rattle her cage a bit. You know get her mind back into this. She was my only game."

"Fuck!"

"I had no idea she was just going to leave like that."

"Because you don't know Carrie Mathison."

"Meaning?"

"You can't give her a challenge she's not willing to accept. Because nothing is a challenge for her."

"Saul?"

"She better be okay Lockhart. Do you hear what I'm saying?"

"What do you want from me Saul. All I did was give a motivational speech," Lockhart continues his stance.

"Why did you sideline Quinn? Can you answer me that?"

"He was getting in the way of her. He's the only one that would stop her."

Saul takes off his glasses, rubbing his tired eyes.

"No, he's the only that can save her. Do you realize that he's been in that building?"

* * *

Quinn boards the plane alone, in solitary like he's used to, but he needs her. And he knows she needs him there to tell him that everything is going to be okay. Their journey complicated, yet rewarding in everyway he'd never imaged. Only with her could he feel that sense of hope that he'd never encountered in the past, and a sense of love that he didn't know he had in him. He belonged.

He remembers the look on her face at the house and wants to regret putting in an offer. If she's gone it will only be a reminder every day of how he failed her. Not telling her that he loves her. He should have tried harder to keep her there.

* * *

9:00 p.m.

Javadi makes his way into the filthy room showing an unreadable face, but he's angry and she knows it.

"Carrie." He states annoyingly.

"It wasn't me, if that's what you're thinking. So cut the bullshit and let me go Javadi."

He smirks and begins pacing.

"You really don't get it Carrie do you?"

"Stop fucking with me. It wasn't me! Lockhart, he must have done this."

He can't stop laughing now, sending a a chill through the already cold room.

"This is what you wanted anyway right? For all of them to die? To pay?" Carrie points out.

"See I knew you had it in you," he cracks.

Her eyes widen swelling from the dirt, giving everything she has not to believe what he is about to say.

"But of course, everyone here thinks you did it," he snarls.

She swears she can feel her whole heart stop when she realizes she probably won't be going home and regrets ever coming back to this place.

"What the fuck do you want Javadi?" she demands in a fury.

"The documents."

Her tone now bitter, nothing really to lose now.

"You want off the leash? All of this fucking shit for that?"

"More or less. I haven't released your name yet. If you were wondering."

"That's it? We release the blackmail to you and it's over?"

"Yes."

"So let me go then. I have to get back to D.C. if you want them."

"No," he makes clear.

Her voice cracks next, not being able to hide it.

"I'm going to die down here, aren't I?"

She stays calm despite predicting her fate. Javadi clearly taken aback by how straight forward she is instead of showing pure fear. They share a long silence and now she's unsure if he even considered that to begin with.

"I haven't decided yet."

"You had it fucking made with me Javadi. Trust me you don't have it in you to be on your own."

* * *

10:00 p.m.

He hustles to to opts 2 after the aggravating checkpoint at security, sorting through his array of weapons.

"I need to speak with Emery," he demands.

"Okay Mr. Emery is a bit busy at the moment. Do you want to wait?"

"No. It needs to be now."

"And what is this in regards to?"

"Not what who. Tell him it's about Carrie Mathison."

* * *

"Look she said she had to go see him immediately. What was I suppose to do?"

"You should have stopped her! That's what you should have done!"

"And done what? Tied her to the chair?"

Quinn's violated by his proposal, putting his hands around Emery's throat. His nostrils flaring in anger taking to his heavy breathing. When he realizes that Emery is suffocating before his eyes, he releases quickly.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Quinn drops to the floor violently running his hand through his hair.

Emery can see the pain in his face and knows there is more to it. She was more to him. He catches his breath trying to come up with the slightest clue.

"I can send a team," Emery offers his help.

"No... it's not safe. I'll go."

"She helped me in a time of need I'll have you know. And I truly give you my best wishes in getting her home safely."

"Thank you, I means a lot. And I'm sorry for that, for what it's worth."

* * *

6:00 a.m.

Quinn's armed enough to take out an army, because that's exactly what he was doing. He loads the last pistol, stashing it where he could. His pulse elevated waiting for it to begin. His phone rings which he ignores at first, the pulsating sounds distracting him from his mission ahead.

_Fuck!_

"Saul?"

"He wants the blackmail Quinn. It's everything to him."

"You're sure?"

"Positive."

"Did you send them? Did you send him the documents?"

Saul stays silent.

"Saul? Saul did you fucking send it?"

"Peter it was everything to us. Our work!"

"Goddamn Saul! Are you fucking kidding me!"

"I told Lockhart to wait. You have to understand! Do you think this will stop him from what he might do to her?" Saul stands his ground.

"Fuck you Saul!"

"Quinn."

"You selfish piece of shit Saul I fucking trusted you! You better be where I can't find you when I come back."

Quinn violently smashes the phone into tiny pieces vowing to kill Saul if and when he returns.

With his blood now boiling Quinn surveys the security outside the headquarters counting each and every marksman. One miscount could be his life, which also meant hers. He circles the property diligently hiding in the shadows, his breath and movement completely silent. Finally ready to attack, his eyes and ears lock on the basement door coming undone. A half dozen men pile out wielding their automatics, shuffling to load the truck.

He marks them immediately ready to fire. And then he sees her. He knows it's her and it's not too late. The faint golden tint of her locks peaking out from the sack over her head, violently being dragged into the truck.


	37. Almost perfect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So excited to be at a point where I know the endgame of this story. Have so much planned and I hope you all enjoy ;)

* * *

Friday May, 2 2014 6:00 a.m.

"Quit dragging you're fucking feet," an officer says to her, putting out his cigar on the side of the truck.

Quinn's sure to put a bullet in his head first for treating her like that. He knows she's scared, even if she was pretending she wasn't, because he knows her. The walls she put up to mask her vulnerability. He wants to melt it all down and literally kiss her pain away. Wants her to just let him in. Completely. Eventually one of them - rather both of them - needed to stop fucking running away. A couple days here and there where they've gotten to be together. It's so right that it seems wrong? How would they ever know?

That house is their foundation, he just knows it. The start of a new life together and it's something they both love. It's not a cage or a jail cell, but a home. If she could just admit it like he finally has.

* * *

He waits by his motorbike preparing to tail them, smoking a cigarette of his own. When they hit the road, Quinn falls back, headlights completely off. He doesn't need them anyways they're right up ahead, he can see.

It's getting cooler out, but keeping him wide awake. When they get off the main road, he uses the dust as a guide, his map. The thought of losing them makes his heart thump. Finally their brake lights give and he kills the engine. Silence being his most sacred weapon.

* * *

6:30 a.m.

He crawls on the ridge desperate for a view of her. It's there, but unpleasant. Javadi unties her face covering and hands, forcing her look him in the eye. Quinn can hardly hear them speaking.

"What are we doing here?" She finally shows him how terrified she actually is.

"It seems that no one followed through for you. Perhaps you should let me tell you that you are not leaving Iran alive." He lights his cigarette. "When we are done, then you die."

He's right, no one is doing anything about it. She's on her own, for real this time.

"What makes you think you're going to get away with this?" She barks, still terrified.

"The same reason that you thought that you were going to get away with what you had done."

"Bullshit! You won't! Can you just get it over with?"

Quinn wants to kill them all now. Just wants to jump out taking the first shot at Javadi, then the asshole who pushed her. Too soon though, they're still surveying the area. He wants her breathing.

"Now repeat after me. You're going to want to remember this," Javadi says.

"Remember what?" The first tear escapes her.

You're going to have to stop that crying if we're going to get this done."

"I don't give a fuck!" She sobs.

"This is what you're going to say. Now let them make you look pretty. Sit."

She forced to sit on a folding chair in front of a green screen as they clean her up.

"My name is Carrie Mathison, the Station chief in Istanbul, Turkey. I am responsible for the bombing that took place at IRG headquarters last night in Tehran, in retaliation-"

"How about fuck you!" She swiftly cuts him off.

Javadi is now enraged with her cooperation.

"You do what I say, because I have plans if you do not."

"Oh worse than killing me? Really?"

"If you do not do what I say, I will find your daughter and slaughter her like livestock."

When he tells her this, the same demons that escape his mouth now possess her bones. She jumps off the chair making sure to spit in his face.

"You fucking fucker! I'll fucking kill you! Fuck-"

Carrie's restrained by three men and they finally gag her mouth and force her to sit back down. Her sobbing increases, but not for herself. They can't calm her either.

"You need to stop so that we can start the tape!"

She nods bawling.

Quinn's having a hard time trying not to vomit. He's done with this. It can't wait any longer. A minute or two of blind and silent searching through his bags and he finds the smoke bomb.

She begins seconds after "Hi... my name is Carrie Mathison, the CIA Station chief in Istanbul-"

The smoke appears rapidly. The hazy, poisoned air is slowly taking a toll on her despite the fact that she's sitting. When she's grabbed, she fights her abductor.

Quinn doesn't let go of her, spraying bullets in the opposite direction. The hitting from her stops when she passes out from the fumes, draped over his other shoulder. He still shoots until the clip is empty. Directly after he retreats to his bike.

He sets her down, needing her to get up.

"Carrie wake up! Wake up!" He shakes her.

She coughs a bit, out of it mostly.

"Carrie," he sits her up, "Put this on we have to go."

"Quinn! What the fuck? What the fuck happened?" She puts on the helmet. "Carrie on the bike now," he commands bring her to her feet. "Hold on tight," he says securing her hands around his waist.

* * *

8:00 a.m.

"Fuck Carrie," he lifts her off the bike, holding her as close to him as possible.

She had fallen asleep again, which is exactly why he held on as tight as he did. They force him to wake her at Embassy security.

"I didn't think I'd see you again," she sobs into his chest.

"I'm here," he sets her down. "Let's go inside," he says with his arm still around her.

"Sir we need to check your weapons."

It seems endless with what he's pulling from his possession. Grenades, ninja stars, 3 pistols, a mac-10, 4 switchblades, tear gas he puts into the tray. Carrie's almost surprised.

"You can only take 1 knife and 1 pistol," they inform him.

"I'll be back soon enough."

They're guided to the room she'd been staying in equip with a bedroom, kitchen and bathroom after Carrie refuses a doctor. He has her take a seat while he fetches her water.

"Here drink this."

She does so not realizing how thirsty she actually is. He sits across from her never taking his eyes off her.

"Better?" he asks.

"Much," she takes a breath after chugging the water. "Quinn I don't even know how-"

"I didn't like that Carrie. That you left like that," he interjects.

"I didn't think anyone would come," she says sadly.

"How could I not?"

She takes a deep breath, giving a shy smile.

"I'm sorry. This was all my fault Quinn."

"Stop! Did they hurt you?" He inspects her arms.

"No," she lets him anyways. "I just want to go home."

"With me?" He says suddenly.

She says nothing. He's almost ready to just punch a hole in the wall. Ready to take all the plates and smash them. Preparing for his heart to broken into pieces for the first and only time. She claims she doesn't want to be rejected yet here she was rejecting him after letting him think there was a chance.

"Of course," she has a hard time saying, only because of the hoarseness of her voice.

"I won't leave you Carrie. I can't."

"I didn't want you to I-"

He says it suddenly, forgot why it was then and there. Doesn't even remember forming the words coming out of his mouth. "I think I love you Carrie."

He stares into her eyes and swears that he can see into her soul. That she's thinking the same thing too.

"Carrie?" His tone almost a whisper.

"I think I do too."

She stands up running a hand through her knotted hair, halfway turning her back to him. She hangs onto the table for support.

"I'm just scared Quinn," he hears.

"I'm not. You're good," his confidence gets to her.

She climbs into his arms this time and doesn't let go. He always knew what to say even when she thought he wouldn't. Her doubt in him so often, yet he always knew exactly what to say. Exactly when too. In fact sometimes almost perfect.

* * *

Thursday May 1, 2014 8:00 p.m. (d.c. time)

"Dad we're going to get you out of here soon. Come on you need to rest," Maggie tells Frank.

He's not entirely with it, Maggie is only ecstatic that he's awake.

"Where's your sister?" He asks again.

Maggie sighs. And she won't dare tell him about Maura.

"I already told you dad. I don't know, but she was here. I promise you."

He nods faintly, drifting back to sleep.

"Where are the girls?" He asks, eyes shut.

"Dad you know they couldn't come, they're with Bill."

He nods again, then opens his eyes.

"I found her," he says louder than he'd been speaking.

Maggie stops cleaning his room to calm him.

"Dad just-"

"I can't hear what she's saying."

"What are you talking about dad?"

"Turn it up," he points to the tv.

The image of Carrie flashes on the news. An anonymous video outing her as a spook.

Maggie hurries for the remote, blasting the volume.

'Hi... my name is Carrie Mathison, the CIA station chief in Istanbul. Hi... my name is Carrie Mathison, the CIA station chief in Istanbul. Hi... my name is Carrie Mathison, the CIA station chief in Istanbul.'

It plays over and over, reporters speculating the reason it's released.


	38. I'm not going anywhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters to go. The endgame with be compliant based on this particular story. It's all mapped out to the T.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story needs a little smut. Finally got a chance.

* * *

 

 

Friday May 2, 2014 8:30 a.m.

The knock starts out slowly, ascending into what feels like a violation. They might as well be busting down the door. Carrie looks at Quinn with worried eyes.

"I'll get it," he says releasing her, still in full protection mode.

She faintly hears their conversation until she's summoned.

"Ms. Mathison?"

"Yes."

"We need to fly you out of the country as soon as possible," the officer says.

"Why?" She asks with concern echoing through her voice.

"Your cover, it's been blown. Grab what you need."

"I'm not leaving without him."

"Sir do you have your identification?" He directs toward Quinn."

"Yes."

"Ten minutes. Then you need to move."

She rushes to the tv, immediately knowing the cause. It's everywhere, what they had been able to tape that is. He knows it, she knows it, she'll never work in the Middle East again -or anywhere. She heads to the shower while he packs their things.

Quinn remembers what Saul did and how much he wants to break his fucking neck. Actually pinpointing how he wants to do it. It's aching in his chest, the fact that he has to tell her about it.

* * *

8:50 a.m.

They board the plane in silence, double checking to make they have everything. Take off goes pretty smooth, Quinn holding her hand until they go up.

He tucks her close to him, rubbing her arm.

"I'm sorry Carrie."

"I'm fine Quinn."

"You sure?" He tests her.

"Yeah."

"We'll be home soon, sooner than you know it," his voice continues to soothe her.

She moves away from him, slightly, ready to talk.

"It was a lot Quinn. And fuck, I just want to be home. With Stella.." he wants to speak, but knows she's not done. "...and you!"

He kisses her lightly on the lips, wants to hear her again.

"I want to try this Quinn. For real this time."

"Me too."

"I just want to be okay."

His lips linger this time and he locks his hands to the back of her head. Her hand finds his shoulder wanting, rather needing to touch him. The resilience he held so powerful, she knows he has enough for the both of them. Now intertwined, he shifts back and she's smothering him.

"Quinn," she says between kisses.

"Yeah?"

"I have to use the bathroom."

They're now well into the air and no other passengers beside the two pilots are aboard.

* * *

She's been in their awhile, he sits there wondering what's taking so long. Decides to find out for himself.

"Carrie?" He knocks lightly.

She wipes the tears out of her eyes trying to compose her self.

"Just a sec!"

Quinn knows she's not okay. Not okay with what happened.

"Carrie just let me in. I want to talk to you."

"Quinn. I'll be-"

"Come on Carrie."

The door clicks, she gives in. But when she sees him again the tears start to flow.

"I don't know what I'm going to do Quinn," she lets him hold her in his arms, rubbing circles on her back. "I screwed everything up. My job is fucked."

"We'll figure it out Carrie. We will."

She loves how he was saying we instead of you. Loves how sure he is.

"I bought a house," he tells her.

"You did?" She muffles into his chest.

"Yeah..." he stops for a minutes, then realizes what he's about to say is fine.

"I'd like it... if you guys could come, have a place to live."

She laughs, still stifled against his body.

"I'll take that as a yes?"

"I love that house."

Carrie backs away to look at his face. She brushes her hand under his jaw, watches him smile. Before she has a second to react, his lips discover hers. A durable web connecting them.

His control becomes limited, re-exploring her entire body again. The layers between them are starting to become annoying. His hand begins slipping off her cardigan, as his mouth becomes suctioned to her neck.

"Is that okay?" He allows himself to breathe.

"Yeah," her faint voice whispers.

Soon enough they're both down to nothing. Difficult given the amount of room in the airplane bathroom. It's clumsy as they're trying to figure out how to use their space.

"You sure you don't want to wait?" He asks.

"I'm sure."

He's apparently nervous this time, trying to wait. Still needing to be absolutely sure she wanted him.

"We haven't used protection," he says.

"I don't care," she presses against his body, feeling his erection on her stomach. "Pick me up."

Quinn lifts her into the air by her thighs, showering her with kisses while she wraps her legs just above his waist and her arms around his neck. He can just feel how ready she is with her heat grinding just above his cock. His hands slide down, cupping her by his ass, lifting her up slightly to lower her on to his prick. A moan escapes her as soon as she feels him.

"Shhhhhhh," he attempts to quiet her. "We don't want them to hear us."

He bends his knees slightly, and uses the wall behind him to begin thrusting. Her arms lock tight behind his neck so she can move herself.

His movements are torpid, like he needs to be in her forever. Slowly drawing her up, then down finding a rhythm with his push. His voice becomes harsh grunting noises with her moaning and he doesn't want it to stop.

He stops to turn them around pushing her back against the wall, still holding her in place. There's more room to roam for him now, though she can't. He quickening the pace, careful not to hurt her.

The sounds she's making becomes unbearable and he places a single hand over her mouth. She doesn't protest, instead her breath is even more fierce, smothered by his had.

"You've got to be quiet," he teases her, memorizing what she likes most based on the shapes of her lips forming in his hand.

His pumps become quicker, yet shallow like he wants to pull out because he's ready. She she shakes her head and he removes his hand.

"No... no... no..." she whispers between breaths.

She's going to come he knows it. He knows she's going to scream and covers her mouth again. The vibrations of her voice against his hand send a shock through him, causing him to suddenly spill into her. His hand still lies in place until she's silent, completely still.

Quinn delicately slides her off of him, tightening the floor space they share.

"Thank you," she kisses him.

"That's what I was going to say."

"Do you think they heard us?" She asks.

"No," he says it whether he believes it or not.

He helps Carrie get dressed seeing a tiny bruise on her back. It's the little things that set him off.

"You promise they didn't hurt you?"

"No," she sees him starring at her back. "I think that was us."

"Sorry."

* * *

9:00 a.m. (D.C. time)

The rest of the flight is uneventful. They sleep a full 12 hours before finally waking over the Atlantic Ocean, almost home.

Landing is like a delusion. Finally there and her last trip home.

"Will you come to Maggie's with me?" She says it as a question, but it's more like a statement.

"I've got my truck here."

"Good," she grins.

* * *

9:00 a.m.

"I fucked up Mira. I really fucked up."

"I can't believe you did that Saul."

"She's going to die because of me. They're going to string her up like meat, or worse!"

"They won't tell you where she is?"

"No," his face is in his hands. "I was kicked out. Lockhart ended up sending it over."

Mira shakes her head in disgust.

"You're going to regret this Saul. She's like a daughter to us!"

"Don't you think I know that!" His anger takes over. "I need to make this right!"

"Then do it!" Mira grabs her purse heading for the door. "I need to leave."

As he sits there watching the news coverage in shock over what he has done, footage of Javadi arriving at the headquarters pops up. He's battered and bruised, looking like someone had gotten to him. Saul can only think the worst of what had happened to her.

When he notices the slightest smile escape Javadi, he wants revenge. Revenge for her and himself. Nothing is going to stop him.

* * *

10:00 a.m.

After acquiring an enormous amount of sleep during the flight, Carrie rushes out of the car like she'd been gone for a year. It'd only been a couple of days, but nobody could convince her of that. She presses the doorbell like it's a lifeline.

"Ca- Carrie," Maggie says in complete shock, hugging her immediately. "I was so worried about you."

"I'm sorry Maggie. I'm sorry. I'm okay. Quinn he-"

He walks slowly towards the porch, weary about it.

"My god Carrie."

Carrie waves her hand for him to join them.

"Maggie this is Quinn," she finally introduces them. "Quinn, my sister Maggie."

"We've met," he says.

Carrie arches a brow.

"He was here looking for you."

"He found me," she says. "Where is she Maggie!?"

"In the living room."

Carrie rushes past her.

"Thank you for bringing her back," Maggie tells him.

"Of course."

She sees Stella on the floor playing with her toys and scoops her up.

"I'm sorry baby!" She holds her. "I'm not leaving again."

Stella's excited to see her, touching Carrie's face when she pulls back.

"Hi," Carrie's smiling at her. Stella was the only one who could make her smile the way she was.

Maggie doesn't want to interrupt, but so many things had happened.

"Carrie I'll put on some tea. You staying for awhile?"

"I'm not going anywhere."


	39. Bad form

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ending coming soon...

Friday May 2, 2014 10:30 a.m.

Carrie sips her tea and relaxes on the couch wondering how long it would last. There's still so much to deal with. And whatever Maggie is about to say to her probably won't help, but it's got to happen sooner or later. She's the now the poster child for international fuck ups. Everyone has seen her face, knows who she is, knows what she does. In it a mile deep and a foot wide.

"Are you in trouble?" Maggie asks first.

"I don't know," she's honest.

Quinn takes his time in the kitchen while they start talking, putting together an elaborate concoction. He's still not even remotely clear about where the line is with Carrie's sister.

"I didn't even know that was your job title."

"I told you that."

"No, you said you were the boss. That could have meant a lot of things. I didn't think-"

"You didn't believe me," Carrie says flatly, cutting her off swiftly.

"So you can't...can't...you-"

"No. Never again." They both take a deep breath. "I'm just happy to be here and alive okay Maggie? I don't... care about that okay?"

Maggie can tell, tell she does care. Probing right now wasn't going to help or make her say anymore at the moment. There were other things she needed to know anyways.

"Are you hurt?" Maggie asks.

"No," Carrie responds quietly.

"Good," Maggie sips her own tea, trying to figure how to tell her about Maura.

"I have to yell you something Carrie."

"What is it?

Quinn takes a seat next to Carrie and Maggie gets nervous.

"Is it okay if I tell him?"

"Yeah," she looks at his reassuring face. "Tell us what? Are you okay?" Carrie's concern now grows for Maggie.

"Yeah."

"Maggie?"

"She's... dead Carrie."

Carrie chokes on her drink, coughing.

"What?"

"She died. Mom's dead," Maggie tells her.

"Oh. H- how?" Carrie has trouble getting out her words.

"I didn't ask. I could find out, if you want."

Quinn forces his eyes to refrain from changing, trying his best to stay still as he takes her hand. Carrie looks at him briefly, then the other way as her chin quivers.

"Carrie?" Maggie asks concerned when she's silent.

"I don't want to know Maggie. I just want to know why I feel this way."

Quinn squeezes his hand on her leg trying to comfort her, not realizing how tight at first, but at least she knows he's there. He hadn't realized that she didn't know it was done or if she even remembered. Or maybe she did and just hearing it now made it all different.

"How do you feel?" Maggie asks.

"Relieved... sad... but happy. Like I don't have a mother. Like she's finally gone," she spits out. "Does that make me horrible?"

"No. It makes you normal. You should feel that way."

"Yeah?" Carrie asks.

"Yeah... I'm sorry she hurt you Carrie"

"It wasn't me she hurt."

"Dad's awake Carrie," Maggie finally tells her.

"He is!?" Her demeanor changes. "Have you seen him?"

"I have. He's worried about you Carrie. He wants to see you."

"I want to see him. I do," Carrie says.

"Why don't you go while Stella naps. I think you need it."

"Okay. Okay. You don't mind?" She's jumpy.

"No."

"I'll take you," Quinn says.

"Thanks."

* * *

11:00 a.m.

He's mute at first until they're a block in. Then he opens up her hand with his and gives her the shell casing. She stares at it for awhile, knowing exactly what it was.

"Thank you," she whispers. "I'm glad you didn't tell Maggie."

She had known all along that he was going to do it. Maggie wouldn't understand. She would look at him differently. That is it. They don't ever speak about it again. Ever.

"Carrie I have to tell you something when we leave the hospital okay?" Quinn says.

"Yeah," she shakes her. Whatever it was, she knew it could wait.

* * *

12:00 p.m.

"Hi dad," she approaches him like an injured fawn. Frank removes his nebulizer so she can hear him.

"Come here Carrie, come on," he waves his hand the best he can as she hesitates. "I'm not mad at you."

She immediately hugs him. "I'm sorry dad. I'm so sorry this happened to you."

His arm is loose around her, yet seeming to get stronger as the seconds pass.

"It's okay. It's okay." He's voice is still weak from the ventilator.

Carrie releases in order to see his face again. It's still hard for her the believe that he's really believe that he's okay.

"I want see all of you."

"Soon dad."

"I saw you on TV."

"Yeah. It a... it means I'm staying home. For good. I promise."

Frank smiles and the color in his cheeks appears again.

He starts drifting to sleep while smiling.

"Dad? Dad!"

He opens his eyes once more.

"I'm tired Carrie. Go home. Give that baby kisses for me."

Frank always knew how the make her laugh, even in the most dyer of situations.

"I will."

* * *

1:00 p.m.

Quinn had waited in the car, allowing Carrie to speak with Frank alone.

"Ready?"

"Yeah."

"Carrie we need to talk about Javadi."

"Do you know why he tried to kill me?" It has been in the back of her mind all this time. She had wondered why no one else interfered with him, except Quinn despite his reason.

"Saul wanted to save the Javadi operation. He didn't want to give it up. He made everyone believe that is what you wanted."

"He doesn't! Fuck!" Is all she can say.

"I'm not happy with him Carrie," he says coldly.

"I know," she says having no more tears left in her. "I'm not going to Langley today. I can't."

"Tomorrow?"

"I don't know," the weight of everything seems to drain her, "Can we just, go back?"

"Yeah."

* * *

Monday May 5, 2014 2:00 p.m.

They continue to stay with Maggie who didn't seem to mind. Carrie was still dealing with Langley and had her own personal PR team to deal with the incident. She stepped down before they even suggested her too, though her employment there is not in instant jeopardy. The investigation was going to take months. Still the one question on everyone's conscious had been 'where is Saul?', including her.

Javadi is also alive. He makes several appearances on TV. He tells the world how he is a victim, blaming the United States for the tragedies, calling the deceased innocent. The media automatically connected Carrie's video with the incident, though Javadi doesn't publicly acknowledge it quite yet. His implications though make it seem like it is bound to happen.

"So?" Quinn asks as she gets home.

"Well they haven't fired me yet," she says. "And uh... still no Saul."

Quinn becomes temporarily occupied with Javadi flooding the screen.

"Turn that shit off Quinn. I don't want you getting any ideas. It's over! He's someone else's problem now."

"No one will ever get as close as I did," Quinn reminds her. "He's fucking planning something. I just know it."

"Quinn, there's nothing we can do. Okay? I want to move past it."

He sighs. "Okay."

Carrie sits next to him, folding her stance.

"Who am I kidding? I'm fucked!"

"Don't say that. The embassy can fix this Carrie."

"What my freelance mission?"

"I'm sure that Emery is working with the ambassador to fix this."

"Too bad we'll never know now."

"Maybe it's better that way," he says.

He was right, maybe it was better not knowing. Having trust in people like she had expected from so may others.

* * *

Tuesday May 6, 2014 9:30 a.m. (Tehran)

Saul approaches the gate after days of scoping the place out. Now was the time. He places a finger on the buzzer, waiting.

"You have no car and no badge. The police will be with you shortly," Security makes clear through the intercom.

"No no. I need to speak with Javadi."

"Walk away! Now! Put your hands up!"

Javadi is checking his email when he spots him on the security cameras, he can see through his pathetic disguise..

"Let him in," Saul hears his voice overpowering security.

* * *

"Saul, what a pleasant surprise," Javadi snaps his finger, prompting his detail to exit.

"Bad form," Saul tells him as soon as they're alone, taking a seat.

Javadi scrunches his face acting smug.

"Wipe that fucking look off your face. You ruined her!"

"Saul Saul Saul. You see you are playing in my court now. Thanks to her, I'm getting a promotion. Soon I will be Supreme leader."

"I don't think so," Saul begins to shake knowing what's at stake.

"You're nervous," Javadi says. "Why don't I get you a drink."

Saul nods as he pours them two heaping glasses of whiskey. He finishes it quickly, while Javadi nurses his drink.

"Why are you here Saul?" He finally asks.

"I come to let you know that you've lost."

Javadi laughs hysterically.

"In what way can you convince me? You have nothing Saul."

"Then we wait," Saul folds his arms.

"Until?"

Saul watches the clock pensively, waiting for the right moment.

"Now," Saul says grabbing Javadi's remote to turn on the TV.

Details of classified documents appear across the screen from an anonymous source, publicly incriminating Javadi. His hands wrap around Saul's neck, slowly choking him.

"They'll be here any minute," Saul struggles to say while his throat is constricted.

Javadi grunts fiercely as he throws Saul to the ground and grabs his revolver. Saul surrenders his hands, making his way to his feet. The gun cocks with the bullet ready in the chamber.

"You son of a bitch!" Javadi screams.

"Put the gun down."

"Fuck you!"

"She didn't deserve that."

Javadi finishes his drink and locks the door while still holding the gun to Saul. Saul's eyes wander looking for anything to defend himself. The closest thing to him is a flagpole.

He manages to unhinge it, lunging it at his face. Blood trickles down Javadi's face and Saul tackles him for the gun. The door knocks and both men pay no attention, fighting for the gun that's barely out of reach. Saul makes a crucial error while attempting to gain a temporary weapon and Javadi shoots the ceramic right out of his hand.

Javadi hovers over Saul with a sinister look in his eyes. They both know what is about to happen, it's going to happen. Two shots fired to the head killing Saul instantly. The police promptly tare down the door arresting Javadi.

* * *

Tuesday May 6, 2014 6:00 a.m. (D.C.)

Quinn wakes steadily after hearing Stella stir. Usually Carrie would wake up too, but she's sound asleep. He takes her down stairs to feed them both. Normally he didn't turn on the TV right away in the kitchen, but figured the back round noise would wake him up.

He doesn't even acknowledge what's happening until he hears his name, heart racing. When he wakes her with urgency she panics.

"Quinn what!?"

"Come on," he forces her out of bed

She enters the kitchen, first seeing Stella playing in her highchair.

"Hi baby," she thinks maybe it was something with Stella. When he tilts her head, the shock quickly accumulates as they witness a noose being prepared for none other than Majid Javadi.

She runs to her phone which she had left down stairs all night. There are a total of 176 missed calls.

She dials Langley first just as the screen goes black, refusing to televise the proceeding events about to take place.

"Lockhart!"

"They were stolen the documents," he discloses immediately.

"Yeah! Who?"

"It was..."

"Lockhart!? Please!"

"... it was Saul."

Her breathes are shallow now, anaphylactic like. Lockhart knows she knows.

"I'm sorry Carrie."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I killed Saul... but I had to. One more to go after this. It will all come together, full circle. The final chapter will revisit ideas from the first few chapters with Saul and Carrie and the Cia, as well as "The Star". I will also resolve the end game of Carrie, Stella and Quinn.


	40. This is the way we want to live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter. It's basically written as a bunch a snapshots into everyone's future, mostly Carrie and Quinn. I did my best to wrap up all of the story lines. Thank you everyone for taking the time to read and follow my first fic. It was just a good time to end it while going pretty much full circle with it.

Saturday May 17, 2014 10:00 a.m.

This is what it all came down to for him. His last moments spent with a person he loathed, the enemy in fact. For what, to get back to square one? But he had felt so guilty for what he'd done and get back at Javadi that he wagered his own life.

His funeral is today, so many people around. Carrie wants to blame herself so much but can't, because nobody will let her. Especially not Mira - and Quinn for that matter. It was like Mira had expected this day to come. It had been a strange kind of preparedness. Like he himself had already had this stuff picked out and ready for her. It's something she's never even considered before, because she really didn't care. What would happen if she was the one gone?

Although Mira pretends everything's fine, Carrie knows she's not. Not everything anyways. Mira was just happy that they sent his body back to America. They were bitter about being accountable for the guilty party, but had the decency to do that. The fact that he can have a proper funeral and goodbye is assuring. Carrie sits with Mira holding her hand as they say while the service goes on. They both speak at the podium about him, what he meant to them.

Mira had no one left here in America, just Carrie. And even though Mira tells her she's going back to India, she knows she'll come visit. She told her she would and she believes her. Not a shadow of a doubt.

The only thing Carrie has left from him beyond her friendship with Mira is a clean state for her and her career. Her investigation is closed due the compelling evidence pointing to the also deceased Javadi. A chance to claim any position she wants. He'd tried to tell her what she wanted, but the more he did the more and more she repelled. He had watched as she was submerged underwater, quickly sinking to the bottom and now it's like she floated right to the top, built a life raft out of nothing, and threw some people up there with her, thriving. She wants to what's right, something that can change what happens next. Definitely build a future, something to build on. He'd want that for her, to be free. She just knows she's sick of death and wants to do everything in her power to prevent it.

* * *

Friday August 15, 2014 6:00 p.m.

Carrie stares at the wall taking it in as she had done almost a year ago. More stars have been added once again, although not as many as the year before. It's in fact the first time she's seen it since. The piece she'd drawn has disappeared, replaced with official stars, but she remembers exactly what it looked like. All of the heart she had put into it. The only part of her heart that she had left then she'd put into it. He'd be happy for her and for Stella that they made it, even if it had to be without him. That they could just be together.

And now Saul was gone too. His heart overshadowing his mind, to this point. He had burned down his whole empire to redeem himself, to protect her from what he had done. The consequences had been sure. But she doesn't need to draw another star and just thinking about what Saul would say makes her smile. He'd be grateful that she didn't have to join the witness protection program or have to live everyday worrying about Javadi or get fired for something she didn't do - again. They'd both want her to go on.

She's gone to his grave a few times since. Even if Brody had had one, she has convinced herself that she wouldn't have gone - not right away anyways. But it's okay now. She can't bring these people back, but forgetting them was never an option. They'll always be with her.

She'll tell Stella one day about him, her father. She knows she has too. Everyone deserves to know where they came from. It'll be hard she knows it, but she'd always been the stronger one out of the two of them. For now she keeps a picture that Dana had given her, waiting for when it's right.

"Hey," Quinn comes behind her after a few minutes, knowing that she needed a moment.

"I'm fine," she tells him.

"I know. Do you want to-"

"No. We can go home."

He doesn't have to ask anymore. At this point he knows she's sure. She'd really always been.

* * *

Saturday September 13, 2014

Carrie has Stella's first birthday party two days after her birthday. The celebration of life feels so meaningful. _A_ _year? Wow._ She'd thought. A whole year that brought her joy in ways she'd never envisioned. What it is to give and get back. She found that she loved giving more than receiving though.

In some ways she feels Quinn is more excited than her, which is kind of scary. Like this child was just an added bonus being with her. That's what she'd hoped for and got it. He won't even tell Carrie what he got for her. Though he'd just started his classes and hasn't been home much at all, he made sure to spend his free time with them. This beautiful home they have and are able to share this day there with everyone else.

Her camera has been so active lately. Capturing the moments that she doesn't want to end. Just silly things like when Stella opens her mini kitchen set, and Quinn smiles like a kid on a candy shop rushing in to rip open the package with her and Stella is so giddy that she can't sit still, quivering with excitement. They don't do it purpose, but sometime they make her shake, the thought of them. It's surreal. This is the way they want to live.

* * *

Tuesday December 23, 2014 6:00 p.m.

Quinn is sleeping on the couch on the pillows that he hates. Carrie insisted that they have the pillows from her apartment at the house. She tore apart Maggie garage praying that she'd kept them. He fucking hates how stiff they are, but he's actually starting to break them in. Well not sleeping, just resting. Just taking a few minutes before they get home, yet all he can ever think about is them.

"Hi we're here," he sits up hearing more footsteps than he anticipated. When he sees that there are four children instead of one it makes sense now.

"Sleep over?" He asks, watching the three girls run past him.

"I told you I was taking them tonight."

"Here?"

"Yeah here. Maggie and Bill are moving his stuff in today. They wanted to do it before Christmas."

"Okay then, sleep over it is," he's enthusiastic about it. "A night of pretty pretty princess for me I take it?"

"Can you just watch Frankie while I go to the car? You see how much shit I had to haul here," she says placing the sleeping baby next to him.

She comes back to him making those silly faces with Frankie that he used to do with Stella at that age, giving him that look of disapproval on what he may be thinking. "Don't get any ideas," she says and he arches a brow.

Carrie's actually surprised that she hasn't gotten pregnant with the amount of sex they do have. It's everyday she loves him more and knows he does too. It was impossible to get bored. They can never have enough of each other's love.

She's on the pill now, but she forgets some nights every couple of months now and then. The number of times that she's told him that she was going to get an IUD has been dozens, yet she still doesn't. She's happen with just these two being in her life. But some days in the back of her mind she knows if it does happen it'd be counted as a blessing rather than a curse and he'd be there every step of the way.

* * *

Saturday August 22, 2015 3:00 p.m.

She feels like she on display standing up there, but she couldn't say no. Only the word yes had left her mouth. The dress is so tight though, she feels like she can't move. And of course it had to be the hottest day of the year.

Quinn and Virgil, and Max aren't doing so hot themselves in their tuxes. It looks like someone dumped a bucket of water on their heads, yet they managed to keep smiling. Then she sees Stella walking down the aisle throwing all the flowers at once, accidentally hitting a couple of guests. At first she's mortified, but then she sees Fara smiling. Like she didn't want anyone else to do that job but Stella and Carrie as her Maid of honor. She sucks it up as the other bridesmaids had to wear the same dress. Carrie will never forget Fara and Max's wedding day.

* * *

Thursday December 24, 2015

She wakes up to silence, everything is still. A faint snowfall is lightly frosting the window. There are gifts displayed along the shelf by the window, a few balloons and a couple bottles of white wine, because of course there would be and she smiles. Then she sees him holding them, one sleeping little girl in each arm looking at them like he will stop at nothing to protect them. He whispers "Daddy loves you two."

He liked to say that out loud a lot. That he'd loved them and would do anything to keep them safe. Like for some reason what he actually does for them isn't enough. Carrie knows this, but she lets him say whenever he wants because she knows it makes him feel better. If that's the validation he needed then so be it.

She loves these girls two, both of them. Each of them holding a place in her heart that grows bigger by the second, the kind that she can't explain. The kind of love she could only ever see from the outside and found the room on the inside and it won't stop. It was only a matter of finding out for herself that all the love she had could be a reciprocal to this degree. She doesn't feel at all suffocated or trapped with them, but free. A love designed so custom that she can't believe this is her life.

* * *

Wednesday May 24, 2017 4:00 p.m.

It's Quinn's turn on stage and she's never been more proud of him. He was so excited about this day, had talked about it all week. To begin doing what he loved. He was so happy to find something that he did. And damn he looks so good with that uniform on. His detective shield was so much to him.

"Wave to daddy," she says to the girls as his name is announced.

He didn't need to have them there, but it makes everything that much better. That he wasn't just doing this for himself, but for them too. That Carrie took the day off work to be with them was jist enough. Never in a million years did he think he would be doing this, but he wants it more than anything. Ever since admitting to those murders of Javadi's family members it's been on his mind. And he knows he'll be good at it. He'll be able to make a difference.

The CIA was far out of his mind at this point, even if it wasn't for her. It was for him, meant to be. This way he was always close to home, their home. Go home at the end of the day and surround himself with love.

* * *

Sunday July 29, 2018 4:00 p.m.

"Carrie you're going into work now? We're suppose to be at your family's house for dinner in one hour. I mean we're leaving the girls for a whole week Carrie!" Quinn says.

"I told you I'll be quick. This person flew all the way in today because of the vacation we're taking this week," she tells him while putting the finishing touches on her makeup.

"Honeymoon," he corrects her. "I hope you're not wearing that when we get there... Mrs. Quinn."

She gives the eye and knew he couldn't help but say it when they were alone. They never really cared if they were married or not, that was never an immediate priority, but Carrie had better benefits and now it was easier to consolidate everything they owned. It'd been six months and hardly anyone knew they were. And it made officially adopting Stella a lot easier, even though he'd always been her father. It's that easy to see for even a stranger. There isn't an ounce of him that treats Stella any different than Charlotte, or loves her any less. In fact Stella is much more of a daddy's girl, where Charlotte tends to cling to Carrie.

Carrie heads downstairs ensuring her quickness.

"I'll meet you guys over there."

"Okay," he says turning off the TV. "Stella, Charlotte say goodbye to your mother."

They're not at all sad that he just shut off their favorite cartoon. They run straight over to Carrie.

"Bye mommy," the both say as she wraps her arms around them, holding on tight.

"Bye babies. I'll see you in a bit."

"Can we come with you?" Stella asks.

"Not today honey. I'll be back and over to Aunt Maggie's as soon as I can."

"No, I mean tomorrow," Stella says

"Please mommy," Charlotte adds.

Carrie sighs as she gets up to her feet. She'd never left either of them for more than a couple days since her last trip back from France more than four years ago. Stella still had the slightest scar on her leg from the accident then.

She gets back to their level doing her best to explain it.

"You guys love Aunt Maggie's house right?"

"Yeah," they start to pout knowing that they wouldn't be going.

"You've got grandpa and Aunt Maggie and Uncle Bill right? And Ruby and Josie and Frankie too.

"Mmmhmmmm," Stella says trying her best not to sob.

"And even Uncle Max and Aunt Fara said they will bring you to the zoo this week okay."

"The zoo!" Charlotte shrieks!

"Yeah. And we'll uh... bring you guys presents when we come back," Carrie's just now beginning to get emotional about leaving. "Okay?"

"I love you two so much," she hugs them once more.

"I love you too," they say almost at the same time.

"Bye," she kisses them, then Quinn before leaving.

* * *

5:00 p.m.

The young man waits nervously, shaking his knee at a violent pace. But he also looks determined and driven. She knows the look and wonders if he'll calm down. He had to in order to make it.

"Nicolas Rofcolt," she reads.

"It's Nick," he says. She already likes him. His composure completely different now.

"Nina Havari recruited you, for counter terrorism?"

"That's correct," he says while gazing at what seemed to be endless amounts of pictures propped around her desk. He's vetting her, a key feature.

"And what made you decide to join the CIA?"

* * *

Tuesday July 31, 2018 10:00 a.m. (Punta Cana)

Quinn wakes first, immediately feeling the affects of tequila from the night before. He doesn't want to leave the bed. Carrie can hear him moving, just knowing how shitty he must feel. She'd backed off somewhat after the sixth round, but let him go. Which directly lead to her walking him back to the room, needing to actually help him get into bed. She gets the need of having to let yourself go, yet hasn't really needed it herself for a long time.

She turns ready to check his state. "How you doing?"

"My eyes hurt a little," he tells her. "I'm never doing that again."

"What do you want to do today?"

"Nothing?" He says.

"Nothing?" She says. "No kids for a week and you want to do nothing?"

"Not nothing just..." He uncovers his eyes needing to look at her. "... just be with you."

"I guess I'll stay," she teases. She smiles then kisses him, still tasting the tequila on him. His headache isn't slowing him down though as he begins to make his way down her neck. "Why don't we go get breakfast first? You'll feel better." She says.

"And that... is why... I... love you..." He says while continuing to kiss her body.

"Me too."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!


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